HASH FLASH

1.  The Hash wants YOU.  To hare.  This weekend if possible.  Don’t let others get all the glory and abuse, enlist now, you won’t regret it.

For details please contact Mr. Tinkle at ajaveling@yahoo.co.uk

2.  Hash Trash (Yogi Bra (Me)) will be away for a few weeks, which means there will be no run reports during this time.  It also means profound disappointment for the 5 people who actually bother to read these things.  UNLESS you would like to submit a report while I’m away.  Don’t let others get all the glory and abuse, enlist now, you won’t regret it.
For details please contact me (Yogi Bra (Hash Trash)) at kate@kateliana.com

P2H3 Run #906 – Dog On Heat Memorial Run

Date:  29/3/2009

Hares:  Blah Blah & Co. (run), Madame Ovary (walk)

Run Report:  Yogi Bra

A good-sized crowd turned out for the one-year anniversary of the untimely passing of Dog On Heat, an eminent runner and dedicated hasher.

Armed with sacks of flour from Lucky and too much energy for someone who supposedly woke at 5am and drove that morning from Kampong Cham, GM Blah Blah set off for a live hare with a slightly different format.  In a long, hot game of tag, Blah Blah and the hare set off with their flour and a small head start.  Once the hare was caught the tagger became the new hare and the process continued.

Of course the first hare chosen was a virgin.  But he gamely agreed to leave his friends and head off into the woods with Blah Blah – fairly brave of him.  He was eventually caught by Wannacracker who managed to stay ahead of the pack until the half way.  Runswell, Simon, Dutchie, Thong Flasher, Kate B. and Karl came close but none could catch him.

The lucky draw winner to kick off haring after the half-way was none other than Fester.  After Phlegm stripped him of his wallet so he couldn’t live hare on a moto, he galloped off after Blah Blah, faster than a speeding tuk tuk.  Unsurprisingly Simon caught him quickly, and took over hare-mantle for the remainder of the run.  All would have gone smoothly had the hares not accidentally stumbled across a short-cutting, walking Phlegm, who “caught” them.

Circle

This week saw the return of hash choirettes The Sirens, consisting of Thong Flasher, Love Bite, Yogi Bra and SuMing who provided much raunchy merriment to the proceedings.  GM Blah Blah and AGM Milky Discharge took the reigns and got down to business.  Virgins, Foreign Spies, and Returnees were all anointed in beer.  Laverne celebrated a special anniversary, having completed 290 runs.

The usually overzealous RA Flaccido Domingo was even more heated than usual, maybe due to sunstroke.  He began by calling in Blah Blah, Phlegm and the other bourgeoisie elite for their fishing trip.  Then Love Bite joined in the fray by dragging in all the fashion victims.  Little Boy and some virgins were punished for hailing from Michigan – something to do with the GM plant closing, I believe.  Yankee Wanker and Agrippa were made to drink from their huge, blocky hiking boots.  Then all the Swedes — Milky, Agrippa and a virgin — were brought in and serenaded by Blah Blah with an ABBA song.

On the international crisis front, the biggest problem we could come up with was the imminent flooding in Fargo, North Dakota.  All North Americans were brought in to form a towering dyke with their potties, and Dutch Dorienne had to stick her finger in it.  After a rousing rendition of God Bless America the dyke was dismantled, the Dutchwoman released.

There was also some weirdness involving Agrippa and foreskin, the less said about that the better.  Almost as disturbing was Wanker and Flasher’s dance to try to distract the hash and change the subject.  People, everyone knows that Blah Blah is the Lord of the Dance on the hash, and will perform everything from the Russian Cossack dance to the pas de deux from Swan Lake with little or no encouragement.  Please, leave him his mantle.

12 hours later we finally closed circle, and it was on to the on on on at the Golden Thatching, where Dog On Heat was toasted again.  Amen.

P2H3 Run #904 – Beware the Ides of Phlegm

Date:  15/3/2009

Hares: Andre & Dorien (running), Phlegm, Chick Pea & Pearl Necklace (walking)

Run Report:  Blah Blah

The pack did marvel at the raft for it was made of bushes and plants from ponds yonder, but the hare did not hesitate as he loaded the raft with wary runners and cried to them “It will be fine my friends.  I’ll just, um, wait here, er, for the remaining runners.  Honestly you’ll be fine.” [Hops 13:06]

They say the ferryman over the river Styx requires a silver coin for passage.  For this fee you get a first class boat ride on a classical Greek skiff, complete with the ferryman Charon adorned in a lovely red cape, guaranteed safe passage and landfall in the afterlife where, if the suicide bombers are to be believed, awaits a life full of bare skin and grapes.

