P2H3 Run #879 - Short, Hot and Dry

 

Date:  5/10/08

Hares:  Squint Westward and Check Around (walking)

Run Report:  Horny Cow

*Three words that should never be associated with the hash.  Thanks to Horny Cow for a fantastic report, anyone else wishing to join the stable of writers is more than welcome.  You know you want to.  - Hash Trash (Yogi Bra)

A small gathering of hashers showed up at the train station today, with many regulars likely scared away by the mid-afternoon showers or by a bout of post-Pchum Ben laziness. The meager showing piled into the two trucks as they headed towards Takmao, led by walking hare Check Around, and running hare Squint Westward.

After a brief welcoming circle where the hares unenthusiastically explained hash rules for the virgins, the runners were off to find the trail. Runners made their way through the neighborhood, but were frequently stopped by the remarkably generous allotment of holds scattered throughout the trail.  Some concluded that this was a tricky ploy employed by the over-the-hill hares to allow them to run at an unhurried pace.  The runners unexpectedly reached the halfway point after a quick first half, and after a short refueling, were off again, only to meet the walkers still leisurely strolling to the halfway. 

The second half was relatively uneventful, except for an unusual running phenomenon involving FRBs Wannacracker and our resident Olympiad, Hem Bunting. Like a couple of young schoolgirls, they used a t-shirt to tie their arms together so they would not be separated. Flaccido attempted to join the twosome in their merrymaking, but was quickly cast aside, unable to keep up with their lighting pace.  All in all, the trail was well marked and relatively cow-free. The scenic 7 km run was enjoyed by all, including a local stowaway who joined in both the running and in the circle festivities.   

On reaching the end, the runners were sadly disappointed by the noticeable absence of beer.   After 20 minutes of anxious waiting, GM Blah Blah abandoned the flock to wander the neighborhood in search of an alternative source of beer.  The masses, now, without their fearless leader, were like sheep without a shepherd.  In the meantime, the truck holding the precious beer was perched precariously on the edge of a small bridge, threatening to unload its cargo into the rushing river below. Thankfully, the beer (and the walkers in the truck) safely passed over the threatening waters and arrived at the end.

After the masses were supplied with beer, GM Blah Blah convened the circle and invited the two hares into the circle. Three virgins (plus a fourth who disappeared into the mango orchards of Takmao) were initiated.  RA Flaccido Domingo then punished the sinners.  FRBs Ikea, Runs Well and others were punished for shortcutting, while Sophina was called in for scouting the neighborhood for a pet puppy. Catherine thought the bloody scars from her tumble would soften Flaccido’s wrath, but she thought wrong.  Much fashion abuse on this hash:  Horny Cow, Su Ming, Sophina, Yogi Bra and others regulars for lacking proper hash attire, Dusty for a garish tie-dye shirt that looked like a bad acid trip as conceived by Jackson Pollack, and a virgin for bravely donning a Dolly Parton T-shirt. Returnee Pearl Necklace was joined by Horny Cow, celebrating 20 runs, and all French hashers, for a dazzling rendition of Ou Est La Papier. Mr. Tinkle and Tinkle Spinner celebrated their recent engagement with a linked arm toast of beer-in-a-spanking-new-shoe. While Mr. Tinkle quickly finished off his beer, most of Tinkle Spinner’s beer ended up in Mr. Tinkle’s face and hair.

The circle closed and the hashers headed to Sam Doo for the on on on.  Next week’s run will be hared by Flaccido. 

On On!

P2H3 Run #878 Pchum Ben Holiday Madness

Date:  28/9/2008

Hares:  Flaccido Domingo, Laverne (walking)

Run Report:  Flaccido Domingo

 A handful of patriotic hashers who deemed it necessary to remain in town despite the long awaited Pchum Ben holiday gathered at the train station at 2:45. Herring Choker was on hand for the hash stats as the faithful runners waited for veteran hare Flaccido Domingo to lead them to the run. They did not have to wait long for Flaccido, as he arrived on time to lead the way. As soon as he arrived, the faithful boarded the truck and headed toward the East. After traveling for about thirty minutes and crossing the toll gate, they made a right turn to Wat Anchea. The circle was convened by Mr. Tinkle who was the acting GM. The circle welcomed one virgin (Khmer) and two foreign spies from Bangkok and Cebu hash respectively. It was raining.

The run started at about 3:45 with the runners led by Flaccido and the walkers by Laverne. At the same time, something remarkable was about to happen. As an environmentally friendly hash, one of the prolific local snail runners (Kchol) had decided to run with us unnoticed from the start. The run progressed smoothly to the halfway point where the beer truck was already waiting. As the hashers were about to leave the halfway point, the snail arrived to the amazement of all the hashers. The snail wanted a snap with all the hashers but unfortunately hash snap was not available. The second half also progressed smoothly until a point where the runners have to cross a canal which was waist deep. Wannacracker and Runs Well were afraid to cross the canal until the foreign spy from Bangkok went in and waded through easily.

