P2H3 Run #896 – Are We There Yet?

            

Date:  25/1/2009

Hares: Organ Piper (running), Souny (walking)

Run Report:  Blah Blah

And the hare did declare “do not looketh at yonder cow, for it will become enraged”.  Yet some of the pack could not help but marvel at her beautiful eyelashes and curvaceous thighs and did cast meaningful glances in their lust.  And the cow did chaseth them in her fury, for the suitors were not pleasant to behold. [Hops 13:10]

Koh Tom, which is Sanskrit for ‘almost Vietnam’, was the venue for the run set by the enigmatic French master of organs, Organ Piper.  Organ Piper and Souny have many talents such as ensuring organs are free of sediment and are well blown, and it wasn’t these skills they chose to employ as the pack found itself on the attractive island.

The run itself was divided into two parts.  One consisted of 5% of the run and the other 70-80% depending on when hashers decided to short cut towards the cacophony which marked the start, the finish and the half way (for want of better terminology).

Herring Choker and Dutchie showed some disturbing signs of having been training during the week instead of quaffing and managed to spend much of the hash at the fore.  Milky Discharge also had a slightly disturbing sense of fitness, all the more concerning given his current lack of employment that should provide him with ample couch time to work on his girth.  At least Leaking Duck had the good sense to look hot whilst our foreign spy from Tajikistan, Sleeping Booty, managed somehow to retain that ‘fresh as a Pamir daisy/ deodorant advertisement’ look despite being on flat land for the first time in her life.

There were several encounters of the bovine kind, one of which a virgin bravely defused by batting his eyelashes at the beast which drove it into a frenzy, snapping its rope and charging down the hapless virgin.  Our virgin managed to get clear and hence the day was saved.

The circle at the end of the run was hard work to say the least.  The Chinese New Year party, 20 metres away with the compulsory banks of stacked speakers, meant that GM Blah Blah had to bellow with even greater force than usual.  Still, down downs were managed for the Chinese New Year and Australia Day as well.  RA Flaccido Domingo harangued the hash whilst Hash Cash Leaking Duck stood in as Choir Master.

In all Koh Tom is a pleasant, if distant land.  The pack piled onto the small ferry in such a fashion that a casual observer would think he was in Bangladesh, and off we went into the fading light.  After a quick check of the dual, long-distance fuel tanks held a sufficient level of dead dinosaurs and ferns, the trucks departed for the long trip home and the promise of Québécoise cuisine at Flavours.  And as the sun departed and the trucks rumbled off, the distance echo of the pack hung on the light breeze, “are we there yet?”

HASH FLASH

1. Coming soon (this Sunday, in fact):  Hash Beer Holders!!

Just in time for hot season, be the first on your block to own one for the low, low price of $3, $4 with strap.   Get your Chinese New Year shopping out of the way early, on sale this coming Sunday at Railway Station.  See Yap Yap for details.

2.  Coming relatively soon (Sunday, March 1st):   Kep Half Marathon!!

Just in time for hot season, be the first on your block to sign up for the annual fundraiser hosted by Bridges Across Borders.  There will be a:

10k Bike  Ride Saturday, Feb. 28th, 3:30PM and a

Half Marathon and 10k Run Sunday, Mar. 1st, 6:00AM.

See website:  http://www.babsea.org or Yogi Bra for details.

P2H3 Run #895 – Come Sail Away

Date:  18/01/2009

Hares:  Runs Well and Spillage (run), Laverne (walk)

Run Report:  Milky Discharge

This past Sunday was witness to another glorious day in Phnom Penh, with comfortable temperatures, clear skies, and lingering good spirits after holiday sabbaticals. P2H3 continued with its new departure time of 2:30, stranding unknown dozens of Lonely Planet-toting tourists at the train station, who will undoubtedly besmirch our hard-earned prestige on their stuffy blogs. Hares Spillage and Runs Well directed the mid-sized crowd onto the two trucks, and with a sole private conveyance trailing behind (that of illustrious GM Blah Blah), it left some wondering if there had been some sort of Hash Cultural Revolution purging the bourgeoisie.

The trucks quickly reached the ferry where we left truck No. 1 behind (to guard Blah Blah’s chariot?), as hare Runs Well promised it was a mere few minutes of driving on the other side. The pack enjoyed a scenic ride across the Mekong to Koh Dach, where only after much cajoling, harassment, and physical abuse from Blah Blah was the pack able to crowd onto the single truck.  Hashers amused themselves by playing “how many people am I touching”, “accidentally” bumping into each other, and avoiding awkward conversation by pretending to be immersed in the scenery. With all the dry-fit shirts (only $8 from hash haberdashery), sweat was wicked from one passenger to the next, making it impossible to determine the culprits of the copious odor.

Once at our destination, Blah Blah rounded up the pack with help from overzealous RA Flaccido Domingo: virgins were introduced, ground rules laid, and the pack was off for a promised 7km run. FRBs Simon and Milky Discharge led the pack 100m past the first check, to be quickly turned around by more fastidious hashers (who were summarily re-passed); further checks were cleared at near-record pace. At the second hold the pack was chastised by Fester for not waiting for him at the first hold (at which time he was already behind Laverne). The pack sprinted off on its way, once again leaving Fester with the walkers, after which point he was only seen by villagers and the truck driver on the other side of the ferry.

