Posted by p2h3hashtrash on July 7, 2009
Did you know…
That Saturday, July 11th is the annual Red Dress Run, the Hash’s attempt to give a little back to the country that has given us so much (beer, wasp stings, etc).
Meet: 2:30pm at the Post Office
*note, NOT train station
Wear: a red dress. If you are stuck for ideas, see the photos above. One of the group and one a close-up of Fester, descending the steps of the post office.
Your usual $5 contribution will be donated to charity. Charity to be named soon. See you there!
Posted in Announcements, Event Hash | 5 Comments »
Posted by p2h3hashtrash on June 8, 2009
Date: 31/5/2009
Hares: Little Boy (run), Silicon Chip (walk)
Run Report: Shoots Blanks
A good-sized crowd turned out for P2H3 run 915: after being introduced at the railway station to newborn Louise by proud parents, Phlegm and Chickpea, a quick crossing on the Mekong brought us to laid-back, phlegmatic and picturesque Silk Island, a name also synonymous with vicious dogs, horny mad cows and plenty of silk shopping on the go.
Special mention must go to able Little Boy who did a great job of setting up a trail all by himself such as mythical Sisyphus rolling tirelessly his burden. Overall a not so long run compared to last week 13Kms hell gymkhana: good running ground, great weather, numerous picturesque encounters such as ambling peasants and whole families jam-packed in Khmer-style stagecoaches feebly pulled by skinny, gentle donkeys.
It was a rather well marked run with many holds and check-arounds, some decently long on-backs which soon had Henrik, Scoutmaster, Herring Choker and Blah Blah doing extra kilometers. In fact a good portion of the pack got lazy near the end and quickly settled on a shortcut to the finish line; that’s how a bunch of short-cutting Bastards sneaked their way to the last leg of the trail to the fury of our unrivaled, glorious GM who on arriving later, promptly castigated the culprits.
Walk: Not a single walker was savaged by vicious dogs, chased by enraged horny mad cows nor attacked by wandering brigands.
Circle:
Thanks to Runs Well who had brought a king sized keg, the pack ‘s gargantuan thirst was quenched by a steady flow of Munich draft beer.
The Down downs were the occasion to thank the Hare for a quite tropical and exotic run, up to the high standards we’ve become accustomed to these days.
As we didn’t have enough sex connoted names on the hash, the situation was quickly rectified as the circle saw Dusty anointed in beer and gleefully named Wet Shag.
Amazingly no short-cutting bastards (Half of the Pack) nor silk shopaholics, (Yogi Bra), were summoned to appear in the court of our fearsome, bellowing, inquisitive Religious Advisor, Flaccido Domingo, who instead turned his wrath to some other minor, petty misdeeds which I totally forgot.
A special award must go to STD, back as leading choirmaster, who once again stunned the gaping circle to the sound of a merry, raunchy serenade of his composition, Swing Low, all the way energetically conducting the choir armed with his mighty wooden schlong which female hashers secretly venerate and accompanied by Lords of the dance Maynot and Blah Blah. As one Yogi poet once said in a previous run report, “everyone knows that Blah Blah is the Lord of the Dance on the hash, and will perform everything from the Russian Cossack dance to the pas de deux from Swan Lake with little or no encouragement”. A true great STD Kodak moment. (See picture above – worth of being shown on CNN I report or Play of the day).
Other things happened at circle: Sexaphone, Fritz ,Andrew , STD, Silion Chip returned to hash, and Flying Plod & Silicon Chip bid us farewell, the first to sunny Darfur, the later to faraway Perth.
Virgins included Bonnie, Aimee, Daniel, David, Ali, Steve, Sompot.
