P2H3 - Run #848, In Memory of Dog on Heat

Run Date: 30/03/2008

Hares: Phlegm, Runs Well, Piglet, Hit on Me

A large pack congregated across the Mekong in virgin territory for run 848. On this day, all were thinking of an absent hasher, Dog on Heat. Hashers pinned black ribbons to their shirts (well done, Hash Haberdashery) and a minute’s silence was observed. Afterwards, Runs Well said a few words in Khmer in memory of his friend and co-partner in FRBastardry and we sang the Hash anthem, Swing Low Sweet Chariot, the words taking on extra meaning.
So run 848 was ‘a Phlegm run’. A Phlegm run typically involves a boat of uncertain seaworthiness, eccentric trail marking techniques, quagmires and morasses, massive distances and numerous other hardships. All were in evidence once again. The contributions of Piglet and Hit on Me made sure the walkers had a much easier time of things.

(Perhaps Phlegm is some sort of human divining rod, driven by forces beyond his ken to encounter watercourses wherever he can, even in the dry season.) Anyway, his trail led the runners across some interesting country — the little section through a plantation of gum trees was a shady highlight for me. Flip Flop’s blatant racing and reckless overtaking here was noted by hashtrash but somehow went unpunished later.

There was then a detour into a morass of lotus plants and scratchy scrub where the trail became hard to find. A stream was forded with difficulty. Some newer hashers attempted to leap across and landed deep in mud on the other side. Mr Tinkle (?) lost his shoe doing the same thing. Others spread out along the banks attempting to find an easier way across. The way then led up to a road climbing along a small ridge where the runners met a hash hold and took in the view of fields and a darkening skyline.  A very pleasant spot to wait and compare how much one is sweating.  FRBs were not surprised to see that one of the Blitzkrieg twins had arrived before them.

Realising that his trail still had several hundred miles to go and the day was getting late, the hare co-opted Runs Well and took off on a live haring run. The baying pack followed their flour drops down to the river and then back to the start, where the walkers were already home and drinking all the beer.

The circle was presided over with the usual enthusiasm combined with hungover incompetence by retiring GM HE Blackout, RA Blah Blah and stand-in choirmaster and full-time hash Maharishi Tokyo Joe. Of the sinners punished, the most egregious crime came from the man with the second-worst shorts in the Hash, Flying Plod. Plod had been heard to say that the one thing he didn’t want after his big night was a beer. Never was a down-down more justified. Whoever snitched is definitely to be congratulated.

Erections are on their way!!  The candidates are jostling for votes.  Dirt files have been seen.  Whispering campaigns have started.  Kramas and favours are being distributed like mad.  Only wildcard Paddington Bra seems to be above the general moral degeneracy at the moment.   Make sure you attend the erections.

The on on on was at that joint with the beer rockets. By the time the truck arrived the Politburo chiefs were already gorging themselves on caviar and truffles. A good restaurant, but hungry hashers need refueling immediately.

P2H3 - Run #847, As simple as ABC Hash

Click Map to enlarge to see trail

Run Date: 23/03/2008

Hare: Mr Tinkle, Pisey (walk)

Note: Very sad events obviously happened soon after this weeks hash, with the tragic loss of Dog on Heat, to whom Hash Trash dedicates this Run report to.

Never mix business with pleasure, one of the golden rules we (especially Hashers) try to live our life by, but not arch Hash Slasher, Hair Raising Mr Tinkle. He takes his work as a Teacher very seriously, and this sometimes spills over to the Hash. This trail on the road to Phnom Basset was no exception. For the second time in a row for Mr Tinkle, he set another A to B to C run, clearly trying to educate the Hash that there is another letter in the roman alphabet after B (for Beer of course!) Not so keen however was he to educate the masses on this Easter weekend in theology, probably wise in this predominantly Buddhist Land, so no eggs or easter bunnies were to be found. This lack of christian symbology continued on the run, with few crosses seen marking the false trails!

