P2H3 Run #873 – The Shortcutters Dream Trail

Run Date: 24/08/2008

Hares: Milky Discharge, Horny Cow, Sophena, Silicon Chip (Walk)

Run Report: Rubbed Raw

Pleasant skies returned once more to Phnom Penh this week, after last week’s torrential monsoon, with the Rain Gods deciding to take a week off.  Even the injured Two Muffins and a Banana returned, not to be beaten by those fiendish rice bunds.  It seemed however the rain last week had put off a few, with numbers being slightly down.  The two truck strategy seems to be paying off with Hashers enjoying much more space to stand, converse, passing beer and other fluids (no not that type! even Mr Tinkle has some standards!) around.

The destination this week was to Blah Blah’s old stamping ground, on the very swollen East banks of the Tonle Bassac.  The rain has been reasonably light this week, and so the trail was firm and dry underfoot for the pack.  The hares this week were Milky Discharge, Horny Cow and virgin Hare ANZ Banker Sophena.  The nine virgins were welcomed by stand in GM, Rubbed Raw (with Blah Blah in China trying to find where his nation’s lost Gold had gone). The new blood was from the UK, USA, Malaysia, Cambodia and even Finland this week.

A fast run was ensured by the dry conditions, despite an early meander around the market gardens of the area, and 2 early Hash Holds, the FRBs were soon to have their evil way and split up the pack on the long hard fast run into the halfway point.  You could hear the whinging and cursing of the Leaking Duck’s of the world from the Beer Truck!  “Where’s the next f**king Hold!”

The halfway was at the (in)famous Pagoda of the Anchor Brewery run fame, and some FRBs had a long wait for the last stranded, overheating hash backmarkers to finally arrive.  The Royal D’s were very popular this week, with most hashers sweating away half their body weight in the extreme temperatures, and long stretches of the trail so far.

The second half was to be one great short cutting opportunity for those unsuspecting (and possibly some divisive) FRBs.  The trail found the parallel road to the highway, where the Hares struggled to find many good trails on return, and so had to revert to shorter loops to the left and right of the road to lengthen the return.  However the problem of a short loop is that should an unsuspecting FRB miss the Check Around Mark, or the On Back Cross he may find himself very quickly back on trail, none the wiser a loop had even existed!  Oh the shame and indignation for them, never wishing to have a shorter run, but those FRBs were enjoying moving at such speed in the flat, dry conditions this week, trail marks were all but a blur!  How can they be blamed for these short cutting ways?!

The circle, presided by Stand in GM, was a clinical one, without the rambling, dancing and sunset-spotting Blah Blah.  The Hares were berated for laying such a well marked trail, the Virgins, formerly introduced, were quickly dealt with, then the Foreign Spy from Sumatra, and 3 Returnees including Just Add Beer, with such ruthless efficiency even Blitzkrieg was in awe!  Acting RA was Milky Discharge (being groomed for greater things one thinks!) punished such sins as bad moustache attempts by Little Boy and Just Add Beer, smokers, short-cutters and other random charges from Tokyo Joe (accusing Kate of being Festers Love Child!) were to repent to the tunes of Choirmaster, Leaking Duck! Anniversaroids this week were Little Boy (70), Mr Tinkle (110) and making the century, Flaccido Domingo!

The main act of the circle was to be P2H3’s own closing ceremony of the Olympic Games.  With a few Russian impersonators (Bronze), the many Yank’s (Silver) and (Malay) Chinese (Gold) accepted their respective medals, being the top three nations on the medal table. The circle was reminded of next weeks Annual Erections to be hosted at the Leaking Duck Mansion, and then ended with a hearty Swing Low rendition.

The extra room and fluid passing was once again enjoyed on the way home, with the On On On making a return to the Golden Cabbage.  The efficiency of the day was luckily repeated by the restaurant staff so that Hashers could return to see the end of China’s feeble effort at re-enacting P2H3’s Olympic Closing ceremony.  All in all a good Hash this week, shame about the uninspired, coffee infused Run Report!

