Mekong Indochina Full Moon Hash #2.5 – Phnom Penh, 2010

Mekong Indochina Hash – Full Moon or Any Moon Run No. 2½

Hares: Flip Flop, BoBo, STD

Date: 1^st November 2010

Many things wrong here: firstly there was no full moon. It was ¾ moon to be exact, but who’s counting? Maybe the same person who determined that Sunday’s run was the P2H3’s 1,000^th when it wasn’t. Secondly, the organisers of this little event had decided that, in order to not to confuse Hashers with unnecessary details, information about the event was to be given out on a need-to-know basis. However, since they forgot to tell anybody that it was on, not many people were making enquiries!

Those who managed to remember what, when, where, and why dutifully turned up at Velkommen Inn on Monday evening where the confusion continued. Hordes of Hashers emerged out of the woodwork; many more than expected. We even had a virgin turn up –  impressive for a run that was only advertised two days prior and then only to Hashers at the run site. STD made frantic phone calls to the boat driver and the On On On proprietor to make sure they could handle the crush. They couldn’t. Amid the confusion, a nest of maggots that had found cozy refuge in Rocks Off’s shoes decided to hatch, sending a flurry of tiny insects scattering across the floor of the soon-to-be-condemned restaurant. Sorry about that Herring Choker! The rest of the Hash watched in amusement as the staff tried to stamp out the little critters, whilst quietly cancelling their food orders.

Then the rain clouds came. Our boat trip was looking less and less delightful, but in the absence of other choices the order was given by disorganizers Flip Flop, BoBo, and STD to hit the high seas, so off the Hashers went. The Gods were clearly smiling upon us, as the boat trip and scramble up the opposite river bank to Snow’s bar were mercifully uneventful. Upon hitting the eclectic, welcoming bar and in the presence of so much beer, there was excited chatter about skipping the run altogether. But cooler, more sober heads (BoBo’s) prevailed, and we bid tearful adieu to Snow in order to run around dangerous streets and filthy alleys in the pitch dark. Who came up with this idea in the first place? Also, since only three of the 50 or so Hashers remembered to bring a torch, there was little chance to avoid disaster.

The age-old question of spray paint vs. flour was put to the test. Unfortunately no one remembers the answer. STD stuck with old, white, toxic faithful, while BoBo, in the absence of his preferred shreddie, opted for the environmentally friendly white stuff. Considering how lost the pack was, it’s safe to say neither worked like a charm. Cooler weather made for a fast-moving pack, which proved a bitch when the Runners were off trail and had to trek back long distances to where the Hares were patiently waiting, wondering when they would notice that the Hares hadn’t actually moved from the Check. First casualty was Herring Choker, who abandoned trail 500 meters along to rejoin Snow at the bar. Smart man!

The rest galloped along, panting and frothing at the mouth. After several false turns and long digressions, they finally veered off the road and into interior Chroy Changva, and the ancestral homeland of venerable Hasher Check Around. A quick jaunt through his property, including a scramble over a low wall was quite shitty, literally. Overheard:

Virgin “this place smells like shit.”

Leaking Duck “there’s a good reason for that.”

After leaving the heart of darkness (the aforementioned shit-smelling abode-to-be of Check Around) the Runners continued eastward and reached the glare of a well-lit road – whereupon one bearded Runner (name unknown) stumbled over a pebble and tumbled head first into the tarmac. Go figure! He was to repeat this exercise at least once more so one assumes that he had spent a little too long hydrating in the bar prior to the run. And so the Runners muddled along. The lack of visibility of the marks ensured that at least one loop was missed by the pack but there didn’t seem to have been any complaints on that score! A visit to a brand new 20 story high-rise apartment block was not high on their priority list although both STD and Flip Flop had insisted that a thorough recce of this building was required when setting the run. Luckily the Hashers missed the trail leading up the 20 flights of stairs to the rooftop viewpoint!

Local Hasher, Blah Blah, was caught out at the second to last Check when he went straight ahead rather than turning left to go down to Snow’s. One would have thought that he would have known better but he was saved from a fate worse than death, or at least a very long run Home, by one of BoBo’s clear False Trail mark laid in flour.

The On Home was just a straight run for about 1.3 km along a mixture of paved and dirt roads. BoBo was glad to see that his final Check, laid just metres away from Snow’s bar caught out at least three of the FRBs, including his fellow Yangon Hasher, Gigolo Joe. They turned right and followed his trail of flour until they realised that they were off flour – the only part of the trail where a False Trail mark had not been laid.