Starting off from a nice pagoda, full of buddha riding Naga’s and the like the large pack set off into the rice paddies, spread wide trying to find the trail. The trail however was largely ignored, with Phlegm in typical fashion just set off in the direction of the finish (in his mind) and many followed. This set a bit of a pattern for the rest of the Hash, with Phlegm joined by co-conspirators Flip Flop and Dog on Heat. They sat at the first Hash Hold point, after short cutting their way there completely ingnoring all marks, and then had the audacity to sing ‘Why are we Waiting’ to the arriving trail following (but more honest, wholesome) Hashers.

The romp over rice fields was set to continue in this pretty, but fairly open part of northern Phnom Penh. The pack suffered in the heat of the day, with little shade to cool their hot heads. The FRB Herring Choker was back in the pack and although slowed slightly by his achilles, was still out there leading the charge at times. Even Flip Flop seemed to have eaten his weetabix that morning, and had a rare spring in his step this week.

The final run into to Point C had a long sting to its tail, with 3km of hard running into the truck, Dog on Heat was the clear leader, as he was for the majority of the run that afternoon. Now the problem with a fairly straight A-C trail is that the walkers basically have to walk as far as the runners run. This obviously takes a lot longer and the walkers did not arrive until a good 20 minutes after. Walking Hare Mrs Tinkle Pisey clearly knew this was to be the case, and took the truck to the end from the Half way, in a treacherous act of betrayal to her fellow walkers. Manfully Tokyo Joe stepped up and took over the lead role, GPS in hand to guide the stranded walkers to the end. While the runners waited, Just Add Beer thought he would kill time by participating in a bovine threesome!

The circle put those repeat offenders Phlegm on Ice for his consistent ignoring of the trail, “you might as well just go for a run in the countryside if you don’t follow the trail” Rubbed Raw accused, and he was invited to do so in the future if he didn’t change his sinning ways! Other offenders such as Hit on Me for name abuse and hare Pisey Tinkle were also punished, and even named, Tinkle Spinner, for having the walkers spinning around in complete confusion, when she could be bothered even haring at all!! Nominations for the GM position were taken by outgoing GM Blackout. Blah Blah, Tokyo Joe, Rubbed Raw and wildcard Paddington Bra, were nominated, with erections to follow in coming weeks! Campaigning will begin in ernest, lock up your children!

The truck trip back was a very long one, with the trail taking the Hash 12km north, all those had to get back to A, making a very full and thirsty (7 cases of beer drank - you can tell its not the toxic Angkor!) truck full of hashers sing to take their minds off their distant homes. The On On On was again at that fantastic restuarant on 184, could this be becoming the home of the Hash one ponders?

On On!!

Dog on Heat (Pisey)

It is with great sadness that the Phnom Penh Hash mourns the tragic loss of our dear friend Cheng Pisey (Dog on Heat) on Sunday night.

Dog on Heat was at the heart of the Hash family. His laughter and welcoming nature will be missed by us all. He was a talented runner and a generous contributor to the Hash and to Cambodian athletics. The Phnom Penh Hash offers its greatest sympathies to all his relatives and friends.

If you would like to leave a comment in memory of Dog on Heat, Hash Trash will collate and forward them to his family if appropriate. Click the comment link below, leaving your name (real or Hash) and message.

P2H3 - Run #846, On On the Flaccid one!

Run Date: 16/03/2008

Hares: Flaccido Domingo, Piglet (walk)

Run Report: Mr Tinkle

THE location of this year’s St Patrick’s Day run came as no surprise to anyone. Even if this week’s hare Flaccido Domingo hadn’t been spotted 24 hours earlier behaving suspiciously in the vicinity of the go-cart track, it would have been a safe enough bet that we’d be off hashing somewhere west of the city.

And so it was, with the temperature at a sultry 40 degrees, that sixty odd hashers alighted an overloaded cattle truck on the far side of Komboul race track. No one wanting to hang around any longer than necessary, G.M. Blackout quickly guided us through the usual pre-run formalities before handing over to the Flaccido, who made full use of his opportunity to prattle on incomprehensibly to the expectant gathering of eager hashers.

