P2H3 Run #876 - The Rubbed Out Run

Date: 14/09/08

Hare: Rubbed Raw, Yogi Bra, Botticelli (walk), Chick Pea (walk)

Hashtrash — Due to a happy clerical error we got two reports this week. Neither is likely to be a correct record of events.

1. Phlegm:

2h30pm. Sunscreen, sunglasses, H hat: ready to go to the H.

2h45pm: registration at the railway station with a nice sun. Leaking Duck, the new H cash, is not lucky. Only 45 hashers today… Some hashers have bad excuses: Ikea: flu or dengue; Tokyo Joe: boat trip; J Love Bite: wine tasting; Mr Tinckle: English Premier league football… Others have a better excuse as Yap Yap: shopping in Tokyo with Blah Blah’s credit card; STD: fishing in the Phillipines…

3h05pm: our GM Blah Blah explains the direction but he is not the hare today. Yogi Bra and Rubbed Raw Yogi said “The River close to the Killing Fields”. Surprisingly, Yogi Bra is not able to explain the way to the drivers. Thus, we are following the GM’s car. set the trail the day before and

3h06pm: the trucks are moving to Mao Tse Tung boulevard. And the rain starts. A big rain. And moreover the wind is there. After 5 minutes we are freezing. Virgin runners Nadia Astari from Indonesia is sitting at a corner of the truck and takes some photos. She is smiling. Nora “Thong Cheese Flasher”, back from her holiday in Vermont tells us about her long journey spent waiting in airports. Fascinating! The rain is stronger. Gosh, we are freezing… Horny Cow cannot resist and snuggles up to Milky Discharge. Sex on the H! After 5 more minutes, she sits on the beer bucket close to Spillage and clings on to the abdomen of her love (the other guy!). What a hot scene! How will they finish? Kate Bugeja is horrified. She is the only one with a raincoat and puts her hood on her eyes…

But even with a so hot sexual scene in the truck, we are still freezing. Yogi Bra does not remember the way. Rubbed Raw is waiting at the Intercontinental hotel (what a snob !). Consequently all the traffic is blocked at the crossroads. But even with his poncho, he refuses to join the pack on the truck and goes on the luxurious GM’s car.  Snobbish hasher!

Our truck turns left to the Killing Fields memorial. Yogi Kate has no idea where the start is and Under the Table proposes to join that pagoda… On back! On the road again… And we reach the cars.

Finally, we arrive at the river but we have to continue 3 more Km on a muddy road. 4h05pm: we took one hour to reach the start. Rubbed Raw is three times faster with his bicycle but sometimes collides with the motorbikes. It was the case a few hours before the H when he came back from Kirirom. Yes, he is crazy.

The hares explain that the trails are long: 7km for the walkers with Botticelli and Chick Pea as walking hares. 15km for the runners! Let’s go, it is a good training for the next half Marathon in Angkor. We have fast runners today: Herring Chocker is back, Dinus De Vries from Holland, the returnee Patrick, Runswell and Wanna Cracker of course, Horny Cow and Thong Cheese Flasher, Blah Blah and Milky Discharge and last but not least, an Olympic Cambodian runner with his own official uniform (Dara).Flaccido Domingo is a little bit tired today. Too many beers or too many girls?

9km after the start, we find the Half way close to another pagoda south. Cramps are coming. Runners are stretching.

Second part is on a lovely way. A dike with rice fields on the right side and the river on the left. Typical Khmer houses along the way and many Cambodian supporters. The finish is magnificent: the roof of the pagoda is illuminated and twinkles in the night. Better than the Royal Palace! Yes, it is cloudy and past 6pm but what a fantastic scene.

The down downs are magic. With Flying Plod as a Choir Master, our new virgin hasher Keira carries a Chinese lantern and other “kids” do the same: Milky Discharge, Under The Table, Piglet, Thida, Laverne… Due to the magic mushroom party organized the day before, Tai Ching receives her H name after 15 runs: Happy Cake. Good luck in Japan and come back to Cambodia! Another leaver receives down downs for all the sins he commits this afternoon: Rubbed Raw. After 59 runs and 6 hares, P2H3 thanks you. Don’t forget you will have a free run when you will be back in Phnom Penh.

On On Baby!

