P2H3 Hash Trash Blog

The Muscle Wine Drinking Club With a Slimy Dyke Problem

Archive for September, 2008

Hellhounds at the Velkommen – EVERY Friday

Posted by p2h3hashtrash on September 16, 2008

After last week’s night of great music and debauchery, the Hellhounds are appearing AGAIN this Friday (and every friday) at The Velkommen inn on 104.

Starting at 8pm.

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P2H3 Run #876 – The Rubbed Out Run

Posted by p2h3hashtrash on September 16, 2008

Date: 14/09/08

Hare: Rubbed Raw, Yogi Bra, Botticelli (walk), Chick Pea (walk)

Hashtrash — Due to a happy clerical error we got two reports this week. Neither is likely to be a correct record of events.

1. Phlegm:

2h30pm. Sunscreen, sunglasses, H hat: ready to go to the H.

2h45pm: registration at the railway station with a nice sun. Leaking Duck, the new H cash, is not lucky. Only 45 hashers today… Some hashers have bad excuses: Ikea: flu or dengue; Tokyo Joe: boat trip; J Love Bite: wine tasting; Mr Tinckle: English Premier league football… Others have a better excuse as Yap Yap: shopping in Tokyo with Blah Blah‘s credit card; STD: fishing in the Phillipines…

3h05pm: our GM Blah Blah explains the direction but he is not the hare today. Yogi Bra and Rubbed Raw Yogi said “The River close to the Killing Fields”. Surprisingly, Yogi Bra is not able to explain the way to the drivers. Thus, we are following the GM’s car. set the trail the day before and

3h06pm: the trucks are moving to Mao Tse Tung boulevard. And the rain starts. A big rain. And moreover the wind is there. After 5 minutes we are freezing. Virgin runners Nadia Astari from Indonesia is sitting at a corner of the truck and takes some photos. She is smiling. Nora “Thong Cheese Flasher”, back from her holiday in Vermont tells us about her long journey spent waiting in airports. Fascinating! The rain is stronger. Gosh, we are freezing… Horny Cow cannot resist and snuggles up to Milky Discharge. Sex on the H! After 5 more minutes, she sits on the beer bucket close to Spillage and clings on to the abdomen of her love (the other guy!). What a hot scene! How will they finish? Kate Bugeja is horrified. She is the only one with a raincoat and puts her hood on her eyes…

But even with a so hot sexual scene in the truck, we are still freezing. Yogi Bra does not remember the way. Rubbed Raw is waiting at the Intercontinental hotel (what a snob !). Consequently all the traffic is blocked at the crossroads. But even with his poncho, he refuses to join the pack on the truck and goes on the luxurious GM’s car.  Snobbish hasher!

Our truck turns left to the Killing Fields memorial. Yogi Kate has no idea where the start is and Under the Table proposes to join that pagoda… On back! On the road again… And we reach the cars.

Finally, we arrive at the river but we have to continue 3 more Km on a muddy road. 4h05pm: we took one hour to reach the start. Rubbed Raw is three times faster with his bicycle but sometimes collides with the motorbikes. It was the case a few hours before the H when he came back from Kirirom. Yes, he is crazy.

The hares explain that the trails are long: 7km for the walkers with Botticelli and Chick Pea as walking hares. 15km for the runners! Let’s go, it is a good training for the next half Marathon in Angkor. We have fast runners today: Herring Chocker is back, Dinus De Vries from Holland, the returnee Patrick, Runswell and Wanna Cracker of course, Horny Cow and Thong Cheese Flasher, Blah Blah and Milky Discharge and last but not least, an Olympic Cambodian runner with his own official uniform (Dara).Flaccido Domingo is a little bit tired today. Too many beers or too many girls?

9km after the start, we find the Half way close to another pagoda south. Cramps are coming. Runners are stretching.

Second part is on a lovely way. A dike with rice fields on the right side and the river on the left. Typical Khmer houses along the way and many Cambodian supporters. The finish is magnificent: the roof of the pagoda is illuminated and twinkles in the night. Better than the Royal Palace! Yes, it is cloudy and past 6pm but what a fantastic scene.

The down downs are magic. With Flying Plod as a Choir Master, our new virgin hasher Keira carries a Chinese lantern and other “kids” do the same: Milky Discharge, Under The Table, Piglet, Thida, Laverne… Due to the magic mushroom party organized the day before, Tai Ching receives her H name after 15 runs: Happy Cake. Good luck in Japan and come back to Cambodia! Another leaver receives down downs for all the sins he commits this afternoon: Rubbed Raw. After 59 runs and 6 hares, P2H3 thanks you. Don’t forget you will have a free run when you will be back in Phnom Penh.

