P2H3 Hash Trash Blog

The Muscle Wine Drinking Club With a Slimy Dyke Problem

Archive for June, 2008

P2H3 Run #862 – A Female Perspective!

Posted by p2h3hashtrash on June 25, 2008

Hash Trash is very fortunate this week to have received two contributions for the run report, this one from our budding novelist and Pilates Guru Kate..

A hot, muggy Sunday saw a hash marked by hordes of American virgins, lost children, and crazed bulls. Blah Blah even showed us his soft side (and not by changing his shorts in front of the truck).

With summer vacation underway in the West, the city has been overrun with young, giddy volunteers and interns; it’s only natural some of them would fall in with the wrong crowd and end up at hash. With these sunburnt do-gooders and a pack of wild, barefoot children, we took off from the pagoda. No half-way, we set out with water and Blah Blah’s pleas to avoid trampling the young banana plants.

The run started pleasant enough, through fields and pastures. After a brief rain shower, we were off to the mud baths, where several runners doffed shoes to soak barefoot in the mineral-rich substance. No sooner were we all shod and back on track, when two of the children realized they had better things to do on a Sunday and tried to go home, only to realize they were lost. A good Samaritan escorted them back to the start point; in the future maybe we’ll leave a trail of bread crumbs, or Royal D.

Tears mopped, mud smeared, we once again took off along the back roads of the villages and pastures, and were hit with another gang of angry cows (you’d think they’d be used to being chased by Hashers by now).

Back at the start point, all the children turned up (and were quite chatty), but we had lost half the walkers. Blah Blah convened anyway, and toasted himself and Herring Choker on a run well hared. STD had lots of comments about the run, unfortunately none with a value attachment. Bronco Buster added her ‘comment’, and beer was gulped.

Four hours later, when the last of the virgins were queried and the walkers finally returned, it was time for our weekly dose of religious flogging. The lack of beer the week before was mentioned, but not punished harsh enough for some. One member Tim received his long-awaited punishment for attacking a tree with his head, and all the American males came out in celebration for the new gay marriage law, particularly beautiful was the union of Little Boy and Fester!

Blah Blah paused in the middle of the proceedings to point out the aesthetic beauty of the late afternoon sun hitting the pagoda roof. Hashers reflected for a moment of silent contemplation, then called for the GM to drink for such a lame comment, before loading onto a diesel-spewing truck and filling their bodies with cheap beer.

On On!

Posted in Run Report | 3 Comments »

P2H3 Run # 862 – Gispert Attacked! Virgin Slams ‘Phony’ Hash

Posted by p2h3hashtrash on June 24, 2008

P2H3 Looks like a Scotty dog to me! Phony Balony

Hares: Herring Choker, Blah Blah, Flying Plod (walk)

Run date: 22/6/08

Run report: Ikea

Again this week we were favoured with the presence of many hash virgins. The truck is getting very full. Some of the virgins enjoyed their deflowering and won’t be able to stop coming, some we won’t see again, while some will write defamatory scuttlebutt about the Hash on their blogs. See here. “Phony ceremonies“?? Whaa?? The hash ceremonies are beautiful and meaningful. They resemble a Japanese noh drama, or kabuki, or karaoke. They were given to us by none other than Gispert. Should Delphic Guardian of the Pure Hash Soul, Tokyo Joe, become aware of this hasher the punishment will be icy and terrible.

To the Hash. Hares HE Blah Blah and first-time hare Herring Choker came up with a pleasing and at times tricky course on that patch of prime hashing territory over the Monivong Bridge, turn right, near the Bassac. They went out to the run site THREE times in preparation so it bloody well should have been bloody good. That is a disturbing level of dedication to Hashing.

Anyway, it doesn’t matter how well you mark the trail and how many cans of paint you use, someone is going to get lost. Usually Phlegm. This man’s shortcuts are getting more and more wild and unlikely as weeks go by. He was last seen by hashtrash shortcutting towards a distant lake and then not seen again until the end, where he did not display enough sweat for a Belgian in the tropics. Under interrogation, he denied using a moto and narrated a likely story about nymphs bathing naked in the lake, the soft afternoon light gently caressing their bodies. He seemed to have dragged Mr Tinkle with him, probably with promises of same. Even the walkers, though they had their own superbly marked trail and all kinds of clear instruction, still found a way to gang aglay. Abuser and Comes First swanned in when the circle was almost over.

