
Date: 27/07/08
Hares: GM Blah Blah, Ikea
Run report: Ikea
Election Day 2008 and the Kingdom swelters under a booze ban.
Thank heavens for the Law of the River (1724), an antique unrepealed statute granting exemption from political concerns to the thirsty riparian traveller. The Hash can proceed unmolested extempore ad nauseum.
From the Railway Station across to Chruoy Changvar and we board the fair cutter Paris 1 and her sister sloop Paris 2. Beermaster Flaccido has taken good precautions to secret the rum rations. Fester has his best shorts on out of respect. No sign of Seaman Staines. Of Pugwash fame. And then the flag is hoisted and off we cruise to the far side of the Mekong where Hares Ikea and GM Blah Blah have laid a trail.
It is a short and comfortable passage and soon the virginal ones are offered up and the trail explained. ‘Short’ is the word, but no one seems to believe it. In truth, the walkers have not been fantastically catered for. Perhaps they won’t notice. Sorry walkers.
The checks work a treat in the early riverbank section. Vegas Simon gambles on a check and loses. The odds are against you as an FRB. Phlegm notes a pagoda in the distance and feels its tremendous spiritual magnetism pull him in, shortcutting can only result, but he resists. Two rude bridges are approached. Many hashers later praise the structural powers of bamboo. One hash splash is recorded, sadly not on film.
We emerge out onto the road. Here be dogs. Landlubbers beware. Possibly the nastiest pack of cerberus’s this side of the river. At last, a hold and it is here that Grump provides stretching advice to a female hasher, advice that would make a sailor blush. Out of the hold Runs Well and Wanna Cracker plough off the wrong way to the delight of this Hare, and they find themselves at the tail of the pack as it enters an extremely picturesque area of orchards.
At the second hold Flaccido Domingo commits an unnatural act with a tree. Unnatural for the tree, natural for Flaccido. Luckily, Hash Flash Yap Yap was on the spot. The second half of the run continues through lychee trees and back out onto the road for a good fast finish. Wanna Cracker sprints in to find Runs Well into his first beer and the walkers back a good ten minutes already. We told you it was short.
Expect hijinks when sailors go on shore leave and consequently the punishment session is long and grave. The many Cambodians with dirty forefingers are praised and punished for voting, as are those who failed to exercise their democratic responsibilities - eg Paulette, shame. Stand in RA Flaccido, sporting a new Garmin on his wrist, is rightly ruthless with a plague of technology abusers and all are keelhauled. Foreign Spies are called forward, Excellent Choice is asked to account for the hysterical sodomising loose in Malaysia. He puts up naught defence under the mildest questioning. Down Down to Fester for swinging between the run and the walk. Down Down to Flaccido for what he did to that tree, probably will be in the next Global Witness report. On by one the sailors take their lashes. Self-reported Down Down to GM Captain Blah Blah for again interrupting his own circle to indicate a sunset. ‘Get of the grass’ is the call from the stern.
Adventures don’t end there. The two boats meet difficulty pulling out of a lee shore. Weed has tangled the rudder. We could go down in five inches of water. With most of the crew in no fit state, Comes Anally gives some advice. But old hand Flying Plod says no need to panic until the beer runs out. Right he is and after a nice delay we are on the voyage home. Last vision of this hash was Little Boy, Plod, Blah Blah, Yap Yap dancing a hornpipe on the prow to the tune of The Macarena.
The on on on was at the Rising Sun.
ON ON