Somehow all ended up back at Snow’s.

 

Full Moon Trail (scale 1:20,000 or 4 cm = 1 km)

[Trail in yellow was the trail taken on the night. The one in red is the trail taken by the Hares while laying the run and False Trails earlier in the day]

After the Hash cooled down from the run with too many beers and too few waters, blocks of ice were brought forth and BoBo kicked off the circle in grand fashion, with Joint Venture as his enticing beer bitch.

Circle:

The Hares were iced and toasted. Herring Choker gave a glowing run report, but that may have been the aquavit talking.

First time Full Mooners fought over seats on the ice.

BoBo announced that the non beer drinkers had the opportunity to do their Down Downs with some hideous local hooch that was given the name Mr Muscles due to the picture of a ripped body-builder on the front of the bottle. Perfect for those of a gay bent!

Danes had to drink. Yanks had to drink. Aussies had to drink. The 2 virgins were sullied, one on STDs lap. One must take a moment of pity for the ice, which saw more ass than a toilet seat. Plug Her was elected ‘ball tester’ to gage whose was biggest, a role she seemed born to play. Even Yap Yap was drunk, an occurrence probably not seen since her wedding night.

Those geographically challenged at the last Check were given a beer to ease their pain.

The man who succeeded in tripping over his own feet was similarly anaesthetized.

Those who took part in the previous Full Moon Hash in Yangon drank – if they could remember that far back!

After gawking in horror at the ritual taking place in his bar, Snow eventually got into the action, and was iced as well.

Charges from the Circle were requested and received in droves. The Circle dissolved into utter carnage, there was ice, beer and Mr. Muscles all over the floor and not a few Hashers ready to pass out.

Finally we all piled on the boat which ferried us safe and sound to Velkommen Inn to continue our quest to make sure the beer population of Cambodia doesn’t get out of hand. T-shirts were doled out to those who earned them by signing up early.

Note: BoBo finally got his T-shirt!

A Brief (not at all) History of the Indochina Full Moon Hash

Author:  Bobo, GM, YH3

Some background information on this timeless tradition may be useful (or not as the case may be but you are going to get it anyway). The genesis of this run started way back in the mists of time when dinosaurs still roamed the planet – like Phlegm. Shortly before the dawn of mankind, a group of proto-hominids, known as Hashers, visited Siem Reap for the 7^th Mekong Indochina Hash. After completing a run around the temples of Angkor Wat, the Hashers assembled on a dusty plain to observe arcane rituals, which were supervised by their High Priest, Flip Flop (see picture).
Sometime after darkness fell, Flip Flop espied the moon and he determined that his congregation were sufficiently purified that they could go and eat and drink and make merry. So he dismissed them with a cheery injunction to “Get on the damn busses and go home!” The crowd instantly dispersed and got on the damn busses – but then Hash planning made itself felt. The busses were parked on a plain that consisted of something close to quicksand. Any attempt to move the busses after they had sat there for several hours only resulted in them getting further bogged down. The few busses that were free to move were used to try and pull out the ones mired in the bog. Result: you guessed it – more busses bogged down up to the axles in shiggy.

Net result was that many a Hasher had to trek out to the road and flag down a passing tuk tuk/ moto/taxi/bicycle with padded rear luggage rack, etc. Result: lots of happy Khmers making dollars from desperados The beer truck finally left (but not before beers had been safely stowed in backpacks for what looked like being a long walk home!) and during the ensuing mass exodus BoBo ventured to Flip Flop that they should call it the inaugural Mekong Indochina Full Moon Hash and that the event was worthy of a special T-shirt. Flip Flop agreed and a roll-call was taken to record for posterity those who took part. 23 names were recorded and 16 of them were drunk enough to part with cash there and then in return for a promise of an exclusive T-shirt. Flip Flop took the money off the gullible and promised that a special edition T-shirt would be promptly put in the post and would most likely be waiting on the Hashers doorsteps before they even got home.

A month or so later, when BoBo noted that his doorstep remained free of Hasherdabbery, he made a casual enquiry to Flip Flop to find out what progress he had made. “None,” was the answer but it did prompt Flip Flop to come up with a design (which looks strangely similar to the one dished out in Phnom Penh in 2010!). In true Flip Flop Hash fashion he then tried to pass on all responsibility for further enhancements to BoBo, who politely declined.

