P2H3 - Run #843, Please Refrain from Smoking Hash!

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Date: 24/02/2008  RUN STATS

Hares: Phlegm, Chick Pea, Botticelli, Piglet 

Phlegm stood up again as Hare extraordinaire, and hared his billionth run with the help of the faithful Chick Pea, to set a classic A->B trail alongside the picturesque banks of the Mekong. With ultra caution taken over the first bridge (probably wise in Cambodia), the hash started, for those on the truck, with a gentle stroll to the start. But the run was soon underway headed by a visiting Aussie triathlete Virgin, Paul, fitting into the FRB role with aplomb, alongside the usual suspects of Dog on Heat, Ikea, Herring Choker and newbie Harriette Nora, challenging the boys!

With the hash hounds straining for hare blood, the pack ran, without pause, through most of the checks, convinced that an A to B trail had to go straight on. The FRBs were not disappointed, with only the belligerent Blah Blah (the fool) doing the decent thing and checking left or right to confirm what everyone else knew! The large pack tried to keep up with the fast pace over the eroding Mekong banks, under mango filled trees, avoiding rabid cows and mad dogs (or is that the other way round!?) as they strained their way along the various shortcuts laid on by the thoughtful hare. A vicious pack of children, armed with smiles and big eyes tried to slow the pack, but to no avail, they could smell the finish, with only the weaker sex (namely Jordyan and Yap Yap) cajoled into stopping for an impromptu photo shoot.

The runners now waiting for the walkers to arrive (headed by the Mango acquiring Botticelli), were entertained by a half rotten python, a red setting sun, and admiring a very sa’at concrete temple. Hashers are easily amused. With the skies now darkened, hashers formed the circle, and the punishments were dealt out. The Choir Master required Flacido’s baton to replace his forgotten member (oops wrong way round again!) In a gallant attempt to improve the health of P2H3 hashers, steps already taken such as removing the toxic Angkor Beer from the P2H3 diet, were clearly not enough for R.A. Blah Blah, MD. Next to go on his vice list was smoking! Multiple puffers were punished including Dangermouse and Stool Boy, and one particularly nonchalant virgin, who lit up in the circle at that moment just to claim the last double potty of smoking shame. Anniversaroides were forgotten in the fading light, due to statistical problems, and thirst!

The 4-wheel-driving bourgeois elite (see Bokor Hash Trash), had to eat cake, and join the peasants on the overloaded truck (now dry of beer for the 2nd week in a row!) as it rumbled back to point A and their climate-altering steeds. “Where’s the aircon switch on this vehicle”, one elite cried in vain! Oh the indignity of it all!

Back in PP, now very late, the generous Gasolina Bar (attended by Magic Mushroom), laid on a plethora of free beer jugs which were appreciated by all, and especially the visiting Aussie slaughtermen/sheep shearers, as Snake Charmer practised her art!

At least it was finally confirmed that this weeks run was indeed number 841! Hash Trash can sleep soundly once more! (Later: I speak too soon, no this run is in fact now #843, confused? not as much as the Hash Trash!)

ON ON!!

P2H3 - Run #842, Virgin Territory!

Date: 17/02/2008  RUN STATS

Hares: Mr Tinkle, Pisey 

Report: Ikea

A-ha! Would you believe? Its the olllld ‘take them out to Phnom Basat, the only mountain within spitting distance of PP, and then make them run everywhere except up the mountain’ ruse.

Shopper, urinator and Phnom Basat master-hare HE Mr Tinkle took a full truck of hashers out to his favourite patch for this run (which we are again calling #839 for reasons already obscure - all change, it is in fact #842 (HT!!)).

A small group of usual suspect hashers arrived at the railway station on time. Numbers were soon swollen by several KAOS agents and foreign spys, returnees and those just not seen for a while (including Checkaround, Horra MooVee, Squint Westward, Shaking Spears and Just Add Beer) and a smattering of exotic virgins eager for the tender discipline that only the firm hand of the PP Hash can provide (French, Spaniards, Portugese, and a big fella carrying twenty kilos in his backpack — Rambo).

After a late departure and a long trip, the Hash arrived at the quarry at the base of Phnom Basat. Most hashers anticipated a bit of hill climbing. However, the on-on led south-west away from the hills and Fester showed some early toe to lead the pack out and on our way. The route was initially along red dirt tracks, then west across paddy, and then it flirted with one of the hills before turning south west again and heading off into uncharted, un-hashed territory.

The pace was fairly sharp at the front. The trail disappeared a few times and a number of barbed wire fences had to be negotiated. I’m not sure how Rambo managed to squeeze under the wires carrying fifty kilos on his back and fifty kilos worth of pecs on his front but he managed it and staggered into the first and only hash hold not too far behind the pack — a good effort. Wide Angle also hashed along with the runners until coming undone on the ankle-breaking rice levees (alright, bunds), which also claimed other victims

Meanwhile, the walkers were being led with elan by Pisey. They arrived at the half way drink stop (about 6 kms in, beside a village square) just too late to see the entertaining collision (also described by one onlooker, wishfully, as a jello wrestle) between two newer, unnamed female hashers.