Foreign spy: Just Checking (Dili)
Once again (jaded yawn) the pack marveled at a wonderful sunset over the Mekong, we finally closed circle as the bravest and thirstiest made their way back to the on on on: Munich Beer Garden, but that’s another story…
In other news:
Anniversaroidz: Tips – 40 runs, Bitch Volley – 20 runs
Posted in Run Report | 3 Comments »
Posted by p2h3hashtrash on June 2, 2009
Date: 24/5/2009
Hares: Yogi Bra, Available for $60, Bitch Volley (run), Botticelli, Comes First (walk)
Run Report: Blah Blah
As the pack boarded the truck one hasher asketh of the hares, “how longeth is this run, for my legs are short and my stomach of not insignificant mass?” We know not, replied the hares, “for the GPS battery ran out before we finished though it was fully charged ere we set out.” [Hops 13:02]
Kambol. One must ask what it is about this place that sets a hare’s mind ablaze with visions of kilometer laden glory. Is it the broad open paddy fields with snakes and cattle peacefully co-existing? Perhaps it may be the distant vision of Phnom Bassat which creates marathonesque urges. Or is the buzz and hum of the go-kart track which feeds the combative spirit residing deep in the secret heart of the mildest yoga teacher/labour lawyer/facebooker? Whatever the reason the run was at Kambol, and that meant distance.
The run was set by the able trio of Yogi Bra, Available for $60 and Bitch Volley. It was a well marked run with some decently long on-backs which soon had Runs Well, Scoutmaster and Blah Blah doing many extra kilometers which they were profoundly thankful for. In fact Runs Well was so thankful he sought a short cut to the half-way and Little Boy so merry that he joined the walk.
Henrik soon joined the checking as did Ali though as the kilometers wore on and the sun beat down the enthusiasm waned. A prompt Nigerian witchdoctor dance and a couple of ecclesiastical curses from RA Flaccido soon righted things as the clouds covered the sun and the pack surged forward once more with Milky Discharge taking a leadership role with his mighty horn.
Botticelli and Comes First seemed to have lost the walkers at some stage leaving May Not and Hansel to lead those floundering souls through the all the obstacles and dangers that are normally associated with pretty green fields and small country lanes. Not a single walker was savaged by a vicious kitten, chased by an enraged chicken nor drowned in the dry paddy.
After a long run the pack sauntered back to the truck in remarkably good shape with the exception of Blitzkrieg who had gone AWOL. The pack signaled its great concern at his absence by promptly starting the circle and opening more beers.
The circle saw Kate B. named Available for $60. A special award must go to Mr. Tinkle who believed that Available for $60 was a mouthful. Luckily Tinkle Spinner was out of earshot at the time. Other namings included the Norwegian siblings Ilja and Kasper Brunette and Loki’s Toothpaste.
Once again the pack marveled at a wonderful sunset as we made our way back to the Golden Thatch where cold beer, good food and other distinctly ant-free cuisines awaited.
On On!
Posted in Run Report | 6 Comments »
Posted by p2h3hashtrash on May 20, 2009
Date: 17/5/2009
Hares: Scoutmaster (run) and Flying Plod (walk)
Run Report: Yogi Bra
Over the meadow and through the woods to Scoutmaster’s house we go. And over the Monivong Bridge. With a brief stop to pick me up at Norodom and Mao Tse Tung after I missed you all at the railway station. That’ll teach you to answer your cell phones.
Flying Plod and Scoutmaster were the brave hares who set Run #913 (why 913 remained after 911 was scrapped for being unlucky is anyone’s guess). Good run: long, wet and shady. Many, many holds. Many, many check-arounds. Plod carried an umbrella and Blah Blah the horn, to ensure runners and walkers alike had an equal shot at electrocution via lightning.
Hold ‘Em and Blah Blah did the dirty work of trail-checking. The rest of us just got dirty, thanks to a rainstorm that quickly turned the village lanes we traversed into a muddy ice skating rink. Here’s where I would normally name Runswell, Wannacracker and other FRBs, but I don’t pay enough attention to the back of the pack. Slogging along slower than a snail sprinkled with MSG and chili powder: I have no idea, I was somewhere near the front. Will check next time.
