P2H3 Hash Trash Blog

The Muscle Wine Drinking Club With a Slimy Dyke Problem

Run #957 – Valentiger

Posted by p2h3hashtrash on February 15, 2010

Date : 14/2/10

Hare:  Scoutmaster (running), Little Boy (walking)

Run Report:  Blah Blah

And the harriete did gaze upon the naked torsos of the pack as they frolicked amongst the waters and was but amazed that such grotesque forms could but finish the 16km run.  For she knew not the commanding pull of the promise of beer that afflicted them thus, and knew not that this transcended the laws of physics declared by men mere mortal. [Malt 3:15]

It’s Valentine’s Day and Year of the Tiger all thrown together.  And the result of this bizarre concoction;  tough love.  And it started tough indeed with Little Willy and Yogi Bra being usurped from the hare line by the sheer momentum of Little Boy and a gem of an idea (at least this is Scoutmaster’s claim).  This doesn’t quite compare with the hare raiser of years past which had Blah Blah and Phlegm laying different trails on the same day however it comes close.

So what is tough love?  Is it Herring Choker deciding to join the walkers at the 7km stage?  Is it STD’s sense of humour going straight at a check whilst he went left?  Is it Eager Beaver and Toxic Flop pushing into the unknown, leaving the struggling pack to slog it out alone?  Is it Botticelli and Hit on Me being denied a half time drink along with the rest of the walkers?  Is it Ouk Bunyeang heading off towards the Tonlé Bassac never to be seen again?  Is it even a straight, dusty 12km first half?

No, tough love is having the halfway at the Tiger brewery…….. and not letting us go in.  Oh the cruelty, oh the humanity.  Never has a Somali warlord, Afghan Taliban commander nor Khmer dentist shown such wanton disdain for the fragile human souls under his care.  Flaccido Domingo broke down, clawing at the gates that would not yield .  Wannacracker sat it a dull stupor, eyes blank as he gazed unto horrors only known to himself.  Chicken Little sobbed quietly as she sat with her arms wrapped around an empty Anchor can, bemoaning what might have been.  Fair skinned John lay on the ground staring at the sun, seeking oblivion in the ultimate tan.

The lesson that this tough love was meant to convey remains strangely obscure and one cannot help but surmise that it was a vindictive act of sadomasochism.  The trail shouted to the world, “I’m going down and you bastards are coming with me.”  The lesson is thus the GM is always right, especially when he’s wrong.

Just to add insult to injury, it was at this point that Fester, who’d taken the truck to the halfway, decided to join for the remaining 4km or so home.  Not only did he find himself in the middle of a weary pack, he still hailed a motodop in order to pass the FRB’s.  There was ice.

Eventually the dusty and decidedly weary runners made it back to the La Luxe Fleur where a swimming pool awaited which was already full of relaxed walkers who were full of sympathy for the runners’ plight.  Nancy was looking very relaxed with a fag in hand whilst Pick Me Up was enjoying herself with lascivious glee on the pool’s jet stream.  Tips was seen practicing her breast stroking and Legally Split was, well let’s just say she was enjoying herself shall we.  It was, after all, Valentiger.

The circle was a crescent moon and a number of hashers were punished for trying to turn it back into a circle.  I can’t remember many of the sins however they primarily consisted of being too close to ring in RA Frenchie when he was stuck for ideas.

After some departed however most enjoyed a meal upstairs, which proved too much for Welcome In who promptly fell asleep on Herring Choker.  And as the remaining hashers boarded the truck, Little Boy made one final surge into the pool, cutting through the thin film of scum left behind by dusty hashers like a walrus in search of a clam.  It truly was a sight to stir the most frigid of lonely hearts.

Happy new Valentiger all.

On On

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One Response to “Run #957 – Valentiger”

  1. Cicciolina said

    gosh I find this very confusing!! Hasher talking!

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