P2H3 - Run #834 Australia Day / Robbie Burns Hash

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Date: 27/01/2008  RUN STATS

Hares: STD, Excellent Choice, Mr Tinkle 

Run Report: Ikea

Koh Dach’s mad dogs cannot sate their lust for virgin hasher blood.

Run #834 saw two hash virgins have their blood sucked by canines. A great initiation to the sport of hashing. Down downs for both. Feeding animals while hashing is frowned upon.Not happy with only one visit to the Koh Dach Island, and the sit in traffic which awaits the truck as it tries to cross back over the Japanese Bridge, STD and Excellent Choice decided they would test the P2H3 Hashers resolve and go there again. This time only 8km ferry (compared to the 13km ferry two weeks before - where only real men hare!).

Several other notable incidents from this run:
*Experience counts for nothing. Veteran hashers Flip Flop and Phlegm have been running the PP hash since well before the last Khmer Empire ruled over Indochina. To the delight of all (except Herring Choker, who will know better next time), these two saw their Short Cutting Bastardry end in a swamp. Actually, before the swamp there was a painful tunnel of thorny undergrowth. And there was mud. Then there was the chest high wade across eel infested swamplands and the pleading for help from a 10 year old local. Phlegm’s little adventure ended with a moto ride back to the circle. Down downs all round.

*Wide Angle completed the shortest hash run in history (30 metres?) before bailing out for the walking group. Down down.

*Several blatant and self-confessed Scots (Rubbed Raw, STD), plus those who shamelessly fraternise with this degenerate race despite the risks (Sandy Crevices among others) plus a few others who clearly have red hair, were all punished for the crime of Robbie Burns day.

*Australians were punished for their recent Australia Day…… with beer!? Oh the inhumanity!

*Flying Plod proved he’s not just a man wearing a hat and walking slowly by engineering the naming of Lickety Slit. It took several conceptual leaps to get there but the right result was found. The confused Khmer hasher was later overheard asking Hash Rider at the Gates of Dawn, Tokyo Joe, the meaning of her name. ‘You are a fast walker’, he explained. Quite.

Finally, the hash witnessed its first UFO on the boat ride back to the mainland. What more can you want from a hash?

ON ON

P2H3 - Run #831 Phlegm’s Return Boat Hash

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Date: 06/01/2008

Hares: Phlegm & Chickpea

Run Report: Ikea

Like a cold that never seems to go away, Phlegm just keeps returning to the Phnom Penh Hash.

After a six month hiatus, Phlegm was back in the bunny suit for this run, the first of 2008, which took place on the far side of the Mekong. The man loves a boat run. He also loves a shindig. With typical Phlegm guile, he attempted to fool the committee into shelling out several hundred dollars a head for catering. Apparently, he had already purchased several new fondue sets and had cheeses airlifted in from his Flemish cheese dealer. Thank God the mismanagement committee is tighter than fish’s arse and saw the whole thing for what it really was: crazy expenditure.

In the end, the Hash turned on some lovely bread rolls, Coon cheese and cheap tinned fish. Perfectly adequate. To those who complained, toughen up! If you want a four course French dinner you are in the wrong Hash.

Anyway, a 25-minute cruise took a big field of Hashers, among them several self-declared virgins, across the Mekong to the start of the run. Phlegm and his salivating partner Chickpea explained that the marks were to be found high on trees. As it turned out, the marks were found (when they were found) several metres up in the canopy. ‘How did he do it?’, was the universal question.

“A very high Hash”, was the sombre judgement from defrocked Hash swami Tokyo Joe.

With all eyes scouring the ionosphere for the markings, the pack somehow managed to work together and follow the trail to the half-way point (back by the Mekong) and beyond. This was despite Run’s Well’s attempts to keep the on ons to himself.

However, things went badly wrong in the second half. The self-exile of usual Front Running Bastard (now a Front Walking Bastard) Rubbed Raw encouraged giddy racing among Two Hands, Dog on Heat et al and the head of the pack soon found themselves lost and on the wrong side of a swamp that wasn’t there last time they looked. Stumbling about they came on one of the many Blitzkrieg clones indulging in his usual short cutting.

This villainous breakaway group then returned to the boat via the shortest route, which had the effect of utterly confusing the ship’s captain. Several Hash snitches, including Leaking Duck and Blah Blah, reported the infraction to the circle. Double down downs were dished out with alacrity.