From the halfway point, hashers continued to head south, further and further into virgin hashing territory (as confirmed by hash archivist Phlegm). One hasher found and carried with them the translucent skin of snake almost 3 metres in length. The suggestion that this was actually a condom discarded by Flaccido Domingo was found to be baseless.

Finally, the truck was seen again after 10.7 kms of running. The whole village turned out to witness the circle and provide muscial accompaniment. Flip flop pointed out that two of the virgins had been wearing his namesake footwear; he joined them for down-downs and should have known better. Tinkle was pinned again for urinating, which is a bit like punishing a dog for barking.

It was a long and very dark ride back to town. Things were made intolerable by the beer running dry on the truck. Finally, in a vain and transparent attempt to outdo the Chinese Lion thing and the Guy With the Fat Red Face (see last week’s report), Tinkle coordinated a fireworks display to light up the night sky around Phnom Basat.

ON ON !!

P2H3 - Run #841, Valentine/Gispert Memorial

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Date: 10/02/2008  RUN STATS

Hare: Blah Blah, Bronco Buster (walk) 

Run Report: Ikea

Gispert would have been in raptures over this hash effort. Perhaps it lacked enough fart jokes and could have been a little more smutty, but nevertheless it got much else right and made a truck load of Valentine’s Day hashers all hot and sweaty and sticky.

Hare Blah Blah set a clearly marked little trail along the banks of the Bassac. There was very few ‘are you?’s and almost no ‘where the fuck am I’s?’ which make hashing so much fun, especially for FRB’s (Checkaround, take note). Many dastardly onbacks had Wanna Cracker, Dog on Heat and others constantly sprinting back and the pack managed to stay together exceedingly well.

Hashtrash feels nauseous from all this praise so let us also point out the large clump of biting red ants which should have been dealt with, but instead made life miserable for Flaccido, Herring Choker and one of our Virgins.

Back to praise: plenty of shade, a picturesque locale, and a well timed drinkstop at halfway where the walkers met the runners and all rubbed up against each other in the pre-Valentine’s day glow. Dangermouse was so excited by the general aura of healthiness that she set out on the run leg (ending metres later).

The circle took place in a comfortable natural amphitheatre (a pile of roadbuilding stones) and went for a very great length of time as down downs were handed out for all manner of infringements. The plentiful Asahi and Beer Lao made it far too difficult for me to remember the various charges.

Further distraction came from a Chinese Lion which sported around the circle accompanied by drums and a man with a fat red face (not a hasher, who was that bloke?). The hash contributed to the cultural exchange by offering the hungry lion a beer and a wooden penis. The later sight of Blah Blah in the front of the dragon costume along with Leaking Duck coming up the rear and brandishing his very hard baton, was one that few who saw it will ever forget.

ON ON

P2H3 - Run #835 Chinese New Year Run

Date: 04/02/2008, nr Takmao  RUN STATS

Hares: Blackout, Insider 

Run Report: Rubbed Raw

This was the end of the Year of the Pig and the start of the Year of the Rat (or is that a mouse?). How better to celebrate than to Hash Chinese Style courtesy of our Chinese cultural Attache Insider. A free T-shirt awaited the lucky hashers attending this hash, and not sponsored by the Secretary for once! The hash pack had many new virgins (of younger and female variety which pleased many of the male runners!) this week, oh and many children (will that censor the songs - no chance!).

Another Hash rarity was the marking of both the walk and the run, though the choice of red for the run (for obvious reasons) did strain the older member’s eyes, especially Fester who complained in his usual vociferous style, to pick out the nearly invisible marks. The Norwegian Family Robinson led out the walk, with great enthusiasm. Runners were spotted in the distance by the Hash Trash Scribe with the odd FRB (they’re all odd) spotted wandering aimless and lost, Herring Choker and Runs Well, clearly off trail again! Mr Tinkle enjoyed sprinting past Rubbed Raw (exiled again to the walk) for once in his hashing career as the walk and run met on occasion. Fester was seen up the rear, as it were, of the many new female virgins on the trail, was this any coincidence I wonder? By the state of Wide Angle’s shirt we presume the first half was a muddy one!

An excellent addition to the Chinese Hash is the addition of Gambai drinking at every Hold Point. Chinese Rice wine was dealt out in small cups to any infringement like being a Front Walking Bastard! by the eager hares. This should happen every week, why didn’t we think of that for the Robbie Burns Hash (a nice single malt would have gone down very well! and possibly up again after the Burns Supper the night before!)

The half way point had more Gambai’s after which Rubbed Raw, could stand it no more and joined the injured Flip Flop in a fast walk (a blatant attempt to escape the children!) following the runners. The return run/walk was shorter, and even included a nicely laid gravel surface for the sprinters in the group to get their running spikes into! Blah Blah on Hash Horn duty did a sterling job with decidedly more melody than the usual Hash Muse!

The circle was not held back in its songs by the presence of younger ears (when does it ever!) but we had the pleasure of even more Chinese culture. Red envelopes were handed out to regular sinners, and with trepidation opened, no anthrax was luckily contained, but even worse, instructions to drink, choose or Bonus! The lucky Bronco Buster won the Bonus and pulled three further ‘happy lucky’ hashers into the circle for their down down. The circle in fine voice kindly requested the Aniversaroids Flip Flop (310 runs) and Blah Blah (50 runs) to ‘get a life’.

On On!!