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The Muscle Wine Drinking Club With a Slimy Dyke Problem

Archive for February, 2009

P2H3 Run # 900 & 901 – Weekend Extravaganza

Posted by p2h3hashtrash on February 26, 2009

the-run buddhist-diorama

say-anchor down-downs

our-fearless-leader std-resurfaces

sunday-stroll-through-tuol-kork hashers-at-the-helm

hash-rides-again little-boy

Dates: 21/2/2009 & 22/2/2009

Hares 900th: Leaking Duck, Mr Tinkle (running), Pissalot (walking)

Hares 901st: Little Boy (cycling), Madam Ovaries (passenger)

Run Report:  Blah Blah

A Cyclical Swim

And the pack sweated as it boarded the truck in the blazing sun and cried out to the GM in their despair “oh where is this much promised pool and bbq for we desire it s,.” to which he replied in a kindly voice,  “Stop whinging you ungrateful bastards, the pool is but nearby.” And the pack saw it was so and were glad [Hops 13:16]

The pack hesitated as it pondered its fate, for its collective head did throbeth from the day prior.  “Fear not,” cried the hare, “for I haveth a fleet of wheeled conveyances.” And the pack did collapse into the cyclos, though some were still beer addled and found themselves cycling instead.  [Hangover 4:02]

They say the path to enlightenment is not a short one, and accordingly the drive to the Buddhist centre under construction out near Banteay Daek was one that must have been illuminating indeed.  After many a twist and turn and a constant “are we there yet?” from our illustrious RA, Flaccido Domingo, we arrived at the centre.

It was indeed a different run.  How two of the least reverent members of the hash found themselves weaving amongst temples and bridges was beyond the ken of the pack.  The theory that they were closet Buddhist monks wasn’t even raised.  None-the-less they managed it and it was a pleasant run indeed with Milky Discharge showing particular interest in the diorama and Hold ‘Em enjoying the friezes under construction at another temple site.

The pack was hot, however, and all adjourned to Club Evergreen where a large pool and BBQ awaited.  Runs Well, Wanna Cracker and Catwalk Boy got the BBQ started whilst the pack soaked their sore muscles in the pool which was rapidly gathering a surface sheen of Anchor.

Circle was held in the pool with many spurious charges laid.  The Sirens, consisting of Yogi Bra, Love Bite, Suming and Horny Cow were in full swing and Choir Master STD revealed he had indeed been harbouring his wooden instrument all along.

At some stage an outbreak of water polo, hash style, broke out though the only thing agree on was the fact that Dutchie and Check Around were on opposite teams.  Players swapped sides mid play, Yap Yap kept moving the goals and no-one kept score.  A true hash event indeed.

The next day a rather reduced pack staggered to the railway station for the cyclo hang-over run.  Little Boy and Madam Ovary had organised a large gathering of cyclos.  A few hardy hashers placed their cyclo driver in the front seat and adopted the drivers position, however most succumbed to temptation, grabbed a cold can of Anchor, and settled in for the ride.

A trip through Tuol Kork and back to the Japanese bridge saw a couple of close calls however despite the packs best efforts it failed to hit a single car.  Better luck next year.  The half way was at the post office where Yogi Bra (who had been running) realised how foolish such an undertaking was and accepted a ride from the gallant Milky DischargeLisa was determined to cycle her driver (who looked concerned) and Fold ‘Em did her best to lead the pack astray with Laverne, but still managed to find the half way.

As usual the pack went everywhere but the trail yet managed to find their way back due to the powerful lure of beer.  Pipe Organ ran the second half, however Vacuum decline to join him, preferring to berate him from her seat.

The cycle ended at Château Blah Yap where Hold ‘Em took on the job of RA for the day.  Afterwards it was on-on-on to Irrawaddy where Squint Westward happily ordered vegetarian to no avail and Phlegm and Chick Pea made a belated entrance yet still found food aplenty.  Rumour has it that it all ended in chocolate……… make of that what you will.

On On!

Posted in Event Hash, Outstanding Haring, Run Report | 2 Comments »

P2H3 Run #899 – St. Valentine’s Castaways

Posted by p2h3hashtrash on February 24, 2009

castaway the-vessels

teamwork rough-turf

bush-whacking blah-blah-and-the-ladies

Date:  15/2/2009

Hares:  Squint Westward, Phlegm (run), Piglet (walk)

Run Report:  Yogi Bra

Don’t follow these men onto a boat.  14 hours on the Mekong brought us to a small, mostly wild island, where GM Blah Blah and Phlegm had to literally haul hashers up a steep embankment onto a savanna.  “This looks like Jurassic Park,” muttered Suming, and all hoped the day would end better than theirs did in that movie.  Hearts: full, broken and arrowed took the place of regular markings, and the hares even threatened us with group hugs at the holds – thankfully no one listened.  Yes, it was day-after-Valentine’s day, and everyone turned up in their finest pinks, except for the hares who had urged us to commit the fashion crime in the first place.