At a particularly hairy river crossing, Blah Blah and a few brave souls opting for the 6 centimeter-wide log, while the rest of us hobbled across the 12 centimeter-wide “bridge” that looked like it was fashioned by drunk beavers. I’m still amazed we all made it over alive.
We don’t have enough Italian porn star/politicians on the hash, a situation now rectified by Seth, aka Cicciolina (named for his tireless work on providing access to internet porn). I’m personally shocked that Blah Blah, possessor of knowledge of everything that’s ever happened in the universe, didn’t mention the other famous porn star candidate: Mary Carey, who unsuccessfully ran for Governor of California. Governor? Imagine! That would be like electing some dumb, muscle-bound action-movie hero who’s not even from America. Oh… wait a minute. It’s worth noting that Ms. Carey also flashed her breasts during her campaign. Though it’s not that surprising. These women were famous for one thing, and it wasn’t splitting the atom or hitting the most home runs at the All Star game in ’97. Sad to say what works in Italian politics does not necessarily translate in America, and Ms. Carey has since returned to adult films. Oh well, we’ll miss her legislation on tax-deductible lap dances (this was actually part of her platform), but we’ll always have her groundbreaking performance in Indecent Dentist.
Other things happened at circle that did not involve Italians or chest-baring. Leaking Duck and Mrs. Tinkle returned to hash, and Sir Walter bid us adieu. Norwegian Day was celebrated and we all sung a rousing rendition of “Happy Birthday”, loaded with curses, to Pick Me Up.
After we were treated to an excellent BBQ feast courtesy of Scoutmaster and Pick Me Up. Much thanks and gratitude for a lovely banquet on the banks of the Mekong under the stars.
On On!
Posted in Run Report | 3 Comments »
Posted by p2h3hashtrash on May 12, 2009
Date: 10/5/2009
Hares: Milky Discharge, Horny Cow (run), Joy (walk)
Run Report: Yogi Bra
Ok, I’m back. Sorry for the absence, all those who bemoaned the lack of reports are hereby conscripted to write one in the near future.
What’s new pussycat? The truck now has a roof. Good thinking, someone. I didn’t get to experience it first-hand as I opted for May Not’s 4-wheel drive luxury chariot, but from my plush, air-con seat you all looked, well, like a bunch of people on a truck. Godspeed.
We trundled out to Phnom Brassat, the closest thing the area has to the Alps. However, this would not be the hilly, oxygen-depriving, yodel-inducing climb of Blitzkrieg fame. Hares Milky Discharge and Horny Cow kept us on the straight and narrow for most of the run, with only one punishing hill, which looked like K2 compared to the usual Cambodian turf. We were rewarded for our steady climb by a gorgeous pagoda and sweeping views at the top, for the half-way.
What else is new? Some guy with red-hair is quite the FRB. Most impressive was his ability to choose the wrong trail 99.9% of the time. But really he should be applauded for attempting in the first place – the rest of us kicked at the ground and peered down various trails, waiting for the ‘all-clear’. That nice blonde family was back, the Von Trapps. The 9-year old girl, who beat me in the Mekong River Swim by a couple strokes, put lots of us to shame with her impressive running. Even her parents had trouble keeping up. Herring Choker, another notable FRB, pulled a Runswell and refused to hold at the holds. Blah Blah was running quite well, guess his arse is healed. The other notable addition – we were graced with the presence of the four horsemen – I mean foreign spies from Malaysia.
Overall a great run: around 12kms, gorgeous scenery, good running ground, great weather, few marauding cows and almost no ankle-twisting holes.