On On Baby!

2: Blah Blah

And the hare did leap forth into the four wheel drive and claim with great excitement, “it raineth bloody hard, however I do feel bad about joining bourgeois elite whilst others suffer so on yonder truck.  How does one work this CD player?  Can you possibly turn up the aircon a little?”  [Hops 13:04]

It was a very dark and foreboding sky that greeted the forty or so hardened souls at the train station.  Rubbed Raw had promised a long and hard run and Yogi’s Bra’s slightly dazed look suggested that the trail had indeed tested their endurance.  Rubbed Raw, however, was not able to make it to the station and instead elected to be picked up by a swish, all comfort, four wheel drive outside of the Intercontinental Hotel.  Oh how the standards slip (or rise as the case may be).

Despite a torrential downpour on the way to the run site past the Killing Fields, the hash itself was held in a gentle sprinkling of rain.  The hares informed the pack that the run would be around 14 to 15km with a few short cuts thrown in.   Needless to say there was an unseemly rush to the walkers’ camp after this announcement had sunk in.  It also resulted in a fear of checking with Wannacracker, GM Blah Blah, Patrick (back from Burma) and Dara left to find the path for the pack over the ensuing km’s.

The was some form shown by Leaking Duck who seemed to revel in the longer distance (though was guilty of taking one short cut) and a complete lack of form from Phlegm who joined the walkers for the second leg.  Boticelli was also enjoying out-walking the walkers and declared at the end of the trail that the rest of the walkers were some way behind her, somewhere, wherever, it doesn’t matter.  There may be a general declaration that from hence forth Boticelli will have to join the run.  Piglet also showed some running capacity coming in at the front of the walkers with Phlegm at a gentle jog.  Horny Cow was one of the few hashers to complete the full circuit along with Milky Discharge, though he was forced to forfeit his horn for the second half in order to regain some breathe.  Runs Well broke down late in the second half claiming cramp, though he wasn’t entirely clear on the issue of the location of said cramp.  We’re aiming for one ankle roll every fortnight and the Hash Mismanagement Committee would like to thank Kate Bugeja for volunteering for this week’s mishap.

The pack eventually made its way back, being guided in by a combination of the wat which was lit up like, rather inappropriately, a Christmas tree and the colourful lanterns supplied by Phlegm for the Chinese Chung Ch’iu festival.

In the circle the pack welcomed back the Thong Cheese Flasher who had been in Vermont, apparently eating cheese, and we can only assume in a thong.  Patrick was also welcomed back from Burma though the pack had to remove the Junta installed surveillance devices from his person before he could speak freely.

Yet is was also goodbye to the enigmatic Rubbed Raw who is off to continue the Scottish invasion of London where he plans to usurp the ruling classes through the procurement of flashy bike gear and GPS’s.  Tai Ching was also departing, though for Fukuoka in Japan, and the hash bestowed upon her the name Happy Cake as a parting gift due to the entertainments of the night prior.

Pissalot was also suffering from the frivolity of the same evening and was led by her daughter Kiera (3 y.o.) for most of the walk though for some reason we forgot to bring her into the circle; maybe it was the fact it was raining.

On On

Posted in Outstanding Haring, Run Report | 7 Comments »

P2H3 Run #875 – But soft! What hash through yonder hash hashes?

Posted by p2h3hashtrash on September 9, 2008


Date:7/9/08

Hare: Blah Blah

Report: Ikea

Are today’s Hashers soft? Discuss…

Veteran hashman Sid (275 runs) returned to the bosom of his mother Hash this weekend.  By halfway one leg was a mess of gore and blood and pus and mud.  When others (most likely those whom Mr Tinkle would dub ‘NGO-types‘) came at him with words like ‘infection’, ‘tropical ulcer’, ‘jumping Frenchman of Maine disease’ and ‘Doctor’, Sid just gave a wry laugh and washed the wound out with Anchor.

Exhibit B is the virgin Australian who ran until his hotel flip-flops blew out and then completed the trail in bare feet.  Illegitimate he may be, lacking a birth certificate – very probably, but say what you like, the young man has cojones (balls).