A clutch of front runners blindly followed Rubbed Raw, Nora and Wankee Yankee off trail down a muddy and thorny path, then all the way back. STD noted Nora’s muddy legs and wondered aloud whether they might like to feel the rough side of his tongue, that is, a tongue bath. Her response implied she is no stranger to debauchery and steam was seen blowing from STD’s ears. Former FRB Rubbed Raw arrived at the subsequent hold an embarrasing 4 minutes after most of the rest of the pack.

(Added by HT Assistance) The pack then follwed a couple of very frisky, horny cows, rousing them into a charging gallop along the narrow path, Shortcutter Little Boy a near victim.  Luckily the trail took a sudden left turn, and the cows carried on.  But then, near disaster, the road the cows were on met with the trail again.  Some hashers, now in front of the bovine pair, were then being chased Pamplona style down the road.  Rubbed Raw and Wannacracker were lucky to escape a goring, and certainly had to work hard to stay in front!!

Don’t trust what you read in the local press. Three months after the transparent April Fools Day ruse on this blog, Tim of the tree gashed head fame (so much material to work with there for a name, Mr Tinkle) asked about the Hash getting closed down by the authorities (see here). We have a winner! As a journo he might be interested in another exclusive story we’ve been keeping under our sarongs: did you hear about that actress who got stabbed? Rhys…someone….

Hashionista Flying Plod continues to turn heads, turning up this week in a virginal all-white outfit. White is the colour this rainy season, he says.

Wanna Cracker has completed 270 runs (respect) but still struggles with the concept of the hash hold. Very lucky to escape punishment.

An eloquent defence of his hash beering record was not enough to save Flaccido Domingo from the charge of running out of beer last week. Down Down.

The On On On was at the Burmese place Irrawaddy. The food was straight out delicious and came straight out as we arrived. A great venue to keep in mind.

On On to the Red Dress Run.

Posted in Run Report | 9 Comments »

Upcumming events…

Posted by p2h3hashtrash on June 23, 2008

1. Red Dress Run

‘Those shorts are a disgrace’ – a scene from last year’s run

This SATURDAY, 3pm – meet at the big old Post Office (near street 104) (NOT the railway station).

The SUNDAY run is on as normal: 2.45pm at the railway station.

2. Hash Mismanagement Meeting

For the mismanagement committee: 7.30 Wednesday at Herring Choker’s bar.

Posted in Announcements | 1 Comment »

P2H3 Run # 861 – Phlegm’s Island Romp

Posted by p2h3hashtrash on June 17, 2008

P2H3

Run date: 15/6/08

Hares: Phlegm & protege (sorry, didn’t get ya name)

Run report: Ikea

What to say about this Hash? Well…let’s say the quality was variable.

The On On at the start? Terrible. Off the boat and lost immediately, then a single-file battle with head-high sword grass. The On-In at the end? A confusing and painful schmozzle. By contrast, the middle section was unspeakable: the marking system was eccentric and the FRBs barely got out of a jog, and when they did they fell into holes or got stung by wasps.

But somehow Hare Phlegm polished what seemed like a turd of a run into a gold nugget. An A to B run on an island is no easy feat. It requires the boat to find both the start and the finish, which it did with no apparent trouble. And in the absence of a Religious Advisor, the Hare took it upon himself to deliver the fairest hashing weather for several months — nice and cool, good cloud cover, no downpour. Sweeeet.

So after the long slow cruise down the Mekong past a number of those floating ‘cough’ restaurants (‘cream with a stream?’ ‘ho with the flow?’) and McMansions toppling hilariously into the river, the pack was landed on the island. Have we been here before? Blitzkrieg says we have, so probably we have. Phlegm then explains the trail with an evil grin on his face. ‘No half way’, he smirks, ‘sometimes there is No Way At All. Take drinks with you’. Meh heh heh hehhh.

From the start the trail simply plowed through every patch of sharp dense bush that the Hare could find. Here we experienced untouched Cambodia, unspoilt by tourism or any human at all: who else would go here except for snakes and Hashers? We should take machetes next time. The trail was generally a single file plod, which kept the pack close and led to strange happenings – such as Fester leading the way and calling the On Ons. After a while of this we mercifully broke out onto farmland and skirted – very slowly, since the trail darted off at all angles and was frequently invisible – a lake and crawled through banana plantations.

Our numerous American virgins were certainly enjoying themselves, whooping it up like it was spring break at Cancun with every check and hold (‘Oh Yeah!, Hollllllding, Yeah BABY!’) (they didn’t get nude though). The calls of ‘On Three’, ‘On Four’ etc, from one of them showed that maybe the pre-hash instructions weren’t all that clear. Back on the trail, our Finnish dude in tracksuit pants also demonstrated how NOT to do a check – just wave your head briefly at one of the possible paths and call ‘checking’, then follow another runner a different way. Hashers, some tips: remember that on a Phlegm run if you can see a mark from a check it will be a false trail every time. Also, towards the end of a run he will get lazy and just give up marking the false trails.