On On to London 2012! (oh dear – how do we follow that Olympics!)

P2H3 Run #872 – For Whom the Hash Tolls

Run Date: 17/08/2008

Hares: Ikea, Flaccido Domingo, Sandy

Run Report: Blah Blah

And amidst the rain one hasher fell and cried out in anguish.  The other runners stared and cried thus “her ankle is weak and she runneth no more; abandon her to the paddy”.  But the walkers took pity and muttered amongst themselves “this looketh a fine bloody opportunity to get out of this downpour.  Let us aid this stricken runner and return her to the warm, and above all else dry, truck.”  And they did.  (Hops 13:15)

The hash has adopted a two truck strategy following the Tokyo subway reenactment of the week prior.  In order to celebrate this momentous event the hares Flacido Domingo, Ikea and Sandy ensured the hash had to go through the toll gate.  Sure, the run was only 200m past the toll gate however the point had to be made.

The pack started off into the paddy fields as the clouds started to roll like the harbingers of doom.  Sensing this impending meteorological onslaught returning runner Two Muffins and a Banana did a wonderful pirouette on a dyke and twisted her ankle.  After checking for compound fractures the runners left her to return to the start, a mere 500m or so away, however she decided to continue with the walkers.  This attempt lasted a mere 10 minutes before the heavens had well and truly opened with lightning and thunder belting out a merry symphony across the rather exposed landscape.  Spotting the imminent deluge James bravely volunteered to carry Two Muffins and a Banana back to the truck, Silicon Chip offered medical services, Lickedy Slit translations services, Pissalot car comfort, Little Boy financial advice, Madam Ovaries extra clothing and Lois professional counseling.  Never before has a hasher been courted so.

Early into the run and already Phlegm and Mr Tinkle had headed off trail on their own bringing the unsuspecting Kate with them.  It was a plan that held them in good stead early in the run however came terribly unstuck when the trail conducted a tricky turn away from the temptation of the paddy. The torrential downpour did slow the hashers somewhat and GM Blah Blah, Wannacracker and Simon were left to do most of the checking whilst a wet and bedraggled pack waited upon their calls through the rain.

Just when we though the trail couldn’t get any wetter the rain gods cried “raise you and see you” and all hell broke loose.  The pack was struggling to even look forwards with the rain stinging the eyes and for once in hash history the pack wasn’t sorry to discover the truck absent at the half way mark.  Ikea made a half hearted attempt to look for it however as Leaking Duck noted whilst shielding his face from the torrent “I don’t think I need a drink of water right now”.  So to cries of “bugger this for a game of soldiers” and some such it was on on and soon the pack was in a village where the road had turned into a river which inevitably had us swimming upstream.  Eventually the rain abated and the pack squelched its way back via yet more paddy.

The circle convened and a number of spurious charges were laid from overzealous evacuation procedures to the improper attire of senior hashers.  Phlegm and Flacido Domingo also were given a down down as part of a goodwill gesture prior to the Nigeria-Belgium Olympic football clash.  GM Blah Blah provided a self appointed down down for noting the beautiful sunset coupled with a rather fetching rainbow.  The circle stared in amazement at the performance of Mr Tinkle who struggled mightily through two down downs, obviously having softened up over his sojourn in merry England.  We apologise to any small kiddies that had to watch this woeful performance and shall endeavour to rectify this sorry state of affairs.  After the circle had finished the steadily drying pack made their way back to town where they broke bread together at City Place.

In all a damp but well marked run and once again the hash sends its thanks to Thor for deciding to pick some other poor wandering sod in the paddy as his target for the day.

On On!

P2H3 Run #871 – The Big Village

Date: 10/08/08

Hares: Tai Ching Lim, STD, Madame Ovary, Comes First

Run report: Phlegm

80 runners! 27 Virgins. A record. Phnom Penh HHH is more and more popular. What can we do? After August 31st Hash Erection, a new committee is one solution. With Fester as Grand Master, Spillage as Religious adviser and Flip Flop as Trail Master, the number will decrease soon.