Contrast this with the farrago of lies and excuses bleated out by others.  I will let you guess which of Runs Well, Herring Choker, Mr Tinkle and Rubbed Raw made these comments: “I didn’t get much sleep last night, so bit tired…”, “I cycled 200 kms this morning, so wee bit tired…”, “Had a few too many beers last night, bit tired”, “I have an addiction to ice cream and junk food and I put on 8 kilos while overseas, very tired…”.

The cause of all this FRB whining was a fast, all-holds barred (ie, no holds at all) course laid by GM HE Blah Blah (re-erected last week with acclamation) and a blazing (and blatantly racist) run-in by Wanna Cracker.

After arriving in the luxurious comfort now afforded by the two-truck policy (I will say nothing of the luxury vehicles this week; one took me home after dinner) the trail took us out along dirt roads and contained plenty of tricks, notably the one along both sides of a canal which stymied shortcutting bastard and gambler Simon who calculated his odds and lost. Another who loses more often than he wins is the Phlegmish one. As usual he went off towards a distant pagoda of no relevance to the trail.

This territory near Toul Kork has not hosted a hash for some time, though Blitzkrieg recalls setting a run from the same pagoda.  Good weather, good trail.  The walkers trickled in not too far behind the runners.

Circle work:

Newly erected Assistant GM Milky Discharge blows a fine horn. Big ups. But he also introduced and dealt with the virgins in excellent and very amusing style.  Once he learns ‘the GM leprechaun hop’ and the Cossack dance he will be the complete package. Watch this man.

I had predicted a reign of terror from ambitious new RA Flaccido Domingo in the circle but he was restrained.  He seems to have strong moral views regarding nudity, though admittedly a topless Cums Anally in see-through white shorts and Fester’s lack of a shirt last week, were offensive sights and deserved punishment (check Hash Snaps if that kind of thing gets you off). Anniversaroid Sarsy was brought in for his down down.  A man of intrigue and mystery, that Sarsy.  Is he a runner of a walker?  We may never know. Otherwise, the naming of Yogi Bra was the big circle event.  The alternative suggestion of Pontificating Pilates was meritorious but lacked the x factor: a song.

Yogi, Yogi…

ON ON

Posted in Outstanding Haring, Run Report | 6 Comments »

www.P2H3.com Revised

Posted by p2h3hashtrash on September 4, 2008

Yes, after a year of minimal action or change on the main www.p2h3.com website, the new Hash Webmaster has been busy.  Gone are the out-of-date links to the 2006 Hash Prelube and Mekong River Swim, and in of course are the links to this Blog site!!

A new feature is the Hash Trails Google Map of all the trails I have captured on my GPS (about 33 since run #805) for your viewing pleasure.  The Google map is fully interactive so you can zoom in and move around the map, add satellite imagery behind if you like.  Click on the marker to get the run number (note some sit on top of each other though).  You can download the kml (google earth file) by typing in the link http://www.p2h3.com/trails/kml/p2h3_run8##.kml where obviously the ## is the run number. I can’t change the colours I’m afraid of trails, and will work out an easier way to download soon.

If you have any other suggestions for minor changes to the Hash website let me know by leaving a comment below

Enjoy

Hash Webmaster (Rubbed Raw)

Posted in Announcements | 6 Comments »

P2H3 Run #874 – Erection Week, Up Sh*t Creek with no Paddle!

Posted by p2h3hashtrash on September 3, 2008

Run Date: 31/8/2008

Hares: Leaking Duck, Phlegm, Chickpea (walking)

Run Report: Kate

The Poseidon adventure continues for the hash as they endure another soaking.  On the bright side, hashers’ free-style and backstrokes have improved considerably.

Summer break is over and the virgins have drifted back to their native shores, only to be replaced by a boatload of foreign spies, including an entire family of hashers.  “I was born on the hash!” exclaimed the son.  Good lord.

After a brief stop at the Leaking Duck mansion, the runners and walkers were segregated and the runners dumped at a pagoda 8km south.  Hashers predicted an easy run due to the erections and gala slated for later that evening, but the hares had other plans.  True to character, Phlegm (on his 150th Hare) set a lengthy A to B run in the verdant, drenched countryside, through rice paddies and into the forest.  True to his hash name, Leaking Duck sent us through crotch-skimming water (see hash snaps for frightening evidence of Flying Plod and Phlegm trying to keep their, um, shorts dry).  Perhaps hash haberdashery could whip us up some rubber hip-waders.  Rubbed Raw, in possession of the golden horn, played a mournful sea shanty as the pack slogged, single file, grumbling about leaches and water snakes.  “This is just like the Vietnam war!” exclaimed a young hasher.  Yes, that’s exactly what it was like, as STD mounted a submarine attack from the grimy depths.

