P2H3 Run # 862 - Gispert Attacked! Virgin Slams ‘Phony’ Hash

Hares: Herring Choker, Blah Blah, Flying Plod (walk)

Run date: 22/6/08

Run report: Ikea

Again this week we were favoured with the presence of many hash virgins. The truck is getting very full. Some of the virgins enjoyed their deflowering and won’t be able to stop coming, some we won’t see again, while some will write defamatory scuttlebutt about the Hash on their blogs. See here. “Phony ceremonies“?? Whaa?? The hash ceremonies are beautiful and meaningful. They resemble a Japanese noh drama, or kabuki, or karaoke. They were given to us by none other than Gispert. Should Delphic Guardian of the Pure Hash Soul, Tokyo Joe, become aware of this hasher the punishment will be icy and terrible.

To the Hash. Hares HE Blah Blah and first-time hare Herring Choker came up with a pleasing and at times tricky course on that patch of prime hashing territory over the Monivong Bridge, turn right, near the Bassac. They went out to the run site THREE times in preparation so it bloody well should have been bloody good. That is a disturbing level of dedication to Hashing.

Anyway, it doesn’t matter how well you mark the trail and how many cans of paint you use, someone is going to get lost. Usually Phlegm. This man’s shortcuts are getting more and more wild and unlikely as weeks go by. He was last seen by hashtrash shortcutting towards a distant lake and then not seen again until the end, where he did not display enough sweat for a Belgian in the tropics. Under interrogation, he denied using a moto and narrated a likely story about nymphs bathing naked in the lake, the soft afternoon light gently caressing their bodies. He seemed to have dragged Mr Tinkle with him, probably with promises of same. Even the walkers, though they had their own superbly marked trail and all kinds of clear instruction, still found a way to gang aglay. Abuser and Comes First swanned in when the circle was almost over.

A clutch of front runners blindly followed Rubbed Raw, Nora and Wankee Yankee off trail down a muddy and thorny path, then all the way back. STD noted Nora’s muddy legs and wondered aloud whether they might like to feel the rough side of his tongue, that is, a tongue bath. Her response implied she is no stranger to debauchery and steam was seen blowing from STD’s ears. Former FRB Rubbed Raw arrived at the subsequent hold an embarrasing 4 minutes after most of the rest of the pack.

(Added by HT Assistance) The pack then follwed a couple of very frisky, horny cows, rousing them into a charging gallop along the narrow path, Shortcutter Little Boy a near victim.  Luckily the trail took a sudden left turn, and the cows carried on.  But then, near disaster, the road the cows were on met with the trail again.  Some hashers, now in front of the bovine pair, were then being chased Pamplona style down the road.  Rubbed Raw and Wannacracker were lucky to escape a goring, and certainly had to work hard to stay in front!!

Don’t trust what you read in the local press. Three months after the transparent April Fools Day ruse on this blog, Tim of the tree gashed head fame (so much material to work with there for a name, Mr Tinkle) asked about the Hash getting closed down by the authorities (see here). We have a winner! As a journo he might be interested in another exclusive story we’ve been keeping under our sarongs: did you hear about that actress who got stabbed? Rhys…someone….

Hashionista Flying Plod continues to turn heads, turning up this week in a virginal all-white outfit. White is the colour this rainy season, he says.

Wanna Cracker has completed 270 runs (respect) but still struggles with the concept of the hash hold. Very lucky to escape punishment.

An eloquent defence of his hash beering record was not enough to save Flaccido Domingo from the charge of running out of beer last week. Down Down.

The On On On was at the Burmese place Irrawaddy. The food was straight out delicious and came straight out as we arrived. A great venue to keep in mind.

On On to the Red Dress Run.