At last, with the rattle of automatic weapons fire in the distance, and the roar of a 737 overhead, we were off. Hashers fanned out in all directions, finding a number of false trails, before heading south towards road 4. It seemed for a time that we might be in for a re-run of Flaciddo’s infamous sewer hash, as we passed uncomfortably close to one of his favourite resettlement villages. At the last moment, however, we veered off to the west, crossing sugar palm dotted paddy fields, heading in the general direction of Ampil. The usual frenetic cows and demonic dogs were present in abundance and at one point the hare could be seen wielding a rather large stick at these poor dumb beasts. Tough Aussie hashers Blah Blah and Flip Flop came upon a snake as they ran along a paddy dyke: “Don’t worry, I don’t think it’s the poisonous kind,” declared Blah Blah, before making a hasty retreat back the way he’d come, with Flip Flop following on his heals.

Hashers took the opportunity of the much needed drinks break to berate the hare for his unorthodox marking style (on one, on two, on three! on four!! on five!!!) as well as to whinge about the inordinate length of the first half. Complaints were also voiced about the absence of Royal D, all of it having been filched prior to the arrival of even the most front running bastards.

The second half saw further deterioration in the quality of marking, and hence general confusion and havoc - without which no hash would be complete - soon infected the pack, causing it to disperse across an area several hundred yards wide. Eventually some semblance of a pack re-formed and found the trail, which then led through some kind of garment recycling centre (how do you do it, Flaccido?). It was at about this time that Phlegm (never too concerned about following a trail) was spotted asking a villager for directions to Kamboul. In the end, it was FRBs Wanna Cracker and Rubbed Raw who led the pack back to the finish.

Back at Kamboul, and with plenty of time before the walkers would return, hashers drifted over to the grassy eminence at the side of the race track to enjoy a cold Anchor beer in the last minutes of the afternoon before sundown.

When the walkers (misled this week by Piglet) eventually found their way home, a circle was formed and H.E. Blackout kicked off the proceedings with help from R.A. Blah Blah and stand-in choir master Tokyo Joe. It fell upon them to initiate five rather nervous looking virgins into the fraternity of hashers, and several regular hashers were honoured as anniversaroids.

A worryingly high number of hashers had to be called into the circle for sinning, with punishments being meted out in the form of green coloured down downs. In addition to the usual uniform offenses, the following crimes were particularly worthy of note: Rubbed Raw was rightly punished for his defiling of a much loved hash ditty; a hasher, who cannot be named for legal reasons, was brought forward on a charge of bovine molestation; Tokyo Joe, Just Add Beer and Sarsy offered little defense when charged with truck-riding. But surely one of the most abominable hash crimes imaginable was committed by Sloppy Seconds when he shamelessly admitted to his preference for a certain beer contained in gold coloured cans over the hard fought for Anchor beer - the beer of hashers!

On a happier note, our St. Patrick’s Day sponsor, hitherto known as Christine of Water Lilly Creations, was named Pearl Necklace, by which she will henceforth be known, the honour being bestowed in recognition of her much appreciated support of the Phnom Penh hash over several years.

In addition to the sad but not wholly unexpected news that our most venereal Grand Master, Black Out, and his much better half Insider will be running off to trails new in the next few weeks, announcements included the appointment of Squint as Web Master and Flaccido Domingo as Hash Beer.

In keeping with the St. Patrick’s Day theme, this week’s on-on-on was held at the Green Vespa, where Alan kindly laid on a special hashers’ Irish stew, and provided us with more cold beer than was probably good for us

P2H3 - Run #845 Check Around’s Surprise

Run Date: 10/03/2008

Hares: Check Around, Piglet (walk)

Run Report: Rubbed Raw

A surprised was promised by the top ten ranking P2H3 Hare, Check Around, and a surprise he delivered! Can you feel the suspense, not as much as those on the run. who had all sorts of ideas running through their head what the devious hare had in store! More about that later.

A trip across the Mekong was required for this Hash. With only a short journey to the ferry just over the Japanese bridge, the regular hashers would be forgiven to think that this would be an early start, and therefore finish for once. But the boatmen, and various impatient Bong Thom’s using the Mekong Ferry had other ideas. A long, rather stinky, arduous wait for the ferry to cross, empty, refill, return, and repeat the performance another couple of times, delayed the run to an all time record late start (according to Hash Time Keeper Flip Flop) of 5:15pm! But with the temperatures soaring in the hot sun, no-one was complaining about the later, but cooler Hash.