The runners and the walkers arrived at the start simultaneously and circle was called after about fifteen minutes of hash talks. Acting GM Mr. Tinkle brought the hare to the circle followed by the virgin and the foreign spies. The RA took over the circle from the GM and meted a few punishments on sinners. The circle closed and the bar was opened as hashers headed back to Phnom Penh. The on on on was at Huxley’s. As usual, it was great, as the hashers were able to watch the Singapore F1 live on a wide screen as they eat their meal. As Monday was still a holiday, some of the hashers planned to meet at Sharky bar an hour later for dessert. On on to next Sunday’s run which will be brought to you by Check Around. 

On on!

P2H3 Run #877 - CLASSIC PHLEGM STRIKES AGAIN

Date:  21/9/2008

Hares:  Phlegm, Chickpea (walking), Lois (walking)

Run Report:  Mr. Tinkle

 

“Beauty for some provides escape,

Who gain a happiness in eyeing

The gorgeous buttocks of the ape

Or Autumn sunsets exquisitely dying.” - A Huxley

 

An astonishing number of regulars turned out for this week’s scamper over the Cambodian countryside, despite many having soldiered on through the early hours of Sunday morning in order to see off, with all due revelry, His Excellency Rubbed Raw.  At the station, stories of the previous nights excesses are exchanged, hangovers compared, sunglasses donned, and even our super-hero G.M. Blah Blah admits to feeling a little rough around the edges!

 

Prolific hare and veteran hasher Phlegm is guide and leader for the afternoon, and under his instruction, our courageous hashers are soon heading south out of town, through Takmao and on to highway 2, picking up several others along the way.  4pm and here’s our start point - a village just off the main highway. A circle is hastily convened and a few preliminaries gone over for the benefit of the hitherto unsoiled.

 

With the formalities dealt with, our runners make a break for the paddy behind the village.  Less than a minute on the clock and already confusion reigns as the trail refuses to give itself up to the eager pack; the hare intervenes and points to a gap in the bushes, but for some over-excited hounds the wait proves too much - heroically, they dive through the foliage and into the knee deep paddy beyond, destroying all in their path. Could it really be possible that the trail will double back on itself so soon and take us back over the road on which we just arrived?  Yes, yes, of course it could!

 

So, back through the village they trot, and out over the paddy on the opposite side.  The pack now begins to spread and Blitzkrieg and Hit On Me take their chances with a bit of crafty short-cutting.   The briefest of holds by a couple of quarry pits and it’s off again to follow a series of well trodden tracks to the next village.  The trail is well marked but there’s little in the way of checks and again the pack thins.  At the next hold, some of the unblooded can be heard asking if the halfway point has yet been reached - halfway to the halfway, maybe!  One long straight path now takes our tiring runners to the rendezvous with the truck, where copious quantities of Royal D are quaffed.

 

Thus reinforced, the hounds cast about for the scent once again, most supposing that the trail will continue through the village before breaking left to the fields behind.  The hare follows - the supposition confirmed.  But now what’s this?  The trail can’t be found!  Up and down the embankment scurries our hare, darting in and out of gardens, under houses, over a volley-ball court.  Minutes pass. Eventually he overcomes his amnesia and leads the way to a shaded dike, and plenty of chances for a little tumble and splash.  Comes Anally does a spectacular piece of water ballet for the crowd, lest the hash be accused of being too crude and failing to contribute to the arts in Cambodia.

 

At the next and final hold, hashers are presented with a choice: take the high road, thus gaining the respect and admiration of their peers; or opt for the shorter low road and live their lives in eternal shame.  Without a moment’s hesitation, a small gang of backsliders, led by Flaccido Domingo, sprint down the bank and head for home.  The gallant majority, however, lured by the promise of spectacular scenery, exquisite sunsets and apes’ buttocks take off along the causeway for the ultimate leg.  A good mile and a falsey or two down, and here’s the left turn the head hounds have been looking for.  Now comes a lot of water, and pestilential insects attack Flying Plod, Tinkle, and Milky Discharge; Scout Master takes a slip into the drink.  Three more fields and another check, then one by one the strewn runners take up the main road which will lead them to the finish and an eskie full of shiny silver treasure.

 

Dusk had fallen by the time the final runners made it home.  Most were dead beat but with help from the beloved Anchor regained enough strength to enjoy the circle.  Virgins were initiated, spies interrogated, songs sung, down-downs downed.  Amongst the flogged:  Phlegm for forgetting where he placed his own trail, Milky, Plod and Tinkle for insect abuse, and a special guest star, like an episode of fantasy island, Hem Bunting, virgin hasher, fresh from Beijing, for racism and wearing ridiculous spandex pants.       

 

The on on on was held at Gasolina, where those who made the effort were rewarded with fine French cuisine and a few more tins of the good stuff.

 

On on.