And there, dear reader, the ball stopped rolling. The 16 Hashers who invested their hard-earned cash in T-shirt futures, got burned and so endeth Run No. ½.

Fast forward the clock from the Cretaceous Period (ca. 2004) to 2009 when the Mekong Indochina Hash visited Yangon and turned back its watch by 30 years. BoBo was still waiting for his T-shirt from Flip Flop but had come to realise that if he wanted a Mekong Indochina Full Moon Hash T-shirt he would have to make one himself. This he decided to do and so he announced Run 1½ and persuaded 80-odd souls to take a run around the Shwedagon, through monasteries and ancient bamboo groves in the middle of downtown Yangon and to get bombarded with missiles hurled by the irate abbot of a religious establishment who took umbrage at Hashers disturbing the peace and tranquility of his little empire. Apart from some slight injuries to the leg of Yogi Bra, the Hash otherwise went off without incident and it was adjudged by all and sundry as being a bloody good run and perhaps better than the regular weekend runs. All who took part were presented with a lovely bespoke T-shirt – and it looked nothing like the design that Flip Flop had sent to BoBo five years earlier!

Fast forward another year and BoBo found out that Flip Flop was again in residence in Phnom Penh after a long sojourn to Australia, Africa and elsewhere. “Where’s my T-shirt?” enquired BoBo. Flip Flop’s replies were akin to those that would have been sent by a frightened rabbit caught in the headlights – if only rabbits could write (and it’s arguable whether Flip Flop can write – well write anything other than technogeek). BoBo suggested that things could be remedied if another Full moon Run was organised. Easy!

To cut a very long story short, Flip Flop agreed to produce a T-shirt if BoBo would help to Hare a run and produce a design. Done deal said BoBo. He instantly mailed back the (unproduced) design for the Siem Reap Run. However, since he didn’t know diddly squat about Phnom Penh, he asked for some help on the run-setting front and so Flip Flop volunteered the services of STD. That’s delegation for you. He must be an excellent manager in the real world. So, after running around the countryside of Phnom Penh for two days, BoBo found himself having breakfast with STD and Flip Flop on Monday morning and was gratified to hear that all was under control – well all except the fact that the T-shirts had not yet been printed, that the route of the Hash had not been decided upon and the method of marking the trail had not even been thought about. Thus Run No. 2 ½ started in the manner in which it meant to continue!

However, planning of a sort had in fact started a couple of days previously. BoBo remarked to Flip Flop that it might help if an announcement was made at the Circle at the end of the Saturday Hash to let people know that there would be a “Special Run” on Monday. This seemed to resonate with Flip Flop but unfortunately the hurried cold and wet Circle on the boat wasn’t an ideal venue to make such an announcement and so BoBo put Plan B into action. Enlist the services of a good-looking Harriette!

Yogi Bra’s fervent attempt to collect money for this thing on Saturday evening, when all were well and drunk, resulted in a huge influx of cash and a huge lack of comprehension over what exactly one would get for one’s $5 contribution. In truth, the lack of comprehension extended to the Hares, who, at their Monday morning pre-trail-laying breakfast meeting, wondered how many slabs of beer they needed to steal in order to satisfy the thirsts of everyone that threatened to show up.

Will anyone figure out what the hell is going on?  Stay tuned for the actual run report…

On On!

INTER MEKONG HASH 2010 – PHNOM PENH

Phnom Penh narrowly avoids disaster as they attempt to mismanage the hash hordes invading their fair countryside.  No one lost a leg.  No one died.  So our petty, insignificant screw-ups really look quite small, comparatively.

After a lengthy hiatus, hash trash is back with a vengence.  Please see in the following order:  1. IMH3 report by our beloved Short Time, who, true to name, has already fled the country.  2.  History of the Annual Full Moon Hash, complete with table of contents, index and glossary by uber-hash trasher and GM of the YH3, Bobo.  3.  Actual Phnom Penh Full Moon Hash 2010, which in true hash fasion,  took place during a waning crescent moon.  Please read and enjoy.

Love,

Yogi Bra

 

Indochina Mekong Hash 2010 – P2H3 1,000 run – Full Moon Hash
Hares – Herring Choker,Blah Blah,Yap Yap,Yogi Bra,Ikea,Runs Well and Wanna Cracker
Dates – October 30 – November 1
Run Report – Short Time

Overheard by a foreign hasher on his first trip to Cambodia, stepping onto the shore of Koh Dach – “Are there active land mines here?”