So, the truck left fuller than one of those carts taking Cambodian girls to the garment factory. Four hares in four vehicles was the solution to find the right way. In Flying Plod and Silicon Chip’s car, Lady Taï Ching explained the direction:

“It is a BIG village… The place where STD likes to go…” — Km11? Direction of Battambang?

“Yes! Yes!” — Do you know what kind of village it is?

“No. It is the place where many prostitutes are assembled.” — Ho…! “After the left turn at Km11 direction Phnom Basset, you have to continue.” — How long? “I don’t know.”

After 10 min calling, she said 6Km. We turned right after 6 more K’s.

“Ahh, heuhhh, no, no, it is not here… Back! Back! It is the “Communist Center”, I remember now. Hello, Mme Ovary? Where is it, we are lost… It is 6 MILES!!! Community Center..? Mhhh…”

Finally, we found the truck waiting for us. But 100 cows arrived and walked before us on a narrow way. Fortunately, our GM Blah Blah arrived followed by Milky discharge with his horn and the smiley Flaccido Domingo. They cleared the way like real cowboys.

So, around 4:20pm we started the run with our 80 hashers. Oudong could have been reached at 4pm! Comes First and STD hares for the runners; Taï Ching and Madame Ovary hares for the walkers. The start was well located at a school and immediately we found the nature with rice fields, trees and fantastic scenery with mountains at the horizon. The problems started for the runners regarding the STD marking. False trails were generally around 200m and the first mark after 50m, if you could see it. Consequently, what are you doing when you find a false trail after 200m? 1. For the stupid FRBs, more Christian than Jesus Christ himself, they came back to the checkaround (400m lost it’s only 50 seconds for Rubbed Row and Ikea); 2. For some others (Flaccido, Wanna Cracker, Milky Discharge, Horny Cow…) they shortcut to join the front; OR 3. Others take a look at the Walkers and see if there is a pagoda far away… (clever guys like Flip Flop for example).

After 5K’s (or 7K’s for Rubbed Raw), the pack arrived…at the favorite Mr Tinkle pagoda. But we didn’t stop inside because it is too nice. We stayed outside with the trucks and the dusty road. Thank you STD for this brilliant idea. (STD is not reading the blog, I can go further).

Second part was as far as the first but with a lovely fresh air. Excellent small ways in the forest, or close to Chinese graves (every time nice view there) and super dry paths except for the short legs of Hit On Me. Runners and walkers arrived approximately together which is a very good timing. Congratulations to Madame Ovary. Who else could do it?

The Down down was the occasion to celebrate the regular hares. New hat with H logo and rabbit had been offered to Blah Blah, Botticelli, Fester, Flaccido Domingo, Laverne, Piglet, STD and Wanna Cracker. Well done! Kate Bugeja and Taï Ching (10 runs each), STD (160 runs) and Kong, foreign Spy from Los Angeles HHH, were punished with beer. Taï Ching received a bonus with Ice cube under her legs. She adopted a Khmer wedding position during the long wait. Ach, the Hash skirts are not long. What a pity Miss J Love Bite!

On on on was at the Sweet restaurant where 15 hashers had indicated they would turn up. But Hash popularity is increasing and at least 40 hashers arrived which is only 50% of this Olympic run attendance.

On! On!

Georgia…

One World, One Dream? Get out of here…

Hash relevance? Naught, just a flimsy excuse to post a very cool map. That’s the Hash Trash perogative!

And when you are next in Tbilisi, check out the local drinking club with a Russian invasion problem, Tbilisi H3. Good luck Tbilisi hashers.

On On to world peace.

Mismanagement meeting

Mismanagement committee meets 8pm this Wednesday at the Velkommen Inn.

Expect a truckload of issues and interminable speechmaking.  ON ON!!