P2H3 Run #876 - The Rubbed Out Run

Date: 14/09/08

Hare: Rubbed Raw, Yogi Bra, Botticelli (walk), Chick Pea (walk)

Hashtrash — Due to a happy clerical error we got two reports this week. Neither is likely to be a correct record of events.

1. Phlegm:

2h30pm. Sunscreen, sunglasses, H hat: ready to go to the H.

2h45pm: registration at the railway station with a nice sun. Leaking Duck, the new H cash, is not lucky. Only 45 hashers today… Some hashers have bad excuses: Ikea: flu or dengue; Tokyo Joe: boat trip; J Love Bite: wine tasting; Mr Tinckle: English Premier league football… Others have a better excuse as Yap Yap: shopping in Tokyo with Blah Blah’s credit card; STD: fishing in the Phillipines…

3h05pm: our GM Blah Blah explains the direction but he is not the hare today. Yogi Bra and Rubbed Raw Yogi said “The River close to the Killing Fields”. Surprisingly, Yogi Bra is not able to explain the way to the drivers. Thus, we are following the GM’s car. set the trail the day before and

3h06pm: the trucks are moving to Mao Tse Tung boulevard. And the rain starts. A big rain. And moreover the wind is there. After 5 minutes we are freezing. Virgin runners Nadia Astari from Indonesia is sitting at a corner of the truck and takes some photos. She is smiling. Nora “Thong Cheese Flasher”, back from her holiday in Vermont tells us about her long journey spent waiting in airports. Fascinating! The rain is stronger. Gosh, we are freezing… Horny Cow cannot resist and snuggles up to Milky Discharge. Sex on the H! After 5 more minutes, she sits on the beer bucket close to Spillage and clings on to the abdomen of her love (the other guy!). What a hot scene! How will they finish? Kate Bugeja is horrified. She is the only one with a raincoat and puts her hood on her eyes…

But even with a so hot sexual scene in the truck, we are still freezing. Yogi Bra does not remember the way. Rubbed Raw is waiting at the Intercontinental hotel (what a snob !). Consequently all the traffic is blocked at the crossroads. But even with his poncho, he refuses to join the pack on the truck and goes on the luxurious GM’s car.  Snobbish hasher!

Our truck turns left to the Killing Fields memorial. Yogi Kate has no idea where the start is and Under the Table proposes to join that pagoda… On back! On the road again… And we reach the cars.

Finally, we arrive at the river but we have to continue 3 more Km on a muddy road. 4h05pm: we took one hour to reach the start. Rubbed Raw is three times faster with his bicycle but sometimes collides with the motorbikes. It was the case a few hours before the H when he came back from Kirirom. Yes, he is crazy.

The hares explain that the trails are long: 7km for the walkers with Botticelli and Chick Pea as walking hares. 15km for the runners! Let’s go, it is a good training for the next half Marathon in Angkor. We have fast runners today: Herring Chocker is back, Dinus De Vries from Holland, the returnee Patrick, Runswell and Wanna Cracker of course, Horny Cow and Thong Cheese Flasher, Blah Blah and Milky Discharge and last but not least, an Olympic Cambodian runner with his own official uniform (Dara).Flaccido Domingo is a little bit tired today. Too many beers or too many girls?

9km after the start, we find the Half way close to another pagoda south. Cramps are coming. Runners are stretching.

Second part is on a lovely way. A dike with rice fields on the right side and the river on the left. Typical Khmer houses along the way and many Cambodian supporters. The finish is magnificent: the roof of the pagoda is illuminated and twinkles in the night. Better than the Royal Palace! Yes, it is cloudy and past 6pm but what a fantastic scene.

The down downs are magic. With Flying Plod as a Choir Master, our new virgin hasher Keira carries a Chinese lantern and other “kids” do the same: Milky Discharge, Under The Table, Piglet, Thida, Laverne… Due to the magic mushroom party organized the day before, Tai Ching receives her H name after 15 runs: Happy Cake. Good luck in Japan and come back to Cambodia! Another leaver receives down downs for all the sins he commits this afternoon: Rubbed Raw. After 59 runs and 6 hares, P2H3 thanks you. Don’t forget you will have a free run when you will be back in Phnom Penh.

On On Baby!

2: Blah Blah

And the hare did leap forth into the four wheel drive and claim with great excitement, “it raineth bloody hard, however I do feel bad about joining bourgeois elite whilst others suffer so on yonder truck.  How does one work this CD player?  Can you possibly turn up the aircon a little?”  [Hops 13:04]

It was a very dark and foreboding sky that greeted the forty or so hardened souls at the train station.  Rubbed Raw had promised a long and hard run and Yogi’s Bra’s slightly dazed look suggested that the trail had indeed tested their endurance.  Rubbed Raw, however, was not able to make it to the station and instead elected to be picked up by a swish, all comfort, four wheel drive outside of the Intercontinental Hotel.  Oh how the standards slip (or rise as the case may be).