2: Blah Blah

And the hare did leap forth into the four wheel drive and claim with great excitement, “it raineth bloody hard, however I do feel bad about joining bourgeois elite whilst others suffer so on yonder truck.  How does one work this CD player?  Can you possibly turn up the aircon a little?”  [Hops 13:04]

It was a very dark and foreboding sky that greeted the forty or so hardened souls at the train station.  Rubbed Raw had promised a long and hard run and Yogi’s Bra’s slightly dazed look suggested that the trail had indeed tested their endurance.  Rubbed Raw, however, was not able to make it to the station and instead elected to be picked up by a swish, all comfort, four wheel drive outside of the Intercontinental Hotel.  Oh how the standards slip (or rise as the case may be).

Despite a torrential downpour on the way to the run site past the Killing Fields, the hash itself was held in a gentle sprinkling of rain.  The hares informed the pack that the run would be around 14 to 15km with a few short cuts thrown in.   Needless to say there was an unseemly rush to the walkers’ camp after this announcement had sunk in.  It also resulted in a fear of checking with Wannacracker, GM Blah Blah, Patrick (back from Burma) and Dara left to find the path for the pack over the ensuing km’s.

The was some form shown by Leaking Duck who seemed to revel in the longer distance (though was guilty of taking one short cut) and a complete lack of form from Phlegm who joined the walkers for the second leg.  Boticelli was also enjoying out-walking the walkers and declared at the end of the trail that the rest of the walkers were some way behind her, somewhere, wherever, it doesn’t matter.  There may be a general declaration that from hence forth Boticelli will have to join the run.  Piglet also showed some running capacity coming in at the front of the walkers with Phlegm at a gentle jog.  Horny Cow was one of the few hashers to complete the full circuit along with Milky Discharge, though he was forced to forfeit his horn for the second half in order to regain some breathe.  Runs Well broke down late in the second half claiming cramp, though he wasn’t entirely clear on the issue of the location of said cramp.  We’re aiming for one ankle roll every fortnight and the Hash Mismanagement Committee would like to thank Kate Bugeja for volunteering for this week’s mishap.

The pack eventually made its way back, being guided in by a combination of the wat which was lit up like, rather inappropriately, a Christmas tree and the colourful lanterns supplied by Phlegm for the Chinese Chung Ch’iu festival.

In the circle the pack welcomed back the Thong Cheese Flasher who had been in Vermont, apparently eating cheese, and we can only assume in a thong.  Patrick was also welcomed back from Burma though the pack had to remove the Junta installed surveillance devices from his person before he could speak freely.

Yet is was also goodbye to the enigmatic Rubbed Raw who is off to continue the Scottish invasion of London where he plans to usurp the ruling classes through the procurement of flashy bike gear and GPS’s.  Tai Ching was also departing, though for Fukuoka in Japan, and the hash bestowed upon her the name Happy Cake as a parting gift due to the entertainments of the night prior.

Pissalot was also suffering from the frivolity of the same evening and was led by her daughter Kiera (3 y.o.) for most of the walk though for some reason we forgot to bring her into the circle; maybe it was the fact it was raining.

On On

P2H3 Run #875 - But soft! What hash through yonder hash hashes?

Date:7/9/08

Hare: Blah Blah

Report: Ikea

Are today’s Hashers soft? Discuss…

Veteran hashman Sid (275 runs) returned to the bosom of his mother Hash this weekend.  By halfway one leg was a mess of gore and blood and pus and mud.  When others (most likely those whom Mr Tinkle would dub ‘NGO-types‘) came at him with words like ‘infection’, ‘tropical ulcer’, ‘jumping Frenchman of Maine disease’ and ‘Doctor’, Sid just gave a wry laugh and washed the wound out with Anchor.

Exhibit B is the virgin Australian who ran until his hotel flip-flops blew out and then completed the trail in bare feet.  Illegitimate he may be, lacking a birth certificate - very probably, but say what you like, the young man has cojones (balls).

Contrast this with the farrago of lies and excuses bleated out by others.  I will let you guess which of Runs Well, Herring Choker, Mr Tinkle and Rubbed Raw made these comments: “I didn’t get much sleep last night, so bit tired…”, “I cycled 200 kms this morning, so wee bit tired…”, “Had a few too many beers last night, bit tired”, “I have an addiction to ice cream and junk food and I put on 8 kilos while overseas, very tired…”.

