P2H3 Hash Trash Blog

The Muscle Wine Drinking Club With a Slimy Dyke Problem

Run #954 – Return of the Beast

Posted by p2h3hashtrash on January 25, 2010

Date : 24/1/10

Hare:  Runs Well, Ponleu Seng, Wannacracker (running), Sarsy (walking)

Run Report:  Blah Blah

And amongst the dust and heat the pack did cometh upon an irrigation ditch, where upon they met a coconut palm trunk for crossing.  Yet all did not cross with ease, and much splashing ensued.  And the pack did giggle at the discomfort of many of their number. [Malt 3:04]

From the depths of myth and time, we bring you a creature so horrible that locals fear to speak its name.  A curse, so terrible that even the sickest of Hollywood’s B-Grade horror movie cadre cannot bring themselves to think upon it.  Dogs tremble at its passing, trees wither in its wake whilst clean shirts mysteriously disappear from clothes lines.  I bring you, return of …….the Festering Chronic Masturbator! (insert scream here).

To counter this horrid, horrid threat upon all honest job seekers everywhere, the Scottish creature killers were summoned.  From the depths of Bulgaria, fresh from hunting sewer covered vampires, we bring you Abraham “Long Shanks” Van Helsing and from the mummy infested alleys of Quito we bring you Sir “Beowulf” Walter.  Drawing upon the powers of Robbie Burns they hatched a cunning plan and laid many a trap.

The first attempt was a preemptive strike by Sarsy, who tried to confuse the creature with his directions to the run site in Kandal Steung.  Unfortunately the rest of the pack was also confounded by his instructions.  Fortunately for the pack the truck driver was unable to understand English and hence remained clear as to where he was going.

The second attempt was to drown the creature by ensuring the hares crossed an irrigation ditch on a broken coconut palm trunk.  Unfortunately the trap was a little too enthusiastically set and they managed to catch Flock Ewe and Rasta Fairy instead and almost had  spectacular trapping of Yogi Bra who was caught by Wannacracker whilst pin-wheeling her arms and heading in a decidedly backwards, gravity assisted, direction.  In the end Long shanks set the trap off himself and Sir Walter decided he was going to forgoe the entire thing and join the walk.  Scoutmaster decided enough was enough, hitched up his shorts and waded through the ditch.

The next attempt to kill the beast was via the offering of a short –cut in an attempt to recreate the highly successful strategy of Mr Tinkle from the week prior.  Alas the beast spotted in the distance the voluptuous form of Flaccido Domingo and in his lust for employment, took off in pursuit, thus being led by Sarsy and his unwitting band of merry walkers to the half-way.

By now Fester, confidence somewhat shattered from the week prior, gave the whole thing up as an enterprise gone sour and joined Welcome In on the truck for a trip back to the finish.

The final attempt to finish off the monstrosity was made by the ever gallant GM Scoutmaster, who attempted to freeze the beast on a block of ice.  Apparently the plan also involved getting STD as drunk as possible, though how a wildly wielded wooden phallus fit into the scheme remains unclear.  However the beast appeared impervious to the ice despite Mr Tinkle testing it immediately prior to confirm it was indeed rather cold.

But alas as the sun set and the pack headed for Irrawaddy a low moan could be heard from the front of the truck where the beast had secreted itself.  And if one strained one could almost make out the words on the edge of hearing, “anyone gotta job?”

On On


2 Responses to “Run #954 – Return of the Beast”

  1. Milky Discharge said

    Sounds like another spectacular run. We still have a hole in our hearts come every Sunday afternoon and we’re not on some death-trap truck off to God-knows-where with a bunch of drunken a-holes (you guys). Boy we miss it!!

  2. Flying Plod said

    Great to hear about Festers resurrection – long live the fester

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