Despite a torrential downpour on the way to the run site past the Killing Fields, the hash itself was held in a gentle sprinkling of rain.  The hares informed the pack that the run would be around 14 to 15km with a few short cuts thrown in.   Needless to say there was an unseemly rush to the walkers’ camp after this announcement had sunk in.  It also resulted in a fear of checking with Wannacracker, GM Blah Blah, Patrick (back from Burma) and Dara left to find the path for the pack over the ensuing km’s.

The was some form shown by Leaking Duck who seemed to revel in the longer distance (though was guilty of taking one short cut) and a complete lack of form from Phlegm who joined the walkers for the second leg.  Boticelli was also enjoying out-walking the walkers and declared at the end of the trail that the rest of the walkers were some way behind her, somewhere, wherever, it doesn’t matter.  There may be a general declaration that from hence forth Boticelli will have to join the run.  Piglet also showed some running capacity coming in at the front of the walkers with Phlegm at a gentle jog.  Horny Cow was one of the few hashers to complete the full circuit along with Milky Discharge, though he was forced to forfeit his horn for the second half in order to regain some breathe.  Runs Well broke down late in the second half claiming cramp, though he wasn’t entirely clear on the issue of the location of said cramp.  We’re aiming for one ankle roll every fortnight and the Hash Mismanagement Committee would like to thank Kate Bugeja for volunteering for this week’s mishap.

The pack eventually made its way back, being guided in by a combination of the wat which was lit up like, rather inappropriately, a Christmas tree and the colourful lanterns supplied by Phlegm for the Chinese Chung Ch’iu festival.

In the circle the pack welcomed back the Thong Cheese Flasher who had been in Vermont, apparently eating cheese, and we can only assume in a thong.  Patrick was also welcomed back from Burma though the pack had to remove the Junta installed surveillance devices from his person before he could speak freely.

Yet is was also goodbye to the enigmatic Rubbed Raw who is off to continue the Scottish invasion of London where he plans to usurp the ruling classes through the procurement of flashy bike gear and GPS’s.  Tai Ching was also departing, though for Fukuoka in Japan, and the hash bestowed upon her the name Happy Cake as a parting gift due to the entertainments of the night prior.

Pissalot was also suffering from the frivolity of the same evening and was led by her daughter Kiera (3 y.o.) for most of the walk though for some reason we forgot to bring her into the circle; maybe it was the fact it was raining.

On On

P2H3 Run #875 - But soft! What hash through yonder hash hashes?

Date:7/9/08

Hare: Blah Blah

Report: Ikea

Are today’s Hashers soft? Discuss…

Veteran hashman Sid (275 runs) returned to the bosom of his mother Hash this weekend.  By halfway one leg was a mess of gore and blood and pus and mud.  When others (most likely those whom Mr Tinkle would dub ‘NGO-types‘) came at him with words like ‘infection’, ‘tropical ulcer’, ‘jumping Frenchman of Maine disease’ and ‘Doctor’, Sid just gave a wry laugh and washed the wound out with Anchor.

Exhibit B is the virgin Australian who ran until his hotel flip-flops blew out and then completed the trail in bare feet.  Illegitimate he may be, lacking a birth certificate - very probably, but say what you like, the young man has cojones (balls).

Contrast this with the farrago of lies and excuses bleated out by others.  I will let you guess which of Runs Well, Herring Choker, Mr Tinkle and Rubbed Raw made these comments: “I didn’t get much sleep last night, so bit tired…”, “I cycled 200 kms this morning, so wee bit tired…”, “Had a few too many beers last night, bit tired”, “I have an addiction to ice cream and junk food and I put on 8 kilos while overseas, very tired…”.

The cause of all this FRB whining was a fast, all-holds barred (ie, no holds at all) course laid by GM HE Blah Blah (re-erected last week with acclamation) and a blazing (and blatantly racist) run-in by Wanna Cracker.

After arriving in the luxurious comfort now afforded by the two-truck policy (I will say nothing of the luxury vehicles this week; one took me home after dinner) the trail took us out along dirt roads and contained plenty of tricks, notably the one along both sides of a canal which stymied shortcutting bastard and gambler Simon who calculated his odds and lost. Another who loses more often than he wins is the Phlegmish one. As usual he went off towards a distant pagoda of no relevance to the trail.

This territory near Toul Kork has not hosted a hash for some time, though Blitzkrieg recalls setting a run from the same pagoda.  Good weather, good trail.  The walkers trickled in not too far behind the runners.

Circle work:

Newly erected Assistant GM Milky Discharge blows a fine horn. Big ups. But he also introduced and dealt with the virgins in excellent and very amusing style.  Once he learns ‘the GM leprechaun hop’ and the Cossack dance he will be the complete package. Watch this man.

I had predicted a reign of terror from ambitious new RA Flaccido Domingo in the circle but he was restrained.  He seems to have strong moral views regarding nudity, though admittedly a topless Cums Anally in see-through white shorts and Fester’s lack of a shirt last week, were offensive sights and deserved punishment (check Hash Snaps if that kind of thing gets you off). Anniversaroid Sarsy was brought in for his down down.  A man of intrigue and mystery, that Sarsy.  Is he a runner of a walker?  We may never know. Otherwise, the naming of Yogi Bra was the big circle event.  The alternative suggestion of Pontificating Pilates was meritorious but lacked the x factor: a song.