No sooner than the pack took off, did they lose Love Bite and Yogi Bra, who had scrambled down the other side of the embankment after the elusive trail.  When they finally made their way back up to flat land, they were mired in the underbrush, and after a good 20 minutes of bushwhacking and yelling for help, finally emerged covered in bites and scratches.  They launched a queen-sized hissy fit at the hares, who seemed less than concerned.

Phlegm would further sully his gallant reputation by leaving Suming stranded with a sprained ankle later on.  True to form, it was a pretty trail, though the lack of decent footing was a problem for those who like to actually run, or those who value their ankles.

Back aboard the vessels, Wanna Cracker and Two Hands wasted no time stripping down to their bathing suits (underwear) and diving in.  Love Bite covered herself (and anyone who would let her) in therapeutic Mekong mud.  Circle took place on the high seas, as Blah Blah and the hash tossed to and fro on the waves.  Virgins were thrown overboard, spies were tortured, and sinners walked the gangplank, as presided over by RA Flaccido Domingo.  The hares got their payback, though the joke was on us since it took at least twice as long to return to shore.  The boat captain had a large supply of gangster rap and the hash had a large supply of beer, and soon the boat turned into a floating Heart of Darkness, with Blah Blah leading the hoochie dancing.

Many hours later we stumbled off to the on on on, some Indian restaurant that I did not join.

On On!

Posted in Run Report | 5 Comments »

P2H3 Run #898 – Afternoon Delight with Blah Blah

Posted by p2h3hashtrash on February 17, 2009

trail the-lone-phlegm

circle-jerks lion-dance

Date:  8/2/2009

Hare:  Blah Blah

Run Report:  Yogi Bra

Staring Blah Blah in a role he’s played to acclaim in the past.

HE GM Blah Blah likes to please everyone.  As GM he feels responsible for the poor souls who show up to hash, and tries his best to please everyone.  He makes a trail that’s long and hard enough for the FRBs, but not too long and hard for the slower runners.  He takes you through a variety of turf, rice fields, forest, villages, roads, bridges, tunnels, etc.  He even makes sure the vicious neighborhood dogs get their daily exercise by chasing us.

Horny Cow and Yogi Bra led the pack and were quickly joined by the usual FRB suspects of Runs Well, Milky Discharge, Hold ’em, Dutchie, Andre, Karl, Dusty, and Weed. Jeremie’s been running better lately, slowed only by his love of photographing us.  Quelle voyeur.  At the half-way hashers huddled in the narrow strip of shade offered by the truck, and compared sweat marks.

Phlegm started strong then faded.  Literally faded, no one saw any trace of him after first 2 kms.  Apparently he got distracted by a lovely patch of scenery on a hold and decided to follow it instead of the trail.  He turned back up in time for circle.

GM Blah Blah convened circle, and soon gave way to co-star and AGM Milky DischargeMilky runs circle like a public-access t.v. talk show, initiating small, arcane conversations with each participant that involve bad puns or quirky anecdotes.  He dispensed with the virgins, foreign spies, and SuMing, Paddington Bra, Madame Ovary, who were celebrating anniversaries.

Evil villain RA Flaccido Domingo stole the show, castigating the likes of: Herring Choker who was too hung over to stand, much less run; Wanna Cracker for pulling a Fester and finished on moto-back; Weed, did run in hippie sandals (though he beat most of us) a foreign spy for sucking in his gut when passing Yogi Bra; Hold’ em for (ahem)-blocking Dusty as he attempts to hit on virgins.

Blah Blah concluded circle with some NATO business, and we were all free to go to the on on on at Tell Restaurant, for Schnitzel and Hefeweitzen.

Posted in Run Report | 6 Comments »

P2H3 Run #897 – The Three Sirens

Posted by p2h3hashtrash on February 3, 2009

three-sirens runners

walkers blitzkreig-hits-the-wall

welcome-in-and-vacuum sunset

Date:  1/2/2009

Hares:  Yogi Bra, Love Bite, Thong Flasher (run) Botticelli (walk)

Run Report:  1st Yogi Bra, 2nd Phlegm

Yogi’s Report:

“Best trail ever”.  That’s what they were saying.  At least I think that’s what they were saying, hard to make out amidst the huffing and panting.  Those who couldn’t speak were too awestruck by the awesomeness that was the trail.  Blah Blah once told me hares shouldn’t write their own run report; now I think I know why.

But I digress. Love Bite, The Thong Flasher, and Yogi Bra, three of the luscious, lovely, leggy ladies of the P2H3 were responsible for all the glory.  They spent countless minutes and drops of paint the day before, only to have their glorious creation shunned and misunderstood.  The hares were most perplexed that hashers could not decipher their brilliant, clear arrows and scribbled out Xes.  We marked the trail in eye-catching red, though if you weren’t listening when we announced it, like Herring Choker, or were color-blind, like Little Boy, this proved problematic.  Even then you should’ve been able to figure out the general route after Love Bite announced that the half-way was at a big pagoda.

Something was in the air, as many wayward hashers reappeared, including STD, sporting a manly goatee, though he walked with the gals, and Little Boy, who hasn’t been spied in quite some time.  The same mysterious circumstances stranded Flaccido, who is spied all too often.