A veteran P2H3 hasher replied, “Nah, after you …”
Day 1:
The Indochina Mekong Hash weekend began with a registration party at Sharkys Bar & Restaurant where ice cold Anchor Beer and a barbecue dinner was served. Hashers were given goodie bags with shirts, a hat and a map of the host city. A new friend was made by all, Schubert, our host representing the Anchor Brewery.

Schubert is the kind of guy who is your best friend at night as beer is flowing. You thank God for individuals like him, who make this brew for alcoholics, I mean hashers. But the next morning Schubert’s popularity takes a severe hit when bloodshot eyes open and aspirin bottles are fumbled for. Fortunately, this was a weekend event and upon returning for the actual run, several large coolers filled with Anchor awaited. Schubert was once again, the man.
Day 2:

The Indochina Mekong Hash began under cloudy skies, intermittent rain with a sail up the Mekong River to Koh Dach. A 18 km and 12 km run awaited, along with an 8 km walk circuiting the island, famous for its silk products. Perhaps the happiest people on this chilly, rainy day were all the silk sellers who found 225 hashers, rather than the usual 30 P2H3 hashers they are used to seeing. After the run, hashers were buying scarves to keep warm and they shivered under windy, rainy conditions.

P2H3 GM Sarsy convened a circle on the boat, with Scoutmaster leading the group in “Our Lager …” while sailing back to Phnom Penh. Hashers from the various foreign kennels were recognized over the course of these two days. Although it was difficult to determine which kennel sent the most hashers, one thing was clear this day, “Hammersley takes it up the ass, do dah, do dah.”

After the Indochina run, dinner was held at the Hotel Cambodiana where the two moments of excitement seemed to be confusion over what time food was to be served and the disappearance of 30 liters of wine, the latter obviously being more important. Once the wine was located, it disappeared again within an hour.
Day 3 (oy, still going):

Morning dawned, the rain stopped and hashers rode on eight trucks to Kambol, where the 1,000 run of P2H3 was held. Kambol is a fun park, with go karts, a barbecue pit and swimming pool. But the real attraction in this area is the military shooting range located just a kilometer or so down the road.

In Cambodia, there is a lot of military surplus from years of involvement in various wars, dating from the 1960s to 1979. Customers have the opportunity to fire weapons ranging from pistols to machine guns to rocket propelled grenade launchers. Prices increase as ammunition gets bigger.

But what fun is shooting without a target? The military sells targets that include traditional bulls-eyes to old jeeps, even live chickens and cows are reputedly offered. Fortunately, our hares for the day laid a course in the opposite direction of the range, through rice paddies, past Buddhist temples, an old graveyard, and of course, the signature of a true Phnom Penh hash, grazing cows and cow shit.

Flip Flop served as RA for the circle after the run. The two newest members of the Phnom Penh hash were named. A lovely, young virgin, who was very embarrassed and didn’t want to stand in front of the 200+ person circle, opened the door for the name “Doesn’t want to cum.” Luckily, her brother was close at hand to escort her into the middle of the group. He also earned a name based on his action “Cums with his sister.”

Barbecue was eaten. Hashers were thrown into the pool. Anchor was drunk. But probably the highlight were the many different songs that were sung. “A Gay Caballero” along with “Me no likey British sailor, Yankee pay 5 dollar more” were amongst the highlights.
Mini circles formed after the main circle ended. And singing continued back to Phnom Penh on the trucks. The On On On was held at Velkommen Inn ,the hash bar on street 104.

Day 4 (Christ, not this again):

Day 4 saw a reduction in the number of hashers and also the length of the run. The hash was held across the river starting and ending at Snowy’s Bar. It was supposed to be a full moon hash, even though the full moon was the week prior and no one could see the moon on an overcast night.

Bobo of the Yangon Hash was made honorary GM. Herring Choker was asked for a run report by Mr. Tinkle. But Herring Choker claimed he got lost 700 meters down the well-lit paved road and luckily was able to find his way back to the bar, and low and behold, 300 cans of beer. Mr. Tinkle accused Herring Choker that he got lost finding the door to get out of the bar.

Everyone got iced in this final circle of the weekend. And as the full moon did not rise on this Monday night, the events of the Indochina Mekong Hash and P2H3 1000 run came to an end.

Lots of  Anchor beer. Lots of running. More important, lots of fun.

On on.