The cause of all this FRB whining was a fast, all-holds barred (ie, no holds at all) course laid by GM HE Blah Blah (re-erected last week with acclamation) and a blazing (and blatantly racist) run-in by Wanna Cracker.

After arriving in the luxurious comfort now afforded by the two-truck policy (I will say nothing of the luxury vehicles this week; one took me home after dinner) the trail took us out along dirt roads and contained plenty of tricks, notably the one along both sides of a canal which stymied shortcutting bastard and gambler Simon who calculated his odds and lost. Another who loses more often than he wins is the Phlegmish one. As usual he went off towards a distant pagoda of no relevance to the trail.

This territory near Toul Kork has not hosted a hash for some time, though Blitzkrieg recalls setting a run from the same pagoda.  Good weather, good trail.  The walkers trickled in not too far behind the runners.

Circle work:

Newly erected Assistant GM Milky Discharge blows a fine horn. Big ups. But he also introduced and dealt with the virgins in excellent and very amusing style.  Once he learns ‘the GM leprechaun hop’ and the Cossack dance he will be the complete package. Watch this man.

I had predicted a reign of terror from ambitious new RA Flaccido Domingo in the circle but he was restrained.  He seems to have strong moral views regarding nudity, though admittedly a topless Cums Anally in see-through white shorts and Fester’s lack of a shirt last week, were offensive sights and deserved punishment (check Hash Snaps if that kind of thing gets you off). Anniversaroid Sarsy was brought in for his down down.  A man of intrigue and mystery, that Sarsy.  Is he a runner of a walker?  We may never know. Otherwise, the naming of Yogi Bra was the big circle event.  The alternative suggestion of Pontificating Pilates was meritorious but lacked the x factor: a song.

Yogi, Yogi…

ON ON

P2H3 Run #864 – Flaccido Domingo Nears Haring Nirvana!

Run Date: 29/06/2008

Hares: Flaccido Domingo, Piglet (walk)

Run Report: Rubbed Raw

I think it is fair to say that some of Flaccido’s previous haring attempts have been shall we say, less than average, but today was living proof that practise can make perfect.  On a rain threatened Sunday, the Phnom Penh Hash witnessed near Nirvana reaching perfection in haring (on a relative scale of course!)!  P2H3’s Nigerian exile could hardly put a foot wrong this day, despite being rudely let down by his virgin Co-Hare Nora, calling off sick on the Saturday morning, with the dubious excuse of drinking  too excessively the night before with Slovenians (or was that Slovakians?)  She didn’t even turn up to the run, such was her shame!

Now Hash Trash, as regular readers would be aware, feels revulsion at heaping any praise on a week’s haring effort.  This weekend HT was looking forward to a good bout of sarcasm for the often erratic marking of Flaccido based on his past performances.  But as the run started, and continued in an area south of the Tiger Brewery, the disappointment mounted for the HT scribe.  The trail was just too well marked to able to attract the usual HT scorn and criticism!  Bar the odd missing false trail cross (which haring on his own he can be forgiven) and the excessive amount of cows (not something he could have foreseen) it was clear that Flaccido had brought more than one tin of paint, and was not afraid to use it!!

The trail took an interesting route of well worn paths, through pig sty’s, over landfills, across barbed wire fences, and finally over picturesque bridges, it was indeed a pretty and shady run of good length and interest.  The pack this week lacking many of its FRB’s, meant that Horny Cow often led the pack and many a virgin had to step up to the FRB mark.  Blitzkrieg teleported himself around the trail as ever, and even the tracksuit clad Flying Finn picked up a turn of speed on occasion, when the omnipresent herd’s of cows would let him!

At the finish the walk and run nearly arrived in unison, despite virtually all the runners foolishly turning the wrong way on the last check right beside the pagoda, everyone made it back relatively unscarred, and cheering a great run/walk!  The circle was formed, with Rubbed Raw acting GM, and Love Bite acting RA, and everyone else just acting as if they were interested, as the pair babbled their random musings in the centre!  Many virgins were again welcomed, some foreign spies from Sydney and Cambridge, graced us, and even Sarsy bothered to return this week!  The Hare was congratulated for a great run, and the RA had to ’save the sole’ of the aforementioned shoe-stricken Finn (told you he was running fast!).  Notable anniversaroids at 160 runs were Blitzkrieg and someone else (please help Hash Stats!)