Circle: With Flying Plod as stand-in choirmaster, virgins were serenaded, including one fresh from Mexico City. Attention NGOers: you can now add Swine Flu to the list of causes you’re begging for! Technology abuse for the other 2 virgins, one of whom took a tree-side phone call on his mobile at a hold. The Malaysian Spies spoke fondly of the STD-GM days, and welcomed us to come visit any time we liked. On on to your living rooms, guys! The Hares were thanked for an awesome run, and through some extraneous, irrelevant chit-chat during circle, discovered they may be on the same Trans-Siberian Railroad trip as Tokyo Joe. Good God. Blah Blah reassured them it was a big train.
In other news: Joy is leaving; Jeremie was named Shoots Blanks, despite his plea for “Cybershot” (see Lickety Slit for details on what happens when you try to name yourself). Number One celebrated 90 runs. In a Swat valley re-enactment, Tokyo Joe got 2 of his 4 cheeks slapped, unfortunately not the ones he was hoping for.
At Wagon Wheel for the on on on, the pizza came flying from the ovens faster than a tuk tuk in evening rush hour. We were serenaded by the foreign spies with some naughty limericks, which made only the German owner blush – the rest of us were used to this plus much worse. Speaking of which, where did that big wooden thing go?
On on, baby
Posted in Outstanding Haring, Run Report | 7 Comments »
Posted by p2h3hashtrash on March 31, 2009
1. The Hash wants YOU. To hare. This weekend if possible. Don’t let others get all the glory and abuse, enlist now, you won’t regret it.
For details please contact Mr. Tinkle at ajaveling@yahoo.co.uk
2. Hash Trash (Yogi Bra (Me)) will be away for a few weeks, which means there will be no run reports during this time. It also means profound disappointment for the 5 people who actually bother to read these things. UNLESS you would like to submit a report while I’m away. Don’t let others get all the glory and abuse, enlist now, you won’t regret it.
For details please contact me (Yogi Bra (Hash Trash)) at kate@kateliana.com
Posted in Announcements | 2 Comments »
Posted by p2h3hashtrash on March 31, 2009
Date: 29/3/2009
Hares: Blah Blah & Co. (run), Madame Ovary (walk)
Run Report: Yogi Bra
A good-sized crowd turned out for the one-year anniversary of the untimely passing of Dog On Heat, an eminent runner and dedicated hasher.
Armed with sacks of flour from Lucky and too much energy for someone who supposedly woke at 5am and drove that morning from Kampong Cham, GM Blah Blah set off for a live hare with a slightly different format. In a long, hot game of tag, Blah Blah and the hare set off with their flour and a small head start. Once the hare was caught the tagger became the new hare and the process continued.
Of course the first hare chosen was a virgin. But he gamely agreed to leave his friends and head off into the woods with Blah Blah – fairly brave of him. He was eventually caught by Wannacracker who managed to stay ahead of the pack until the half way. Runswell, Simon, Dutchie, Thong Flasher, Kate B. and Karl came close but none could catch him.
The lucky draw winner to kick off haring after the half-way was none other than Fester. After Phlegm stripped him of his wallet so he couldn’t live hare on a moto, he galloped off after Blah Blah, faster than a speeding tuk tuk. Unsurprisingly Simon caught him quickly, and took over hare-mantle for the remainder of the run. All would have gone smoothly had the hares not accidentally stumbled across a short-cutting, walking Phlegm, who “caught” them.
Circle
This week saw the return of hash choirettes The Sirens, consisting of Thong Flasher, Love Bite, Yogi Bra and SuMing who provided much raunchy merriment to the proceedings. GM Blah Blah and AGM Milky Discharge took the reigns and got down to business. Virgins, Foreign Spies, and Returnees were all anointed in beer. Laverne celebrated a special anniversary, having completed 290 runs.
The usually overzealous RA Flaccido Domingo was even more heated than usual, maybe due to sunstroke. He began by calling in Blah Blah, Phlegm and the other bourgeoisie elite for their fishing trip. Then Love Bite joined in the fray by dragging in all the fashion victims. Little Boy and some virgins were punished for hailing from Michigan – something to do with the GM plant closing, I believe. Yankee Wanker and Agrippa were made to drink from their huge, blocky hiking boots. Then all the Swedes — Milky, Agrippa and a virgin — were brought in and serenaded by Blah Blah with an ABBA song.