Just when the pack emerged onto dry land, thanking heaven for deliverance from all things wet, black clouds began to roll in across the sky.  True to character, the rainy season did its thing and we were soon running under pounding rain.  Over the din of the storm you could hear hashers exclaiming things like, ‘hey, it’s wet!‘ and, ‘I didn’t know it would rain?!‘  Were it not called the rainy season, one might sympathize with these soggy whingers.

Many of the roads turned instantly into muddy rivers, causing much slipping, sliding and whining, though hashers are now sporting curiously fresh, glowing skin from all the mud (people in L.A. pay big money for the stuff).  One foreign spy got trapped in the mud, requiring a deep-sea rescue, Blah Blah twisted his ankle, and it turns out Blitzkrieg’s teleporter can transform into a hydroplane and he was seen cruising by in a Panama hat, puffing a Cuban cigar.

The pack eventually found the pagoda where the truck was moored, and it was a smooth sailing back, marred only by a condom-clad, hitch-hiking Tokyo Joe and his unfortunate companion (in a fetching French condom).  Once the truck anchored at the port, hashers stampeded off, over Leaking Duck’s cries to hose off before diving into his pool.

Water-logged hashers gathered around the grill for warmth, while a few brave souls went swimming (hopefully the same ones complaining about getting wet earlier).  Blah Blah rounded up the circle and the erections were underway.  Voting machines from Palm Beach county, Florida were brought in for the occasion, and a free and unfair erection followed (see Erection Results 2008 for details).

Afterwards, the hares were showered with many complaints about rain (this again?), mud, insects, heat, basically all the things you’d expect to find in the rural areas of a tropical, developing country.  Newly erected and raring to go RA Flaccido Domingo strode to the pulpit ready to take over the flock, but was wrestled to the ground by acting RA Rubbed Raw, who still had legal control over the wayward hashers and wanted one last chance to flog the sinners.  Those being forced to walk the plank:  Paulette for not being able to hold her water, Wannacracker for tripping over cow tethers, STD for charging through the water, Fester for shameless public nudity, Tokyo Joe for general shamelessness (he actually lifted his condom and flashed some leg to get the driver to stop).

With Blah Blah back at the helm, the old committee was banished and the new committee (who bore a striking resemblance to the predecessors), were ushered in.  The smell of roasting meat and darkening skies were drawing hashers’ attention away, but it was Chickpea’s damning charge to Blah Blah, pointing to his shorts, that she saw no sign of this heavily-touted erection that caused an abrupt end to the circle and got us all to the dinner table.  Merci, mon cherie.

A divine feast followed, with hashers warmed by the fire, breaking into song, and drowning in beer.  Many thanks to all who helped prepare, and much gratitude to Leaking Duck and Pissalot for their hospitality and for a lovely evening.

On On!

Posted in Event Hash, Run Report | 2 Comments »

P2H3 Erection 2008 Results!!

Posted by p2h3hashtrash on September 1, 2008

After a night of much frivolity, excellent food (many thanks to the ladies who prepared it), and probably the quickest Erection known to P2H3, the results of the vote are in (if I can remember them, in my slightly hungover haze!).  Many thanks to Leaking Duck and Pissalot for very generously hosting the night once again at their house. To download the Hash Trash Erection Special Issue click Here

Grand Master: Blah Blah, re-erected with increased majority (though Paddington Bra once again made a strong opponent)

Religous Advisor: Flaccido Domingo (help us all!)

Assistant GM: Milky Discharge

Hash Beer: Runs Well

Hash Cash: Leaking Duck (our funds are in ‘safe’ hands , and possibly to be invested in some island of Sihanoukville!)

Hash Stats: Phlegm (unanimous vote!)

Hare Raiser: Mr Tinkle

Hash Haberdashery: Yap Yap, assisted by Madame Ovary and Lickety Slit

Hash Flash: Blitzkrieg and his teleporter (all though are welcome to submit their own photos for upload via Blitzkrieg)

Hash Webmaster: Rubbed Raw (for 3 weeks to fix up site, then reerected)

Hash Trash: Kate, Ikea (in a consultancy role until December)

Hash Choirmaster: STD

So there you have it the P2H3 Mis-Management Committee for another year! Good luck!

On On!

Posted in Announcements | 13 Comments »