This is what a silver coin gets you.

For a few Riel you get a pile of foliage massed together with a couple of sticks for support, complete with a local famer who has wandered in from the field out of curiosity, someone is guaranteed to get wet and landfall is on a slippery bank with dried paddy on the far side.

Clearly we should have paid more.  I like grapes.

It was virgin territory out at Banteay Daek, near the site of the 900^th, which the hares had chosen for their run.   There was a sea of green as St Patrick’s Day once again leapt into the life of the hash with all the exuberance of a deranged leprechaun. Pearl Necklace provided the hash with a series of fashionable hats from Water Lilly which helped keep the sun off and no doubt the bits of shrubbery attached shall be useful for sneaking up on hares during live runs in the future.

The run saw the return of Wanky Yankee, complete with clover, Hit on Me and André (mini Little Boy).  Special mention must go to Little Boy for attending the run after what many will confirm was a big night out the evening (and early morning) prior.  Flying Plod was looking resplendent in his fluorescent green jacket and flying hat whilst Mr Tinkle signaled his English roots by refusing to wear even a hint of green.  Runs Well was seen exhibiting herculean strength as he repeatedly snapped the ferryman’s rope whilst Sarsy stood by offering advice of the helpful sort.  A true advisor if ever there was one.  Legend has it the master forger of advisors broke the mould after making Sarsy, claiming to all that such a masterpiece of advice giving could never be repeated.

Agrippa had nominated himself for the ferryman’s boat the day prior to the run when he managed to be knocked off his bike in front of GM Blah Blah and Yap Yap whilst they were sipping espressos and watching the entire scene with bemusement.  Another nominee for the ferryman’s boat included Festering Chronic Masturbator who forgot that when ants find their way into your shirt it is a good idea to remove them.  Who says he is getting old.

At the end of the day the joint Canadian singing of Tokyo Joe and Wanky Yankee was enough to drive the pack onto trucks and into the sunset.

Don’t pay the Ferryman,

Don’t even ask the price.

Don’t pay the Ferryman,

’till he gets you to the other side.

Whoa, oohhhh

Don’t paaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay the Ferryman.

P2H3 Run #903 – Short and Sweet. And Hot.

Date:  8/3/2009

Hares:  Dutchie, Blah Blah (run), Germinator (walk)

Run Report:  Phlegm & Yogi Bra

It was a nice run.

Above is Phlegm’s contribution to the this week’s report.

I will add that it was hot and short.  Snaky.  Promised shade was lacking.  Lots of potholes for ankles.  But pretty, nice area, there was Royal D on the truck.  Only 7.5 or 8 kms. Blah Blah provided running commentary on his trail, while simultaneously trying to keep the pack together and on track, and dodging red ant attacks. Dutchie preferred the silent approach and just ran his own trail.

Little Boy turned up with is son, who ran unlike his father. Runswell did not, I saw him lumbering along mid-pack and wondered if it had grown colder in hell than on that trail.  Wannacracker saved face and rode the truck from the half-way back to the finish, not wanting to associate with the walkers.  Fester did something Festerish, I’m sure.  Lots of ladies got their weekly mango shopping out of the way.

Tokyo Joe showed up and taught us some new songs.  RA Flaccido Domingo did his thing, bellowing and castigating all and sundry.  Yogi Bra was subjected to double-jeopardy, punished twice for her adventures in Kep, and the subsequent documenting of such adventures. Check Around broke a Frisbee in half, still not sure how, but all the village children were sorely disappointed.  Blah Blah enticed female representatives of each country from the circle to stand and drink for International Women’s Day, and Flying Plod sang a soul-stirring rendition of “I am Woman, Hear me Roar”, or at least I think that’s what he was trying for.

Due to proximity to city, we were back in time for a nasty traffic jam before the Monivong Bridge, and eventually pulled up to the Khmer BBQ joint in the darkness of night.

On On to St. Patrick’s Day!

Fake Outstation Hash – Kep Half-Marathon

 

Date:  1/3/2009

Hare:  Some Chick from Singapore

Fake Report:  Yogi Bra

That’s right, while you all were sweating and slogging through the back roads of Phnom Penh Thmey, some of us were sweating and slogging through the back roads of Kep and Chamcar Bei.  It was a mixed-up version of hash: the on on on was the night before, the meet time was 5:40AM and the joyful singing and dancing of Blah Blah in the post-run circle was replaced by Apsara dancing and a speech by the Provincial Governor.  