The On On On, was also not to disappoint in Flaccido’s sterling haring performance for the day!  Arrangements with Huxley’s ‘Brave New World’ had been made, and over 25 stinky hashers made it to one of the most civilised venues the hash has ever witnessed!  Great food, and good service and Flaccido’s never ending attention to the Hash’s well being made for a great end to the day.  Flaccido was even serenaded “He’s the meanest, He sucks the horses…”, such was the level of ecstasy the Hash crowd had reached, and he even received an encore!  Will the Flaccid one ever reach such dizzy heights again one wonders?!  Ah Nora, all this praise could have been your’s to revel in too…had you bothered to turn up! Those damn Slovakian’s!

HT will now head straight for the nearest WC, so nauseous is he after writing so much praise in one report!  A worthy Outstanding Haring category HT is sickened to award! Future hares take notes!

On On!

P2H3 Run # 861 - Phlegm’s Island Romp

Run date: 15/6/08

Hares: Phlegm & protege (sorry, didn’t get ya name)

Run report: Ikea

What to say about this Hash? Well…let’s say the quality was variable.

The On On at the start? Terrible. Off the boat and lost immediately, then a single-file battle with head-high sword grass. The On-In at the end? A confusing and painful schmozzle. By contrast, the middle section was unspeakable: the marking system was eccentric and the FRBs barely got out of a jog, and when they did they fell into holes or got stung by wasps.

But somehow Hare Phlegm polished what seemed like a turd of a run into a gold nugget. An A to B run on an island is no easy feat. It requires the boat to find both the start and the finish, which it did with no apparent trouble. And in the absence of a Religious Advisor, the Hare took it upon himself to deliver the fairest hashing weather for several months — nice and cool, good cloud cover, no downpour. Sweeeet.

So after the long slow cruise down the Mekong past a number of those floating ‘cough’ restaurants (’cream with a stream?’ ‘ho with the flow?’) and McMansions toppling hilariously into the river, the pack was landed on the island. Have we been here before? Blitzkrieg says we have, so probably we have. Phlegm then explains the trail with an evil grin on his face. ‘No half way’, he smirks, ’sometimes there is No Way At All. Take drinks with you’. Meh heh heh hehhh.

From the start the trail simply plowed through every patch of sharp dense bush that the Hare could find. Here we experienced untouched Cambodia, unspoilt by tourism or any human at all: who else would go here except for snakes and Hashers? We should take machetes next time. The trail was generally a single file plod, which kept the pack close and led to strange happenings - such as Fester leading the way and calling the On Ons. After a while of this we mercifully broke out onto farmland and skirted - very slowly, since the trail darted off at all angles and was frequently invisible - a lake and crawled through banana plantations.

Our numerous American virgins were certainly enjoying themselves, whooping it up like it was spring break at Cancun with every check and hold (’Oh Yeah!, Hollllllding, Yeah BABY!’) (they didn’t get nude though). The calls of ‘On Three’, ‘On Four’ etc, from one of them showed that maybe the pre-hash instructions weren’t all that clear. Back on the trail, our Finnish dude in tracksuit pants also demonstrated how NOT to do a check - just wave your head briefly at one of the possible paths and call ‘checking’, then follow another runner a different way. Hashers, some tips: remember that on a Phlegm run if you can see a mark from a check it will be a false trail every time. Also, towards the end of a run he will get lazy and just give up marking the false trails.

We made it down to the other side of the island. The run along the beach was probably the most pleasant and picturesque part of the trip. All hoped that it would be a simple effort from here to make it back to the beer. All were wrong. The trail left the beach and headed back into the scrub. Really thick scrub this time. About here Hashtrash watched FRB Herring Choker fall down a hole as if he had been shot. A bit further on, rounding a tree, he went down again — stung by wasps. ‘DRITSEK!’ he yelled (Asshole in Norwegian). Hashtrash went the other way round the tree. It turned out later that Wide Angle (welcome back) and some other hashers also fell victim to the wasps.

The final 100 metres saw hashers thrashing about in every direction and toiling like Sisyphus against the unyielding jungle. It was agony knowing the beer was near but being unable to reach it. When Hashtrash made it to the clifftop finish the Hare was already on his second Anchor. Hashers dribbled in with stories of hardship and Little Boy came much later, having toured the villages on the way.