At first it appeared that the hares had lost their own trail, but it was all part of their master plan.  Yes, the cunning stunts of the hares left many a hasher wondering if the truck had left them at the right spot.  The siren song proved too much for mere mortal Dusty, who was lured by Yogi Bra down a random path that somehow met up with the correct trail, don’t ask how.  More problems ensued:  it’s possible the hares ran into giant, impassable swamps and had to draw arrows, pointing in all directions in order to lead the hash through dry turf.  It’s also possible there was a long stretch of trail that involved scaling a brick wall, that the hares abandoned in good sense, but was nonetheless unearthed and scaled by the likes of Blah Blah, Blitzkrieg, and several poor walkers.

FRBs:  Herring Choker, Phlegm, Wanna Cracker, Andre, Dusty, Dutchie, and Some random white guy all forged so far ahead that they beat the truck to the half-way point.  Had they stuck around they would’ve heard the instructions to hold at the nunnery, but instead they plowed through the rest of the trail and were lounging by the truck a good half-hour before the rest of us turned up.  Runs Well, Hold ‘Em and Karl stuck with the pack and were left to carry the FRB mantle.

Walkers:  Have to say I’ve never given them a moment’s thought.  Thankfully Love Bite was more sensitive and sent them on a lovely path.  Thong Flasher and Yogi Bra couldn’t have cared less where they trotted, though we felt guilty later when several of them disappeared.

Circle:  When the last stray walkers ambled up, GM Blah Blah convened circle.  The hares (renamed the Three Stooges by Blah Blah) were toasted, and serenaded by Choirmaster STD. Andre and Karl celebrated10 runs, foreign spies Skywalker from South Korea and (help me) Rhonda from Darwin were welcomed along with the many returnees and Netherlandish virgins.

Love Bite was called upon to assume RA duties, and spared no one, to the point where we ran out of potties.  Funny, the hares were spared despite being hopelessly lost for half of their trail, and Botticelli should’ve been brought in for losing a few of her charges.

Thida and Souny, were given the names of Welcome In and Vacuum, respectively, and a few hearty souls joined Love Bite and Yogi Bra at Sovanna BBQ for the on on on.

On on!

Phlegm’s Report :

Welcome in Vacuum !

We started again at 2H30PM precisely with STD. First H of the year for him or first time he could join the H on time?

I left with Blah Blah because it is easier to prepare the stats in his lovely air-conditioning car. Unfortunately, Blitzkrieg was there also and he is a furious AK47 speaking machine. If you have to be concentrate with figures (57 runners with 8 returnees including Sir Walter, 7 Virgins, 2 Foreign spies from South Korea and Darwin + 2 anniversaroids [Karl W. and Andre S.), try to avoid Blitzkrieg. On the other hand, if you have to go for a long journey, I warmly advise you to invite him. You will never sleep!

We lost the first hasher after 10 minutes driving in Bang Keng Kong. English Muffin said he was sick (yes 60 hashers in two trucks just after lunch, it’s hard!). And we lost Flaccido Domingo 2 min later because he missed the appointment at the Japanese Embassy (Sunday’s siesta, it’s finished since 2009 man!)

After 25 minutes of German speech in the car, Blah Blah and Yap Yap tried to say one word. We tried to find new naming for Thida and Souny with 33 and 59 runs respectively. Herring Choker‘s girlfriend, owner of Velkommen Inn had her name already. Pipe Organ’s wife was more complicated but Vacuum was proposed in order to balance out all the blowing coming from her husband.

The run was set after Monivong bridge, 10K on the right along the Tonle Bassac in front of a pagoda. Exactly the same place one year ago when we watched the Chinese new year show. Love Bite explained the walk to Botticelli in a record time of seven seconds with her foot on the ground. She said that the half way was on the left. The shortcutters thank her and we left with Yogi Bra and Thong Cheese Flasher the two other hares.

The pack had been lost quite quickly. In fact, with red marks on the green grass it was not easy especially for Little Boy who is colour blind. Moreover, the mango leaves are red in this season and many other things were similar to red marks including Alain Delon cigarettes packet. To conclude, it was a mess and after 15 minutes, the pack was everywhere. But the Front Running Bastards (FRB) with Runswell, Dutchie, Herring Choker and Wanna Cracker found something red or pink. I tried to follow them with the French Claire and the returnee Weed. We ran a long dusty road until a pagoda and then another super long dusty road without any pagoda and we finished with an extra super long way in the gardens.

So, it was no half way for the courageous FRBs. The pack arrived 20 min later and the Down Downs started with GM Blah Blah. First, he tried to impress the Virgins, but it didn’t work and so he tried the Returnee Qudy and the sexy Foreign Spy Skywalker. With STD as choir master and Love Bite as Religious advisor the down downs continued friendly to the climax which was undoubtedly the new naming. Welcome In & Vacuum had been baptized with Love Bite for ever. Amen.

Posted in Run Report | 3 Comments »