We made it down to the other side of the island. The run along the beach was probably the most pleasant and picturesque part of the trip. All hoped that it would be a simple effort from here to make it back to the beer. All were wrong. The trail left the beach and headed back into the scrub. Really thick scrub this time. About here Hashtrash watched FRB Herring Choker fall down a hole as if he had been shot. A bit further on, rounding a tree, he went down again — stung by wasps. ‘DRITSEK!’ he yelled (Asshole in Norwegian). Hashtrash went the other way round the tree. It turned out later that Wide Angle (welcome back) and some other hashers also fell victim to the wasps.

The final 100 metres saw hashers thrashing about in every direction and toiling like Sisyphus against the unyielding jungle. It was agony knowing the beer was near but being unable to reach it. When Hashtrash made it to the clifftop finish the Hare was already on his second Anchor. Hashers dribbled in with stories of hardship and Little Boy came much later, having toured the villages on the way.

A hasty circle was convened by stand-in GM and RA STD with assistance from stand-in beer girl Ambassador’s Orifice. Virgins took down downs and the run was declared ‘awesome’. Punishments were handed out for wildlife abuse (wasps), technology abuse, fashion crimes (Just Add Beer’s long socks) and ‘being British’ (is this still going on?? sickening).

It was a very late arrival back at the docks and the beer ran out on the way. What’s up with that, Hash Beer?? Of the hi-jinks at the ON ON ON I have no idea but it was allegedly in the vicinity of the riverfront.

ON ON

EDIT: I should have said: a very memorable and strangely enjoyable run. Well hared. Still think you should have been iced though…

‘Dr Fester, I presume…”

Posted in Outstanding Haring, Run Report | 7 Comments »

P2H3 Run #860 – cc: Mr Tinkle’s ABC

Posted by p2h3hashtrash on June 12, 2008

P2H3

Run Date: 08/06/2008

Hares: Mr Tinkle, Just Add Beer, Piglet (Walk)

Run Report: Rubbed Raw / Ikea

The lot of a Hare is truly a difficult one when choosing where to set the run. Some choose to mix it up, go to new places every time, others like to consistently go back to a favoured areas. Phnom Basset really is Mr Tinkle’s favourite sprinkling ground! Not only that, but Mr Tinkle also has a great love of the ABC run, i.e. going from one point to another with the truck taking hashers back to the start point.

Its good to mix things up of course, otherwise hashing would be boring (no, never, how could that be so, HT). There is one slight drawback of the ABC is that if you run over 10km in one direction, the truck inevitably has to do a round 20km route back due to its inability to cross rice bunds and ditches, and this can take considerable amount of time. Some would cry – ‘More time to drink the P2H3 beer’, others just whinged it took too long to get home in an overcrowded truck. I let you (if you’ve hared before) be the judge of this haring policy – but you can never keep all the people happy all of the time!

This week’s hash was therefore, you guessed it, a classic Mr Tinkle Phnom Basset ABC run, aided by Hash Muse Just Add Beer. Hashers at the familiar start point (a very nice pagoda with funky statues) were immediately admonished by the chief monk for wearing hats in sacred ground. The large number (over 12) new virgins were introduced (even a Nepalese citizen this week), before setting off in a familiar trail with a far more tuneful Milky Discharge on the Hash Horn. So similar to Mr Tinkle’s previously hared run #847 that one could be forgiven to think that it was indeed a carbon copy! This fact however gave the Hash an air of arrogance, thinking they knew the way, and therefore soon ended up completely off trail arriving at a hold point from the last run which was about 1km too far south of the actual trail! The hares mud clear instructions – ‘spread out, it’s somewhere near here’, were deftly ignored as the hash set off over this familiar territory reverting to past knowledge once again.

Once at point B, and back on trail finally, the hares took the hash in a different direction from its previous incarnation. Once off the newly sealed road, where Hashers could finally stretch their legs after kms of ankle-break risking rice bunds and paddies, a sharp left turn took the trail into a nice chinese cemetery area, complete with ‘bandstand’ for the tired and overheating pack to take a well earned shady seat. The trail then took a detour through a maggot infested drainage pipe, devilishly included in the trail. Much to Mr Tinkle’s amusement, the screams of those hashers brave enough to attempt the obstacle when narrowly avoided being eaten alive by the flesh munching worms were heard!