A hasty circle was convened by stand-in GM and RA STD with assistance from stand-in beer girl Ambassador’s Orifice. Virgins took down downs and the run was declared ‘awesome’. Punishments were handed out for wildlife abuse (wasps), technology abuse, fashion crimes (Just Add Beer’s long socks) and ‘being British’ (is this still going on?? sickening).

It was a very late arrival back at the docks and the beer ran out on the way. What’s up with that, Hash Beer?? Of the hi-jinks at the ON ON ON I have no idea but it was allegedly in the vicinity of the riverfront.

ON ON

EDIT: I should have said: a very memorable and strangely enjoyable run. Well hared. Still think you should have been iced though…

‘Dr Fester, I presume…”

P2H3 Run #858 - Leaking Duck’s (T)horny Bush Bash

Run Date: 25/05/2008

Hares: Leaking Duck, Flying Plod (walk)

Run Report: Rubbed Raw

You know when the Hash has had too much of a good thing, when there was a general grumble heard in the pack when it was announced that a Leaking Duck Hared hash would not end up at his house, and in the swimming pool! For once HE Leaking Duck decided he would quite like a Sunday night alone in his own pool and so took the Hash away from his house just south of Tak Mao to the riverside.

A territory familiar to any who cycle regularly in the Phnom Penh viscinity, this is a pretty spot, and the still swollen numbers (we are clearly doing something wrong - more smut required!) of the pack started off over a rickety wooden bridge. The riverside trail, had those familiar with the area thinking this was to be a bridge to bridge run. But no, the Leaking one had other ideas, this was in fact to be a Bush Bash into the barren wilderness of the Cambodian hinterland.

Soon after the start, a rampant horned cow faced up to the pack, and tried to take prisoners by lassoing with its tether rope. Naomi had rope burns as evidence (more of that later), and numerous others narrowly missed a goring by this Pamplona wannabee! The trail continued on an incredibly well marked trail. So worried was the hare about losing people he kindly marked the trail every 50m or so. The Hash Horn was quite out of puff  by the end having to perform at each and every mark!

The trail really descended into the wild and unforgiving bush soon after the Half way point (where the rickety bridge crossing, mini hash truck was again brought into action). Shoulder high bush and thorns kept the pack wondering how did the hare ever find his way out of this! Good marking kept the shorter members of the hash from becoming lost forever in the deep vegetation, however there could still be some Hashers fighting their way out now!

Everyone now safely (despite the multiple thorn cuts sustained) back crossed over the same rickety bridge to the truck, there was the rare experience of daylight still remaining at the end! Impromptu volleyball games on the banks of the river threatened to delay the circle, but GM Blah Blah pulled them into order after much gesticulation (as is ever the case with Blah Blah!). The circle welcomed a reasonable number of virgins, and some notable returnees such as Sir Wankalot (great name) back into the fold. Temporary RA, Rubbed Raw, cleansed the sins of many a wayward hashers for their outrageous sins, none however as big as Tokyo Joe, sporting the whitest new shoes imaginable. He took the punishment, dealt out by his good self to many a hasher under his prior RA realm before, with honour (apart from the plastic bag concealed in an effort to preserve the glue in his new shoes!). He downed a whole tins worth of Anchor to the cheers of the crowd, and complete disbelief of the locals, from his shiny white shoe.

Onto the serious business of naming, with two prime candidates being Josh and Naomi, now completing over 10 runs, and hared in prior weeks, begged to become part of the named fraternity. Unlike prior weeks, of lame naming, the Hash this week did not dissappoint! Naomi’s earlier reported encounter with the cow, honered her with the dubious title of being a ‘Horny Cow‘ and Josh, who had uttered to Blah Blah at the outstation hash in Can Tho that he wanted man breasts, will be known forever more as Milky Discharge despite his protests!

The ON ON ON was at the place opposite Steve’s Steakhouse, where the beer rockets flew and the heavens finally opened, too late though to claim any truck riding hasher though.

On On!