P2H3 Run Report #870 – Haring: It’s a game of two halves

Run Date: 3/08/2008

Hares: Phlegm, Chick Pea, Botticelli (walk)

Run Report: Rubbed Raw

The Master-Hare of P2H3 Phlegm was once again in charge of setting the trail this week, his 146^th Hare!  Better weather was promised from the drenching two weeks ago by the RA, returned from his Koh Kong Recluse and Meditation session.  Despite a few spots of rain, the RA did not disappoint with cloudy skies and a favourable breeze keeping the temperatures down, and some tropical long-timers and locals would say almost chilly!

The venue this week was Kambol out by the Go Kart Race Track, but on this run, there was to be little in the way of racing.  The trail in this rice growing area is inevitably on the bunds, especially now in the wet season.  The verdant green of the young rice crops however provided a stunning backdrop to the largest Virgin Contingent ever seen of 20 to the P2H3 Hash this week.  Also gracing the pack were Foreign Spies Big Mac, Ugen (?) & Doan Ngoc Thu Trang from the Saigon H3, who had recently jointly hashed with P2H3 in Can Tho and Amber from California.

The first half was a very well marked 6km tramp amongst the rice bunds, with a mixture of sandy roads, slimy dykes (no names mentioned) and water filled ditches keeping the FRB’s on their toes with many a switch in direction of the trail.  Notable was Kate for her recently found turn of speed, taking over the FRBee-ach mantle from Cheesy Thong Flasher – proving that yoga and pilates can help your running!.  Only one period of complete confusion, when even the hare lost track of the trails direction, marred a seamless haring performance, this half!!

But as the Run Report title says, it’s a game of two halves.  Having got the pack successfully to the halfway beer stop, there is the job of getting folks back home.  The power lines, seen at the start were a good indication of where home was, and even the starting pagoda could me made out in the near distance.  However those knowing Phlegm would expect a very roundabout return encompassing many more km’s of obstacles and those slimy dykes.  But clearly after his house warming party Friday night, Phlegm had maybe had a few too many Pastisse to get up too early to set the trail and the light must have faded.  This is the only excuse HT can think of why the second half was so short and direct!  Not a ditch, nor a dyke, only a slight hillock being the only obstacle for hashers to encounter on the sub 2km return home.

The FRB’s were shocked and the back runners grateful in equal measure, with even Fester feigned surprised at the ease of this return.  Phlegm is clearly going soft on the P2H3 after so many years of Haring with his reputation for long, arduous runs possibly in tatters.  HT would advise those of a faint heart to miss the next Phlegm Hare if he wants to make up for this one, it’ll be a long and tough one for sure!!

The circle was a kind of Blah Blah meets.. talk show, with the affable, dancing host giving each of his guest’s the opportunity to share their life stories.  With there not being enough potties for the mass of virgins, this was split by walkers and runners.  It seems we are attracting many more virgin French variety this run, which is always good!  The Foreign Spies were toasted, and memories of Can Tho shared, a final farewell to Frog Touch / Ambassador’s Orifice to Southhampton, joined in beer by the Anniveraroids Flying Plod (90) and even Blah Blah (80) himself .  RA was shocked how low the moral’s of the flock had sunk in his time away, and pulled many such as Spillage and Ikea (Bjorn Borg lookalike) into line for crimes such as hillock domination, fashion abuse respectively and the large Danish Virgin Henrik for smoking in the circle.

Now back to the Game of Two Halves theme.. A Hare’s job is to not only set the trail (first half), but also to select the On On On destination.  Not an easy job with many tastes, and backgrounds on the Hash to cater for.  The Hares on this occasion decided to take the Hash kicking and screaming upmarket to the Russian Restaurant Irena’s.  The restaurant had clearly never experienced over 30 hungry Hashers and the waitresses struggled to cope with their ever demanding (almost childlike) ways of the average Hasher.  Maybe the P2H3 Restaurant Selection Policy needs to be updated slightly to cope with the increasing popularity of the On On On?