The day before saw Milky Discharge, Horny Cow, Love Bite, Thong Flasher and Yogi Bra poolside, soaking up sun and mojitos, until a lightning storm drove us inside.  SuMing was busy hiking in nature and missed all the action.  Later at the Sailing Club we feasted on swordfish, pasta and chocolate cake with the other participants and got hit up for more cash (oh yeah, it was a fundraiser).

The next day at 5:40AM sharp we were joined by long-lost hasher Yankee Wanker and some Singaporean racers and after a quick photo shoot were off.  The trail was bumpy, hilly and hot – no Angkor to say the least.  Instead of smiling children cheering us on, we had a smattering of people along the trail staring at us.  The organizers didn’t waste our contribution money on too much water, thankfully.  I can’t say much about the others since they ran much faster than me, but Thong Flasher apparently pulled a Mr. Tinkle and made a quick pit-stop in the bushes.  I had my own personal police motorcycle escort, who rode up my ass for the first 14 kilometers, but I was so hot and tired I longed to pull a Fester and ask him for a lift. 

Milky, Horny and Thong Flasher all ran well.  Yankee Wanker came in 2^nd place, thank goodness because the poor 3^rd place chap had a latrine named after him (Wanker now has a well dedicated to him).  Love Bite and SuMing, who represented the hash admirably in the 10k, both did well, though SuMing was chafe-city afterwards.  When it was all over we hobbled back to Kep for a subdued on on on before they trekked back to Phnom Penh.

On On to Phuket!

P2H3 Run#902 – The Gamble

Date: 1/3/2009

Hares:  Hold ‘em and Dusty (run), Fold ‘em (walk)

Run Report:  Phlegm

March 1^st : no freeze, no breeze, no trees, and 45 degrees!

The trail was at the favourite place of the infernal couple Fold Em & Hold Em. It is easy to reach: 5K on the airport road, 5 more K on the new concrete road. But Hold Em likes the Dusty roads of Toul Kork and the ugly boom boom of Phnom Penh Thmey. The ugliest part of the capital was for us at least 20 minutes. However, it is pure strategy. Indeed, if you offer the dirtiest at the beginning, the only possibility after is to have a better view.

The start for the walkers was at the half way’s run and they reached that point with one of the trucks (good idea from Fold Em, the brain of the couple; he has the legs) The runners looked for the first white dots with Dusty and Hold Em as hares. Yes…the first km was better than ugly: simply awful. But the marking was correct on the dry field. Predictable anyway. Yes it is the third time that Hold Em set a trail and it is still the same area. Just 500M further each time. If he sets a trail every 6 months, we can expect a nice trail close to the lovely hills we saw at the horizon, in approximately… 20 years.

GM Blah Blah brought the horn with a temperature of 45°C. No trees, no breeze. Scoutmaster, Runswell, Dinus, Dorien, Mr. Tinkle, Raw Sex, Pipe Organ, Yap Yap and Weed with his old sandals tried to catch the FRB Phlegm but never did. In fact, when I arrived first at the half way (Yes!), I passed the walkers (including Chick Pea, the first hasher trying to have a free delivery on the H trail) and Fold Em stopped me because the truck was supposed to be there. However, I met Cums Anally on the way and we continued along a nice canal under shrubs. After that, we arrived to a rubbish place for a while and in the middle of that huge filth, a big board from the Ministry of Environment explains: “It is absolutely forbidden to put rubbish here.” Yes we can!

The Down downs were the occasion to welcome the ten Virgins including a beautiful Cambodian girl wearing a tennis mini-skirt. As a religious advisor, Dusty was confused and with his huge head of red hair (Did you know that his barber is in jail?) he looked like a sheep before shearing. Fester was very excited also. Moreover, he just washed his old fashion short and his only underpants last Saturday in the Evergreen swimming pool (which is now renamed the Ever-yellow bath).

After Harry and Lucy Scoutmaster’s celebration for their 10 anniversaroid’s, Hold Em continued as Religious advisor. The man is good. A Fantastic preacher! Heejin from Korea, another young nice girl was sentenced for Technical abuser (in fact, with her Ipod she was listening jazz during the run). The same sin for Madame Ovary listening Céline Dion on the walk (Bouhhhh!). Chapped lips and Wee Dribble, Foreign Spies from Edmonton invited us to their 1000 run in July in Canada. Generously, the GM will offer a free flying ticket for the runner with the highest figure of runs in July 2009. Thank you Blah Blah!

Finally, six courageous hashers mimed the Bangladesh Rifles killing the Army officers during the time the pack sang “Bang Bang”. Raw Sex looking for decent hamburgers in Germany will miss the next St. Patrick Hash March 15^th where we could set a live run with 3 Bangladeshi Rifles leaving first and 69 Bangladeshi officers trying to catch them. Alleluia!