On the international crisis front, the biggest problem we could come up with was the imminent flooding in Fargo, North Dakota. All North Americans were brought in to form a towering dyke with their potties, and Dutch Dorienne had to stick her finger in it. After a rousing rendition of God Bless America the dyke was dismantled, the Dutchwoman released.
There was also some weirdness involving Agrippa and foreskin, the less said about that the better. Almost as disturbing was Wanker and Flasher’s dance to try to distract the hash and change the subject. People, everyone knows that Blah Blah is the Lord of the Dance on the hash, and will perform everything from the Russian Cossack dance to the pas de deux from Swan Lake with little or no encouragement. Please, leave him his mantle.
12 hours later we finally closed circle, and it was on to the on on on at the Golden Thatching, where Dog On Heat was toasted again. Amen.
Posted in Event Hash, Outstanding Haring, Run Report | 4 Comments »
Posted by p2h3hashtrash on March 19, 2009
Date: 15/3/2009
Hares: Andre & Dorien (running), Phlegm, Chick Pea & Pearl Necklace (walking)
Run Report: Blah Blah
The pack did marvel at the raft for it was made of bushes and plants from ponds yonder, but the hare did not hesitate as he loaded the raft with wary runners and cried to them “It will be fine my friends. I’ll just, um, wait here, er, for the remaining runners. Honestly you’ll be fine.” [Hops 13:06]
They say the ferryman over the river Styx requires a silver coin for passage. For this fee you get a first class boat ride on a classical Greek skiff, complete with the ferryman Charon adorned in a lovely red cape, guaranteed safe passage and landfall in the afterlife where, if the suicide bombers are to be believed, awaits a life full of bare skin and grapes.
This is what a silver coin gets you.
For a few Riel you get a pile of foliage massed together with a couple of sticks for support, complete with a local famer who has wandered in from the field out of curiosity, someone is guaranteed to get wet and landfall is on a slippery bank with dried paddy on the far side.
Clearly we should have paid more. I like grapes.
It was virgin territory out at Banteay Daek, near the site of the 900th, which the hares had chosen for their run. There was a sea of green as St Patrick’s Day once again leapt into the life of the hash with all the exuberance of a deranged leprechaun. Pearl Necklace provided the hash with a series of fashionable hats from Water Lilly which helped keep the sun off and no doubt the bits of shrubbery attached shall be useful for sneaking up on hares during live runs in the future.
The run saw the return of Wanky Yankee, complete with clover, Hit on Me and André (mini Little Boy). Special mention must go to Little Boy for attending the run after what many will confirm was a big night out the evening (and early morning) prior. Flying Plod was looking resplendent in his fluorescent green jacket and flying hat whilst Mr Tinkle signaled his English roots by refusing to wear even a hint of green. Runs Well was seen exhibiting herculean strength as he repeatedly snapped the ferryman’s rope whilst Sarsy stood by offering advice of the helpful sort. A true advisor if ever there was one. Legend has it the master forger of advisors broke the mould after making Sarsy, claiming to all that such a masterpiece of advice giving could never be repeated.
Agrippa had nominated himself for the ferryman’s boat the day prior to the run when he managed to be knocked off his bike in front of GM Blah Blah and Yap Yap whilst they were sipping espressos and watching the entire scene with bemusement. Another nominee for the ferryman’s boat included Festering Chronic Masturbator who forgot that when ants find their way into your shirt it is a good idea to remove them. Who says he is getting old.
At the end of the day the joint Canadian singing of Tokyo Joe and Wanky Yankee was enough to drive the pack onto trucks and into the sunset.
Don’t pay the Ferryman,
Don’t even ask the price.
Don’t pay the Ferryman,
’till he gets you to the other side.
Whoa, oohhhh
Don’t paaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay the Ferryman.