P2H3 Run #849 - The Jelly Shot Hash

   

 Run Date: 06/04/2006

Hares: Blah Blah, Love Bite

Run Report: Love Bite

 The #849th run of the P2H3 was south of the city a mere 10km to Preak Thmei, close to the spot of Chinese New Year hash, a clear favorite of Blah Blah. Hares were Blah Blah and Love Bite (on her maiden hare) who mercifully set a shortish 7km course, taking pity on those brave swimmers & kayakers who crossed the Mekong for the annual Mekong River Swim that morning (incidentally, an event crazy enough to be started by P2H3 10 years ago).

The departure was overseen by a gaggle of nuns, with FRB’s Ikea, Nora Petty, Rubbed Raw & Runs Well leading us down the many sneakily- marked false trails. The pack wound back and forth, crossing and recrossing the same path which the walkers took on the straight and narrow through the woods, then bashed through the shiggy* and the flower fields. Clearly, there were opportunities for blatant shortcutting by Blitzkrieg & Flip Flop along with virgins Makenzi Travis & Marleen Schiereck. At the Halfway was a downdown of tequila jello shooters homemade by Love Bite in full Martha Stewart Mode. The rain started pouring, and the rest of the run was blissfully cool and a bit tipsy as the tequila did its job.

An Erection took place in the circle, with Blah Blah being erected as the new Grand Master to fill the spot of Black Out’s lamented departure. The Religious Advisor position to fill Blah Blah place is now up for the taking, a heated race which will surely bring controversy and perhaps a few impassioned emails from Tokyo Joe on the subject. Virgins were were rampant, and Julia Fesenberg, Makenzi Travis, Douglas Gillison, Jacklyn Fernandez, Marleen Schiereck, Minh Trinh, Paul Reynaldo, & Scott Bales were indoctrinated into hash rituals with a down down, many of whom were repeatedly punished for drinking with the right hand. Hash Choirmaster Leaking Duck led the chants swinging the hash, um, “linga baton”, which was ceremonially placed in the circle afterwards and offered a potty of beer to appease the gods.

The end of the circle got a little hazy, but hash snaps reveal that the On On BBQ at Blah Blah and Yap Yap’s house in honor of Blackout and Insider’s lamented departure to Jakarta featured the superb Dan’s Meats sausages and buckets of green stuff for the veggies in the group. Bronco Buster regaled all with tales from the Perth Interhash (in her stylish, distinctly un-hashlike garden dress) and flourished a magic top hat retrieved in Perth that was stolen from P2H3 years ago by a rival hash. The meaning of the hat, like much that evening, remains a bit fuzzy. BB, any insight? Tokyo Joe started a music-less tango which ended when the beer was spilled (shame shame) and we all rolled home and collapsed into a food coma. On on to hash run #850…

P2H3 - Run #844 Leaking Duck pulls it off! Hash + Piss-up + Brewery!!

Click to enlarge trail map image

Run Date: 02/03/2008 RUN STATS

Hares: Blackout, Blah Blah, Leaking Duck (Honorary Hare)

Run Report: Ikea

Our sacred hash founder, Gispert, in his cups, once foretold seven levels of hashing enlightenment through which all hashes must pass on the way to the hash Nibbanah and, eventually, freedom from all earthly concerns, Angkor beer , etc etc etc, something about the Japanese coming, look out, etc etc. He really went on that guy and most of his trite homilies have rightly been forgotten.

However, he did indicate that organising a piss-up in a brewery, surrounded by doe-eyed virgins, was very near the apex of the hash experience. ‘Every river has its source’, he says, ‘as the Mekong bubbles forth from the icy heights of Tibet, so does the river of beer. Follow the beer river, find its source, and drink from it’.

It took a few years of failed expeditions and a wrong turn up the poisonous Angkor tributary. Bu today the Phnom Penh Hash achieved Gispert’s mission, sinking a very great number of free beers at the Tiger Brewery (Tiger is quite clearly the finest beer in the Asia-Pacific region). Credit must go first to Tiger Beer, then to Leaking Duck who now enters the annals of hashing folklore by pulling it off in fine style.

Hashers were given two choices for this day of days: 1) tour the brewery, drink beer, 2) run or walk, drink beer. Those who took option 1 were treated to an informative afternoon learning the mysteries of how hops, malt, water, sugar, oxygen all come together to form Anchor and Tiger, the drinks of hashers!