The Hash commenced with trepidation, boyed by the promise of this great surprise, into the cow filled fields of the rural East banks of the Mekong. A well laid trail met the hashers, with the experienced pack working well together, to find the truck at the quarter way point. Phlegm (as is now becoming habit) deciding the trail was too well marked for his tastes decided to take a completely self made, random route around the picturesque countryside, only to return to the finish via motodop, defeated again!! Will he ever learn!?

Ikea at one point made a breakaway FRB attempt from the pack, with the remaining hashers requiring binoculars to see him across the fields. The pack diligently chased him down, assisted by multiple On Cow encounters, and all came together just before the half way. Setting off again, now with fading light, the pack still were wondering what surprise lay in store for them! A couple of kilometres later, all became clear. Not a waist high dip through a sewage filled stream, nor a bollock risking climb over a barbed wire fence, but a shortage of paint, time, or some other random excuse had the P2H3 setting their own trail home from 2km out! That was Check Around’s surprise! The Hash breathed a collective sigh of relief! But then looked up and thought, where the f*ck is home!

But fear not, those blatant technology abusers, finally saw the benefit of their sinning ways, and set their GPS units to home, and just followed the way. The other hashers just tagged along in vain, hoping they were going in the right direction, worrying whether they would see the truck, and their homes ever again, or be left stranded in some cow and dog infested field should the Americans switch off the GPS satellite system! No losses were reported, but it was dark, so could well be a stranded hasher left out there somewhere!

The Circle was held while awaiting the ferry to do its return journey, now in complete darkness. Blah Blah, honorary GM, presided over the circle. Down Down’s a plenty were handed out to all those GPS using sinners, hand holding Hash Sex practising Mr & Mrs H. Choker, and various others too many to mention. Now quite late, the short trip home from the ferry, and and excellent On On On choice were appreciated. Just short of an Outstanding Haring category, but you have to finish the job I’m afraid.

ON ON!!

P2H3 - Run #844 Leaking Duck pulls it off! Hash + Piss-up + Brewery!!

Click to enlarge trail map image

Run Date: 02/03/2008 RUN STATS

Hares: Blackout, Blah Blah, Leaking Duck (Honorary Hare)

Run Report: Ikea

Our sacred hash founder, Gispert, in his cups, once foretold seven levels of hashing enlightenment through which all hashes must pass on the way to the hash Nibbanah and, eventually, freedom from all earthly concerns, Angkor beer , etc etc etc, something about the Japanese coming, look out, etc etc. He really went on that guy and most of his trite homilies have rightly been forgotten.

However, he did indicate that organising a piss-up in a brewery, surrounded by doe-eyed virgins, was very near the apex of the hash experience. ‘Every river has its source’, he says, ‘as the Mekong bubbles forth from the icy heights of Tibet, so does the river of beer. Follow the beer river, find its source, and drink from it’.

It took a few years of failed expeditions and a wrong turn up the poisonous Angkor tributary. Bu today the Phnom Penh Hash achieved Gispert’s mission, sinking a very great number of free beers at the Tiger Brewery (Tiger is quite clearly the finest beer in the Asia-Pacific region). Credit must go first to Tiger Beer, then to Leaking Duck who now enters the annals of hashing folklore by pulling it off in fine style.

Hashers were given two choices for this day of days: 1) tour the brewery, drink beer, 2) run or walk, drink beer. Those who took option 1 were treated to an informative afternoon learning the mysteries of how hops, malt, water, sugar, oxygen all come together to form Anchor and Tiger, the drinks of hashers!

The run set by hares Blackout and Blah Blah was notable for its deviousness. Anticipating that runners would be hearing the siren song of the brewery calling them in, the trail defied expectation at every turn. Short cutting was inevitable and Flaccido Domingo, Runs Well, Wanna Cracker all succumbed disgracefully.

The brewery shenanigans lasted a number of hours. Yard glass were brought out for the sinners. And it is there my memory fails me badly (although I recall an interesting moment with Fester holding court at a table of hash beauties) as the Tiger beer was so fresh and abundant. Please refer to Yap Yap’s photos for more information (see link on right) on what went on. But I think it might be a bit like Woodstock, if you can remember what happened, you weren’t there…