Near the 5km mark the trail, which had been dry and lumpy from cow tracks, took a turn toward the banks of the Mekong. The pack struggled to find the extra-small marks (this author guesses the whole run was done on a half can of paint from last week), but the path seemed rather straightforward.  After 1km of climbing through barbed wire and tip-toeing around crops, the pack was eager to stretch their legs on the “beach”. However it was soon discovered that the hare had attempted to lead us into quicksand, where one poor walker, Miho-san, ended up buried to her knees in the deceivingly solid-looking mud.

At the 7km mark, Runs Well pointed east and said “the truck is that way, but the (unmarked?) trail goes this way”, and a pack eager to add a few extra km followed the hare north on the unmarked “trail”. The pack continued along to the start to round out a 9.5km run, with several witnessed accounts of unashamed racism, especially between Simon and Horny Cow.

Circle: At the circle virgins were harassed, Anchor smooth was enjoyed, Fester was conspicuously absent, and Simon and Marilu were given the rather tame names of “Hold ’em” and “Fold ’em“.

Flaccido was back to his bible-thumping ways, and he raked the following over the coals: Agrippa the Swede for smoking everywhere:  in circle, on trail, on truck – that he finished the day upright and breathing was miraculous; Flaccido’s friend for supplying the cigarettes; Laverne for losing Fester; Miho-san for falling in mud, and everyone who helped her out; and a crotchety virgin for cow abuse.

The pack crowded back onto the single truck (funny, much roomier without Fester), where aforementioned pastimes were resumed.  We sailed back to town under a beautiful Mekong sunset and were only too thankful to climb back onto the second truck for an on-on-on at Munich Brewery to enjoy Runs Well’s hand crafted beers.

On On!

HASH FLASH

Announcements:

1.  Did you know that the Hash now meets at 2:15PM, and the trucks depart at 2:30PM?  You do now.  Same day, same place.

2.  This live hare thing has been done a few times lately, due to our collective receding hareline.  Step up people, trails don’t set themselves.  Get to know your fellow hashers:  many secrets are shared and bonds forged whilst trail-marking.  Prolonged, direct sunlight, lack of water and paint fumes make perfect conditions for trail-side confessions.  For instance, did you know that SuMing used to be a beach volleyball star in California, or that Flaccido Domingo was in the original lineup of The Kinks?  All fascinating details you will learn through haring.  See Mr. Tinkle to pick a date.

3.  Stay tuned for exciting details on the 900^th Run, fast approaching.

P2H3 Run #894 – LIVE HARES SNARED!

Date:  11/1/2009

Hares:  Runs Well, Simon (run), Flaccido Domingo (walk)

Run Report:  Yogi Bra

Live haring is tricky and should not be attempted by the slow and / or weak and / or incompetent.  Some of us have live-hared quite successfully, and are still basking in the triumph, while others failed miserably and faced shame and nudity.  This time around lightning-fast FRB, brew-master and frequent live-hare Runs Well gallantly volunteered, and Simon stepped up to the plate to co-live-hare the day.  It was a beautiful day and a beautiful run out at Kien Svay.  The trucks played hide-and-seek, losing each other frequently, but eventually pulled up to the bridge where Acting GM Milky Discharge called a quick, traffic-clogged circle.  This week saw the largest contingent of Norwegians ever.  It was also apparently family day, as many youngsters were present.  Those kids are incredibly fast, but tire / grow bored quickly, so should be enticed to check out false trails as much as possible.  Andre tore himself from his tannenbaum and stollen to rejoin the hash, and a few old faces fresh from holiday cheer turned up.

Milky laid out the rules and particulars of the run, then it was over the bridge to pick up the scent.  It was an exciting run, complete with ditches, cliff-scaling, and sand-dune tripping.  The hares managed to set a lengthy course – 10kms in all, not an easy feat.  Due to the large number of holds, plus the large amount of children and Festers slowing down the pack, we thought we’d never catch them.

Dutchie and James, following Yogi Bra on trail after a check around about 7kms in were the first to spot the hares, who were for some reason heading directly towards the pack.  Yogi Bra was hot on their trail until the hares turned up a hill and she quickly gave up.  Some of us have only run in Cambodia and are not familiar with this ‘elevated ground’ business.  Herring Choker and Dusty were close behind and quickly snared the hares.  No one was de-pantsed, and since we had all run a good 8 kilometers or so already, were content to take a quick, easy road back home.

Circle:  Milky Discharge took the reigns and steered the hash through the rodeo that is circle.  Runs Well and Simon were commended – despite getting caught, it was a great run, and they escaped punishment for getting caught.  The lone virgin stood along with the returnees, who included anyone who had been missing for two hashes or more, and anyone who had the gall to head home for the holidays.

On the anniversary front: Flaccido-110, Organ Piper-60, Yogi Bra-30, Dorian-10

A subdued, reflective RA Flaccido beseeched the hash to look inward and confess their sins, or at least take someone else down.  The results: Milky Discharge for long-cutting – he ran the whole 13km trail even after the entire pack had abandoned trail to follow the hares home; Bruce L., and Matthew and for playing mule and rider, respectively, Fester for wading in the water far from trail, and James and Villay for shameless sex on the hash.

Only a few starving souls turned up at Velkommen for the on on on, where they were slammed by Bruce L. for being a bunch of tea-drinking wusses.  Will do better next time.

On On!