Yogi, Yogi…

ON ON

P2H3 Run #874 - Erection Week, Up Sh*t Creek with no Paddle!

Run Date: 31/8/2008

Hares: Leaking Duck, Phlegm, Chickpea (walking)

Run Report: Kate

The Poseidon adventure continues for the hash as they endure another soaking.  On the bright side, hashers’ free-style and backstrokes have improved considerably.

Summer break is over and the virgins have drifted back to their native shores, only to be replaced by a boatload of foreign spies, including an entire family of hashers.  “I was born on the hash!” exclaimed the son.  Good lord.

After a brief stop at the Leaking Duck mansion, the runners and walkers were segregated and the runners dumped at a pagoda 8km south.  Hashers predicted an easy run due to the erections and gala slated for later that evening, but the hares had other plans.  True to character, Phlegm (on his 150th Hare) set a lengthy A to B run in the verdant, drenched countryside, through rice paddies and into the forest.  True to his hash name, Leaking Duck sent us through crotch-skimming water (see hash snaps for frightening evidence of Flying Plod and Phlegm trying to keep their, um, shorts dry).  Perhaps hash haberdashery could whip us up some rubber hip-waders.  Rubbed Raw, in possession of the golden horn, played a mournful sea shanty as the pack slogged, single file, grumbling about leaches and water snakes.  “This is just like the Vietnam war!” exclaimed a young hasher.  Yes, that’s exactly what it was like, as STD mounted a submarine attack from the grimy depths.

Just when the pack emerged onto dry land, thanking heaven for deliverance from all things wet, black clouds began to roll in across the sky.  True to character, the rainy season did its thing and we were soon running under pounding rain.  Over the din of the storm you could hear hashers exclaiming things like, ‘hey, it’s wet!‘ and, ‘I didn’t know it would rain?!‘  Were it not called the rainy season, one might sympathize with these soggy whingers.

Many of the roads turned instantly into muddy rivers, causing much slipping, sliding and whining, though hashers are now sporting curiously fresh, glowing skin from all the mud (people in L.A. pay big money for the stuff).  One foreign spy got trapped in the mud, requiring a deep-sea rescue, Blah Blah twisted his ankle, and it turns out Blitzkrieg’s teleporter can transform into a hydroplane and he was seen cruising by in a Panama hat, puffing a Cuban cigar.

The pack eventually found the pagoda where the truck was moored, and it was a smooth sailing back, marred only by a condom-clad, hitch-hiking Tokyo Joe and his unfortunate companion (in a fetching French condom).  Once the truck anchored at the port, hashers stampeded off, over Leaking Duck’s cries to hose off before diving into his pool.

Water-logged hashers gathered around the grill for warmth, while a few brave souls went swimming (hopefully the same ones complaining about getting wet earlier).  Blah Blah rounded up the circle and the erections were underway.  Voting machines from Palm Beach county, Florida were brought in for the occasion, and a free and unfair erection followed (see Erection Results 2008 for details).

Afterwards, the hares were showered with many complaints about rain (this again?), mud, insects, heat, basically all the things you’d expect to find in the rural areas of a tropical, developing country.  Newly erected and raring to go RA Flaccido Domingo strode to the pulpit ready to take over the flock, but was wrestled to the ground by acting RA Rubbed Raw, who still had legal control over the wayward hashers and wanted one last chance to flog the sinners.  Those being forced to walk the plank:  Paulette for not being able to hold her water, Wannacracker for tripping over cow tethers, STD for charging through the water, Fester for shameless public nudity, Tokyo Joe for general shamelessness (he actually lifted his condom and flashed some leg to get the driver to stop).

With Blah Blah back at the helm, the old committee was banished and the new committee (who bore a striking resemblance to the predecessors), were ushered in.  The smell of roasting meat and darkening skies were drawing hashers’ attention away, but it was Chickpea’s damning charge to Blah Blah, pointing to his shorts, that she saw no sign of this heavily-touted erection that caused an abrupt end to the circle and got us all to the dinner table.  Merci, mon cherie.

A divine feast followed, with hashers warmed by the fire, breaking into song, and drowning in beer.  Many thanks to all who helped prepare, and much gratitude to Leaking Duck and Pissalot for their hospitality and for a lovely evening.

On On!

P2H3 Run #873 - The Shortcutters Dream Trail

Run Date: 24/08/2008

Hares: Milky Discharge, Horny Cow, Sophena, Silicon Chip (Walk)

Run Report: Rubbed Raw

Pleasant skies returned once more to Phnom Penh this week, after last week’s torrential monsoon, with the Rain Gods deciding to take a week off.  Even the injured Two Muffins and a Banana returned, not to be beaten by those fiendish rice bunds.  It seemed however the rain last week had put off a few, with numbers being slightly down.  The two truck strategy seems to be paying off with Hashers enjoying much more space to stand, converse, passing beer and other fluids (no not that type! even Mr Tinkle has some standards!) around.