The run set by hares Blackout and Blah Blah was notable for its deviousness. Anticipating that runners would be hearing the siren song of the brewery calling them in, the trail defied expectation at every turn. Short cutting was inevitable and Flaccido Domingo, Runs Well, Wanna Cracker all succumbed disgracefully.

The brewery shenanigans lasted a number of hours. Yard glass were brought out for the sinners. And it is there my memory fails me badly (although I recall an interesting moment with Fester holding court at a table of hash beauties) as the Tiger beer was so fresh and abundant. Please refer to Yap Yap’s photos for more information (see link on right) on what went on. But I think it might be a bit like Woodstock, if you can remember what happened, you weren’t there…

P2H3 - Run #843, Please Refrain from Smoking Hash!

Click to enlarge map

Date: 24/02/2008  RUN STATS

Hares: Phlegm, Chick Pea, Botticelli, Piglet 

Phlegm stood up again as Hare extraordinaire, and hared his billionth run with the help of the faithful Chick Pea, to set a classic A->B trail alongside the picturesque banks of the Mekong. With ultra caution taken over the first bridge (probably wise in Cambodia), the hash started, for those on the truck, with a gentle stroll to the start. But the run was soon underway headed by a visiting Aussie triathlete Virgin, Paul, fitting into the FRB role with aplomb, alongside the usual suspects of Dog on Heat, Ikea, Herring Choker and newbie Harriette Nora, challenging the boys!

With the hash hounds straining for hare blood, the pack ran, without pause, through most of the checks, convinced that an A to B trail had to go straight on. The FRBs were not disappointed, with only the belligerent Blah Blah (the fool) doing the decent thing and checking left or right to confirm what everyone else knew! The large pack tried to keep up with the fast pace over the eroding Mekong banks, under mango filled trees, avoiding rabid cows and mad dogs (or is that the other way round!?) as they strained their way along the various shortcuts laid on by the thoughtful hare. A vicious pack of children, armed with smiles and big eyes tried to slow the pack, but to no avail, they could smell the finish, with only the weaker sex (namely Jordyan and Yap Yap) cajoled into stopping for an impromptu photo shoot.

The runners now waiting for the walkers to arrive (headed by the Mango acquiring Botticelli), were entertained by a half rotten python, a red setting sun, and admiring a very sa’at concrete temple. Hashers are easily amused. With the skies now darkened, hashers formed the circle, and the punishments were dealt out. The Choir Master required Flacido’s baton to replace his forgotten member (oops wrong way round again!) In a gallant attempt to improve the health of P2H3 hashers, steps already taken such as removing the toxic Angkor Beer from the P2H3 diet, were clearly not enough for R.A. Blah Blah, MD. Next to go on his vice list was smoking! Multiple puffers were punished including Dangermouse and Stool Boy, and one particularly nonchalant virgin, who lit up in the circle at that moment just to claim the last double potty of smoking shame. Anniversaroides were forgotten in the fading light, due to statistical problems, and thirst!

The 4-wheel-driving bourgeois elite (see Bokor Hash Trash), had to eat cake, and join the peasants on the overloaded truck (now dry of beer for the 2nd week in a row!) as it rumbled back to point A and their climate-altering steeds. “Where’s the aircon switch on this vehicle”, one elite cried in vain! Oh the indignity of it all!

Back in PP, now very late, the generous Gasolina Bar (attended by Magic Mushroom), laid on a plethora of free beer jugs which were appreciated by all, and especially the visiting Aussie slaughtermen/sheep shearers, as Snake Charmer practised her art!

At least it was finally confirmed that this weeks run was indeed number 841! Hash Trash can sleep soundly once more! (Later: I speak too soon, no this run is in fact now #843, confused? not as much as the Hash Trash!)

ON ON!!

P2H3 - Run #842, Virgin Territory!

Date: 17/02/2008  RUN STATS

Hares: Mr Tinkle, Pisey 

Report: Ikea

A-ha! Would you believe? Its the olllld ‘take them out to Phnom Basat, the only mountain within spitting distance of PP, and then make them run everywhere except up the mountain’ ruse.

Shopper, urinator and Phnom Basat master-hare HE Mr Tinkle took a full truck of hashers out to his favourite patch for this run (which we are again calling #839 for reasons already obscure - all change, it is in fact #842 (HT!!)).