Posted in Run Report | 1 Comment »
Posted by p2h3hashtrash on March 11, 2009
Date: 8/3/2009
Hares: Dutchie, Blah Blah (run), Germinator (walk)
Run Report: Phlegm & Yogi Bra
It was a nice run.
Above is Phlegm’s contribution to the this week’s report.
I will add that it was hot and short. Snaky. Promised shade was lacking. Lots of potholes for ankles. But pretty, nice area, there was Royal D on the truck. Only 7.5 or 8 kms. Blah Blah provided running commentary on his trail, while simultaneously trying to keep the pack together and on track, and dodging red ant attacks. Dutchie preferred the silent approach and just ran his own trail.
Little Boy turned up with is son, who ran unlike his father. Runswell did not, I saw him lumbering along mid-pack and wondered if it had grown colder in hell than on that trail. Wannacracker saved face and rode the truck from the half-way back to the finish, not wanting to associate with the walkers. Fester did something Festerish, I’m sure. Lots of ladies got their weekly mango shopping out of the way.
Tokyo Joe showed up and taught us some new songs. RA Flaccido Domingo did his thing, bellowing and castigating all and sundry. Yogi Bra was subjected to double-jeopardy, punished twice for her adventures in Kep, and the subsequent documenting of such adventures. Check Around broke a Frisbee in half, still not sure how, but all the village children were sorely disappointed. Blah Blah enticed female representatives of each country from the circle to stand and drink for International Women’s Day, and Flying Plod sang a soul-stirring rendition of “I am Woman, Hear me Roar”, or at least I think that’s what he was trying for.
Due to proximity to city, we were back in time for a nasty traffic jam before the Monivong Bridge, and eventually pulled up to the Khmer BBQ joint in the darkness of night.
On On to St. Patrick’s Day!
Posted in Run Report | 2 Comments »
Posted by p2h3hashtrash on March 5, 2009
Date: 1/3/2009
Hare: Some Chick from Singapore
Fake Report: Yogi Bra
That’s right, while you all were sweating and slogging through the back roads of Phnom Penh Thmey, some of us were sweating and slogging through the back roads of Kep and Chamcar Bei. It was a mixed-up version of hash: the on on on was the night before, the meet time was 5:40AM and the joyful singing and dancing of Blah Blah in the post-run circle was replaced by Apsara dancing and a speech by the Provincial Governor.
The day before saw Milky Discharge, Horny Cow, Love Bite, Thong Flasher and Yogi Bra poolside, soaking up sun and mojitos, until a lightning storm drove us inside. SuMing was busy hiking in nature and missed all the action. Later at the Sailing Club we feasted on swordfish, pasta and chocolate cake with the other participants and got hit up for more cash (oh yeah, it was a fundraiser).
The next day at 5:40AM sharp we were joined by long-lost hasher Yankee Wanker and some Singaporean racers and after a quick photo shoot were off. The trail was bumpy, hilly and hot – no Angkor to say the least. Instead of smiling children cheering us on, we had a smattering of people along the trail staring at us. The organizers didn’t waste our contribution money on too much water, thankfully. I can’t say much about the others since they ran much faster than me, but Thong Flasher apparently pulled a Mr. Tinkle and made a quick pit-stop in the bushes. I had my own personal police motorcycle escort, who rode up my ass for the first 14 kilometers, but I was so hot and tired I longed to pull a Fester and ask him for a lift.
Milky, Horny and Thong Flasher all ran well. Yankee Wanker came in 2nd place, thank goodness because the poor 3rd place chap had a latrine named after him (Wanker now has a well dedicated to him). Love Bite and SuMing, who represented the hash admirably in the 10k, both did well, though SuMing was chafe-city afterwards. When it was all over we hobbled back to Kep for a subdued on on on before they trekked back to Phnom Penh.
On On to Phuket!
Posted in Random Shit | 1 Comment »