The destination this week was to Blah Blah’s old stamping ground, on the very swollen East banks of the Tonle Bassac.  The rain has been reasonably light this week, and so the trail was firm and dry underfoot for the pack.  The hares this week were Milky Discharge, Horny Cow and virgin Hare ANZ Banker Sophena.  The nine virgins were welcomed by stand in GM, Rubbed Raw (with Blah Blah in China trying to find where his nation’s lost Gold had gone). The new blood was from the UK, USA, Malaysia, Cambodia and even Finland this week.

A fast run was ensured by the dry conditions, despite an early meander around the market gardens of the area, and 2 early Hash Holds, the FRBs were soon to have their evil way and split up the pack on the long hard fast run into the halfway point.  You could hear the whinging and cursing of the Leaking Duck’s of the world from the Beer Truck!  “Where’s the next f**king Hold!”

The halfway was at the (in)famous Pagoda of the Anchor Brewery run fame, and some FRBs had a long wait for the last stranded, overheating hash backmarkers to finally arrive.  The Royal D’s were very popular this week, with most hashers sweating away half their body weight in the extreme temperatures, and long stretches of the trail so far.

The second half was to be one great short cutting opportunity for those unsuspecting (and possibly some divisive) FRBs.  The trail found the parallel road to the highway, where the Hares struggled to find many good trails on return, and so had to revert to shorter loops to the left and right of the road to lengthen the return.  However the problem of a short loop is that should an unsuspecting FRB miss the Check Around Mark, or the On Back Cross he may find himself very quickly back on trail, none the wiser a loop had even existed!  Oh the shame and indignation for them, never wishing to have a shorter run, but those FRBs were enjoying moving at such speed in the flat, dry conditions this week, trail marks were all but a blur!  How can they be blamed for these short cutting ways?!

The circle, presided by Stand in GM, was a clinical one, without the rambling, dancing and sunset-spotting Blah Blah.  The Hares were berated for laying such a well marked trail, the Virgins, formerly introduced, were quickly dealt with, then the Foreign Spy from Sumatra, and 3 Returnees including Just Add Beer, with such ruthless efficiency even Blitzkrieg was in awe!  Acting RA was Milky Discharge (being groomed for greater things one thinks!) punished such sins as bad moustache attempts by Little Boy and Just Add Beer, smokers, short-cutters and other random charges from Tokyo Joe (accusing Kate of being Festers Love Child!) were to repent to the tunes of Choirmaster, Leaking Duck! Anniversaroids this week were Little Boy (70), Mr Tinkle (110) and making the century, Flaccido Domingo!

The main act of the circle was to be P2H3’s own closing ceremony of the Olympic Games.  With a few Russian impersonators (Bronze), the many Yank’s (Silver) and (Malay) Chinese (Gold) accepted their respective medals, being the top three nations on the medal table. The circle was reminded of next weeks Annual Erections to be hosted at the Leaking Duck Mansion, and then ended with a hearty Swing Low rendition.

The extra room and fluid passing was once again enjoyed on the way home, with the On On On making a return to the Golden Cabbage.  The efficiency of the day was luckily repeated by the restaurant staff so that Hashers could return to see the end of China’s feeble effort at re-enacting P2H3’s Olympic Closing ceremony.  All in all a good Hash this week, shame about the uninspired, coffee infused Run Report!

On On to London 2012! (oh dear - how do we follow that Olympics!)

P2H3 Run #872 - For Whom the Hash Tolls

Run Date: 17/08/2008

Hares: Ikea, Flaccido Domingo, Sandy

Run Report: Blah Blah

And amidst the rain one hasher fell and cried out in anguish.  The other runners stared and cried thus “her ankle is weak and she runneth no more; abandon her to the paddy”.  But the walkers took pity and muttered amongst themselves “this looketh a fine bloody opportunity to get out of this downpour.  Let us aid this stricken runner and return her to the warm, and above all else dry, truck.”  And they did.  (Hops 13:15)

The hash has adopted a two truck strategy following the Tokyo subway reenactment of the week prior.  In order to celebrate this momentous event the hares Flacido Domingo, Ikea and Sandy ensured the hash had to go through the toll gate.  Sure, the run was only 200m past the toll gate however the point had to be made.

The pack started off into the paddy fields as the clouds started to roll like the harbingers of doom.  Sensing this impending meteorological onslaught returning runner Two Muffins and a Banana did a wonderful pirouette on a dyke and twisted her ankle.  After checking for compound fractures the runners left her to return to the start, a mere 500m or so away, however she decided to continue with the walkers.  This attempt lasted a mere 10 minutes before the heavens had well and truly opened with lightning and thunder belting out a merry symphony across the rather exposed landscape.  Spotting the imminent deluge James bravely volunteered to carry Two Muffins and a Banana back to the truck, Silicon Chip offered medical services, Lickedy Slit translations services, Pissalot car comfort, Little Boy financial advice, Madam Ovaries extra clothing and Lois professional counseling.  Never before has a hasher been courted so.