A small group of usual suspect hashers arrived at the railway station on time. Numbers were soon swollen by several KAOS agents and foreign spys, returnees and those just not seen for a while (including Checkaround, Horra MooVee, Squint Westward, Shaking Spears and Just Add Beer) and a smattering of exotic virgins eager for the tender discipline that only the firm hand of the PP Hash can provide (French, Spaniards, Portugese, and a big fella carrying twenty kilos in his backpack — Rambo).

After a late departure and a long trip, the Hash arrived at the quarry at the base of Phnom Basat. Most hashers anticipated a bit of hill climbing. However, the on-on led south-west away from the hills and Fester showed some early toe to lead the pack out and on our way. The route was initially along red dirt tracks, then west across paddy, and then it flirted with one of the hills before turning south west again and heading off into uncharted, un-hashed territory.

The pace was fairly sharp at the front. The trail disappeared a few times and a number of barbed wire fences had to be negotiated. I’m not sure how Rambo managed to squeeze under the wires carrying fifty kilos on his back and fifty kilos worth of pecs on his front but he managed it and staggered into the first and only hash hold not too far behind the pack — a good effort. Wide Angle also hashed along with the runners until coming undone on the ankle-breaking rice levees (alright, bunds), which also claimed other victims

Meanwhile, the walkers were being led with elan by Pisey. They arrived at the half way drink stop (about 6 kms in, beside a village square) just too late to see the entertaining collision (also described by one onlooker, wishfully, as a jello wrestle) between two newer, unnamed female hashers.

From the halfway point, hashers continued to head south, further and further into virgin hashing territory (as confirmed by hash archivist Phlegm). One hasher found and carried with them the translucent skin of snake almost 3 metres in length. The suggestion that this was actually a condom discarded by Flaccido Domingo was found to be baseless.

Finally, the truck was seen again after 10.7 kms of running. The whole village turned out to witness the circle and provide muscial accompaniment. Flip flop pointed out that two of the virgins had been wearing his namesake footwear; he joined them for down-downs and should have known better. Tinkle was pinned again for urinating, which is a bit like punishing a dog for barking.

It was a long and very dark ride back to town. Things were made intolerable by the beer running dry on the truck. Finally, in a vain and transparent attempt to outdo the Chinese Lion thing and the Guy With the Fat Red Face (see last week’s report), Tinkle coordinated a fireworks display to light up the night sky around Phnom Basat.

ON ON !!

P2H3 - Run #841, Valentine/Gispert Memorial

Click to enlarge map

Date: 10/02/2008  RUN STATS

Hare: Blah Blah, Bronco Buster (walk) 

Run Report: Ikea

Gispert would have been in raptures over this hash effort. Perhaps it lacked enough fart jokes and could have been a little more smutty, but nevertheless it got much else right and made a truck load of Valentine’s Day hashers all hot and sweaty and sticky.

Hare Blah Blah set a clearly marked little trail along the banks of the Bassac. There was very few ‘are you?’s and almost no ‘where the fuck am I’s?’ which make hashing so much fun, especially for FRB’s (Checkaround, take note). Many dastardly onbacks had Wanna Cracker, Dog on Heat and others constantly sprinting back and the pack managed to stay together exceedingly well.

Hashtrash feels nauseous from all this praise so let us also point out the large clump of biting red ants which should have been dealt with, but instead made life miserable for Flaccido, Herring Choker and one of our Virgins.

Back to praise: plenty of shade, a picturesque locale, and a well timed drinkstop at halfway where the walkers met the runners and all rubbed up against each other in the pre-Valentine’s day glow. Dangermouse was so excited by the general aura of healthiness that she set out on the run leg (ending metres later).

The circle took place in a comfortable natural amphitheatre (a pile of roadbuilding stones) and went for a very great length of time as down downs were handed out for all manner of infringements. The plentiful Asahi and Beer Lao made it far too difficult for me to remember the various charges.

Further distraction came from a Chinese Lion which sported around the circle accompanied by drums and a man with a fat red face (not a hasher, who was that bloke?). The hash contributed to the cultural exchange by offering the hungry lion a beer and a wooden penis. The later sight of Blah Blah in the front of the dragon costume along with Leaking Duck coming up the rear and brandishing his very hard baton, was one that few who saw it will ever forget.

ON ON