Once the final destination of the truck was located, at another pagoda, the runners waited for the walkers to catch up. Stories of maggots, snakes (Ikea trod on one) and other creepy crawlies (Fester?) were shared during the hours that followed awaiting the walkers arrival. As darkening skies drew in, HE Blah Blah quickly called the circle in, now exempt from the pagoda hat rule, where the various down down’s were handed out to bourgeois sinners with threats of hot pokers from the medieval RA. A last farewell to Pink Rabbit, with many a tear shed by all, and it was back on the packed truck to Point A. A mass exodus from the truck at the pagoda made the remaining trip back into town more spacious.

On On!

Posted in Run Report | 2 Comments »

Hash announcements

Posted by p2h3hashtrash on June 9, 2008

Some Hash stuff you might have missed…

This Wednesday evening (11 June) all regular Hashers are invited down to Herring Choker’s Bar on 104 where the free stuff will be flowing from 9pm until it is gone (for P2H3 Hashers only). Courtesy of Blah Blah…

And, as announced over on the Official Hash Website:

Red Dress Run – 3pm, 28 June 2008 (a Saturday) – get all frocked up in red and make Hashing even more risible and humiliating than normal.

No doubt it will rain. So consider whether that diaphonous red negligee will show you off in the best possible light (for most the answer is definitely NO!, but ask Hash Trash if unsure). Our Hash uber-chic-uber-fashion-uber-policeman Flying Plod will be the judge for Fashions on the (Paddy) Field and even if you don’t win, you will certainly benefit from his views on what’s hot and what’s just humid and a wee bit sticky in the world of high fashion, with particular reference to Fester’s ebay shorts.

ON ON

Posted in Announcements | 2 Comments »

P2H3 Run # 859 — The Three Hares of the Apocalypse

Posted by p2h3hashtrash on June 6, 2008

P2H3

Run date: 1/6/08

Hares: Rubbed Raw, Wankee Yankee, Rowena (walk)

Run report: Ikea

Hashers hoping for a lazy Sunday stumble around the fields and a bit of fun before giving the Anchor Beer a thrashing felt their hamstrings convulse immediately on seeing the Haring line-up for this week’s run: Rubbed Raw (FRB; a disgracefully fit Scot. Scots are supposed to be fat and jolly like Colin Montgomery), Hugo (FRB; as seen on late nite abmaster commercials), and Rowena (FWB, injured FRB; cycles more than is sane in this climate). What kind of death march would this trio come up with?

The truck rolled up to the start of the run – past Tahkmau, not far beyond Duck Mansion – where the Hares were waiting with their bikes. ‘No half-way. Half-ways are for sissies’ was the call from the Hares. Then we had to carry the heavily stocked eskies a hundred leagues onto the ferry. Dear God, I found myself almost wishing for a Phlegm run.

Once over on the Bassac island, we set off and straight away found ourselves among low hanging branches designed to scalp virgins and taller people. Apparently, one virgin took a hit to the head and had to retire with a nasty gash. The trail was hot, long (even Runs Well was seen sweating at one point) but generally well marked and the Hares kindly placed a number of holds (although some holds were marked during the run, which probably broke a hash convention of some sort but shows that the hares were feeling guilty). But all trail markings are superflous to Phlegm who short-cutted his way around the course with more success than normal — this time he didn’t need to take a moto back to the finish.

A hot and very whiffy pack arrived back at the ferry port for much needed liquid. Some of the German visitors/virgins had been boasting about how much beer they were going to imbibe, did the Hash have enough? You know what Germans are like at drinking etc etc etc. Well – on arrival at the finish they went straight for the water. All talk. The circle was convened and Fester set up a chair in the middle of the road and invited motorbikes to drive around him.

The christening of Wankee Yankee troubled Hash minds for a little while. The man is noted for fiddling with dogs during runs and he almost got away with the somewhat lame ‘Hot Dog’. However, all knew that Mr Tinkle, though absent fishing, would not abide such a tame moniker, so this Canadian became known as Wankee Yankee, with reference to the fact that his part of Canada aspires to secede, probably to join the USA, who knows. Welcome Monsieur Wankee Yankee! He looked very pleased with his name. The Hash, as always, is culturally sensitive. Congratulations also to Runs Well for his 270th run with P2H3.

ON ON ON ON

Snap from the circle: With his horn in hand as always, GM Blah Blah signals a six pointer

Posted in Run Report | 2 Comments »