Early into the run and already Phlegm and Mr Tinkle had headed off trail on their own bringing the unsuspecting Kate with them.  It was a plan that held them in good stead early in the run however came terribly unstuck when the trail conducted a tricky turn away from the temptation of the paddy. The torrential downpour did slow the hashers somewhat and GM Blah Blah, Wannacracker and Simon were left to do most of the checking whilst a wet and bedraggled pack waited upon their calls through the rain.

Just when we though the trail couldn’t get any wetter the rain gods cried “raise you and see you” and all hell broke loose.  The pack was struggling to even look forwards with the rain stinging the eyes and for once in hash history the pack wasn’t sorry to discover the truck absent at the half way mark.  Ikea made a half hearted attempt to look for it however as Leaking Duck noted whilst shielding his face from the torrent “I don’t think I need a drink of water right now”.  So to cries of “bugger this for a game of soldiers” and some such it was on on and soon the pack was in a village where the road had turned into a river which inevitably had us swimming upstream.  Eventually the rain abated and the pack squelched its way back via yet more paddy.

The circle convened and a number of spurious charges were laid from overzealous evacuation procedures to the improper attire of senior hashers.  Phlegm and Flacido Domingo also were given a down down as part of a goodwill gesture prior to the Nigeria-Belgium Olympic football clash.  GM Blah Blah provided a self appointed down down for noting the beautiful sunset coupled with a rather fetching rainbow.  The circle stared in amazement at the performance of Mr Tinkle who struggled mightily through two down downs, obviously having softened up over his sojourn in merry England.  We apologise to any small kiddies that had to watch this woeful performance and shall endeavour to rectify this sorry state of affairs.  After the circle had finished the steadily drying pack made their way back to town where they broke bread together at City Place.

In all a damp but well marked run and once again the hash sends its thanks to Thor for deciding to pick some other poor wandering sod in the paddy as his target for the day.

On On!

P2H3 Run #871 - The Big Village

Date: 10/08/08

Hares: Tai Ching Lim, STD, Madame Ovary, Comes First

Run report: Phlegm

80 runners! 27 Virgins. A record. Phnom Penh HHH is more and more popular. What can we do? After August 31st Hash Erection, a new committee is one solution. With Fester as Grand Master, Spillage as Religious adviser and Flip Flop as Trail Master, the number will decrease soon.

So, the truck left fuller than one of those carts taking Cambodian girls to the garment factory. Four hares in four vehicles was the solution to find the right way. In Flying Plod and Silicon Chip’s car, Lady Taï Ching explained the direction:

“It is a BIG village… The place where STD likes to go…” — Km11? Direction of Battambang?

“Yes! Yes!” — Do you know what kind of village it is?

“No. It is the place where many prostitutes are assembled.” — Ho…! “After the left turn at Km11 direction Phnom Basset, you have to continue.” — How long? “I don’t know.”

After 10 min calling, she said 6Km. We turned right after 6 more K’s.

“Ahh, heuhhh, no, no, it is not here… Back! Back! It is the “Communist Center”, I remember now. Hello, Mme Ovary? Where is it, we are lost… It is 6 MILES!!! Community Center..? Mhhh…”

Finally, we found the truck waiting for us. But 100 cows arrived and walked before us on a narrow way. Fortunately, our GM Blah Blah arrived followed by Milky discharge with his horn and the smiley Flaccido Domingo. They cleared the way like real cowboys.

So, around 4:20pm we started the run with our 80 hashers. Oudong could have been reached at 4pm! Comes First and STD hares for the runners; Taï Ching and Madame Ovary hares for the walkers. The start was well located at a school and immediately we found the nature with rice fields, trees and fantastic scenery with mountains at the horizon. The problems started for the runners regarding the STD marking. False trails were generally around 200m and the first mark after 50m, if you could see it. Consequently, what are you doing when you find a false trail after 200m? 1. For the stupid FRBs, more Christian than Jesus Christ himself, they came back to the checkaround (400m lost it’s only 50 seconds for Rubbed Row and Ikea); 2. For some others (Flaccido, Wanna Cracker, Milky Discharge, Horny Cow…) they shortcut to join the front; OR 3. Others take a look at the Walkers and see if there is a pagoda far away… (clever guys like Flip Flop for example).

After 5K’s (or 7K’s for Rubbed Raw), the pack arrived…at the favorite Mr Tinkle pagoda. But we didn’t stop inside because it is too nice. We stayed outside with the trucks and the dusty road. Thank you STD for this brilliant idea. (STD is not reading the blog, I can go further).

Second part was as far as the first but with a lovely fresh air. Excellent small ways in the forest, or close to Chinese graves (every time nice view there) and super dry paths except for the short legs of Hit On Me. Runners and walkers arrived approximately together which is a very good timing. Congratulations to Madame Ovary. Who else could do it?

The Down down was the occasion to celebrate the regular hares. New hat with H logo and rabbit had been offered to Blah Blah, Botticelli, Fester, Flaccido Domingo, Laverne, Piglet, STD and Wanna Cracker. Well done! Kate Bugeja and Taï Ching (10 runs each), STD (160 runs) and Kong, foreign Spy from Los Angeles HHH, were punished with beer. Taï Ching received a bonus with Ice cube under her legs. She adopted a Khmer wedding position during the long wait. Ach, the Hash skirts are not long. What a pity Miss J Love Bite!

On on on was at the Sweet restaurant where 15 hashers had indicated they would turn up. But Hash popularity is increasing and at least 40 hashers arrived which is only 50% of this Olympic run attendance.

On! On!

P2H3 Run Report #870 - Haring: It’s a game of two halves

Run Date: 3/08/2008

Hares: Phlegm, Chick Pea, Botticelli (walk)

Run Report: Rubbed Raw

The Master-Hare of P2H3 Phlegm was once again in charge of setting the trail this week, his 146^th Hare!  Better weather was promised from the drenching two weeks ago by the RA, returned from his Koh Kong Recluse and Meditation session.  Despite a few spots of rain, the RA did not disappoint with cloudy skies and a favourable breeze keeping the temperatures down, and some tropical long-timers and locals would say almost chilly!

The venue this week was Kambol out by the Go Kart Race Track, but on this run, there was to be little in the way of racing.  The trail in this rice growing area is inevitably on the bunds, especially now in the wet season.  The verdant green of the young rice crops however provided a stunning backdrop to the largest Virgin Contingent ever seen of 20 to the P2H3 Hash this week.  Also gracing the pack were Foreign Spies Big Mac, Ugen (?) & Doan Ngoc Thu Trang from the Saigon H3, who had recently jointly hashed with P2H3 in Can Tho and Amber from California.

The first half was a very well marked 6km tramp amongst the rice bunds, with a mixture of sandy roads, slimy dykes (no names mentioned) and water filled ditches keeping the FRB’s on their toes with many a switch in direction of the trail.  Notable was Kate for her recently found turn of speed, taking over the FRBee-ach mantle from Cheesy Thong Flasher - proving that yoga and pilates can help your running!.  Only one period of complete confusion, when even the hare lost track of the trails direction, marred a seamless haring performance, this half!!

But as the Run Report title says, it’s a game of two halves.  Having got the pack successfully to the halfway beer stop, there is the job of getting folks back home.  The power lines, seen at the start were a good indication of where home was, and even the starting pagoda could me made out in the near distance.  However those knowing Phlegm would expect a very roundabout return encompassing many more km’s of obstacles and those slimy dykes.  But clearly after his house warming party Friday night, Phlegm had maybe had a few too many Pastisse to get up too early to set the trail and the light must have faded.  This is the only excuse HT can think of why the second half was so short and direct!  Not a ditch, nor a dyke, only a slight hillock being the only obstacle for hashers to encounter on the sub 2km return home.

The FRB’s were shocked and the back runners grateful in equal measure, with even Fester feigned surprised at the ease of this return.  Phlegm is clearly going soft on the P2H3 after so many years of Haring with his reputation for long, arduous runs possibly in tatters.  HT would advise those of a faint heart to miss the next Phlegm Hare if he wants to make up for this one, it’ll be a long and tough one for sure!!

The circle was a kind of Blah Blah meets.. talk show, with the affable, dancing host giving each of his guest’s the opportunity to share their life stories.  With there not being enough potties for the mass of virgins, this was split by walkers and runners.  It seems we are attracting many more virgin French variety this run, which is always good!  The Foreign Spies were toasted, and memories of Can Tho shared, a final farewell to Frog Touch / Ambassador’s Orifice to Southhampton, joined in beer by the Anniveraroids Flying Plod (90) and even Blah Blah (80) himself .  RA was shocked how low the moral’s of the flock had sunk in his time away, and pulled many such as Spillage and Ikea (Bjorn Borg lookalike) into line for crimes such as hillock domination, fashion abuse respectively and the large Danish Virgin Henrik for smoking in the circle.

Now back to the Game of Two Halves theme.. A Hare’s job is to not only set the trail (first half), but also to select the On On On destination.  Not an easy job with many tastes, and backgrounds on the Hash to cater for.  The Hares on this occasion decided to take the Hash kicking and screaming upmarket to the Russian Restaurant Irena’s.  The restaurant had clearly never experienced over 30 hungry Hashers and the waitresses struggled to cope with their ever demanding (almost childlike) ways of the average Hasher.  Maybe the P2H3 Restaurant Selection Policy needs to be updated slightly to cope with the increasing popularity of the On On On?