P2H3 Hash Trash Blog

The Muscle Wine Drinking Club With a Slimy Dyke Problem

Archive for July, 2009

P2H3 Run #924 – The Indomitable Blitzie

Posted by p2h3hashtrash on July 28, 2009

run itself view from the top

suckers Blitzkrieg

Date:  26/7/2009

Hares:  Blitzkrieg (run), Abuser (walk)

Run Report:  Milky Discharge

The above picture is a rare shot of a young Blitzkrieg in his early days as a heavy metal rock star.

On a cool afternoon at Phnom Penh Train Station hashers began the usual routine of greeting old friends, single expat women eagerly scouting the group for newly arrived single men, and HE GM Blah Blah loudly recounting the escapades of the weekend. Our hare on this fine day was none other than the remarkable Blitzkrieg.

Now, on the subject of Blitzkrieg, let me say this guy knows how to travel and has some great stories. If you haven’t heard his stories of razor scootering through Japan (“it travels much better than a folding bike on the chikatetsu”) or of climbing Himalayan peaks, you should make it a point to get some of these stories out of him. Because if you don’t, you might be tempted to just consider him a crazy old German dude with buff legs, short shorts, and bad knees who runs slow and likes to take photos.

Blitzkrieg told us we’d head to Phnom Sa-a (out past Takhmao), and we were off. Veteran hashers with an eye for the weather quickly began seeking rides in private vehicles, seats in which were scarce on this moderately-attended-by-bourgeois day (likey due to the GASH hash the day before). The rest of the Hoi Polloi, both the ignorant and the not-so-lucky filed onto the truck. About 15 minutes after departure, the rain started to sprinkle, and then soon after the heavens opened up. Hashers on the truck were pummeled by heavy rains for over half an hour.

Once at the trailhead, the rains had abated, and those riding in private conveyance, including Yogi Bra, Blah Blah, May Not, Check Around, Milky Discharge, and the hare Blitzkrieg, who had traveled to the start in air conditioned comfort proceeded to mock and ridicule Available for her wrinkly fingers, Germinator for her blue hands, and Sarsy, Flaccido Domingo, Dutchie, the returning Long Shanks, and the rest of the shivering pack for their misfortune.

After making introductions with the community’s ambassadors (i.e. roughhousing with the local kids), the pack circled up and were given instructions by Blitzkrieg, including a warning that the runners would get their feet wet, and that there was one on back “after more than 2 on-ons”. So with a blast from the bugle by Milky Discharge, we were off.

The trails on this cool day were beautiful, with lots of shaded single-track. But no shaded single-track comes without twice as much crappy plowed paddy field, and today was no exception. The pack struggled to keep the trail at times, and took many “on-cow” walking breaks. As a side note, the cows of this neighborhood seemed bigger than usual, and were all in good spirits for the most part as they seemed reluctant to spook.

At about the 3km mark, the FRBs – including Runs Well, Wanna Cracker, Dutchie, and Flaccido were called back by the Hare, and instructed that they were not “on”. The fugitive FRBs, however, insisted they must be “on”, and refused the hare’s instruction, to continue on their trail (which was “clearly marked”). The rest of the pack followed the hare to a submerged “bridge”, where Milky Discharge, Available, Yogi Bra, and Sarsy decided that wet shoes could be avoided with a “quick” backtrack to a previously spotted bridge. The backtrack turned out to be about a half kilometer back, so despite a picturesque hold at an aging sala, the pack was gone by the time the wet-shoe/leech-phobic backtrackers had arrived (but with dry shoes). At the same time, the renegade FRB hashers were making their way back to the true trail after their insistence they had been “on” the whole time – they learned the hard way that sometimes when the hare is giving instructions prior to the run that the instructions are in fact pertinent to the run (go figure!).

After being reunited, the pack made their way to Phnom Sa-a where those of them not too lazy to make the 2 minute stair climb to the top were treated to beautiful views of the Phnom Penh floodplain. Some lazy bastards decided to make the run an “A to B” and rode the truck back to the start from this halfway, most notably GM Blah Blah who was reportedly faking an ankle injury to avoid having to run. The rest of the pack made it a sprint back to the trailhead and finished with about 11.5 km on the day.

At the circle, Dutchie was given the name Toxic Flop, due to an incident involving a jellyfish, urine, and some fellow hashers. Married couple Gabriel and Annalise, celebrating their 20th anneverseroid on that day, were given the names “Loan Shark” (he works in microfinance) and “Cheap Date” (she’s married to the bongthom but according to rumors and an article in the Post he’s an insufferable miser). GM Blah Blah concluded the circle with admonition to the pack to consider running for office in the upcoming erections, or at least to attend the erections so you can avoid being erected in absentia (just like Cambodian court convictions).

On the way home, the sunset was marvelous and the hashers on the truck were treated to rural Cambodia’s finest views and weather, enjoying cold Anchors as they plodded back to the city. Just outside Takhmao, the truck was stopped as we waited for the premier’s motorcade to return his Excellency to his fortress (the site of a Darwin Award worthy cigarette-lighter-to-check-the-fuel-in-the-tank-of-a-missle-filled-truck-explosion a few weeks prior). The truck eventually proceeded back to town where the On On On was held at Irriwaddy restaurant, and a fine time was had by all.

On On to free and fair democracy in Cambodia!

Advertisements

Posted in Run Report | 2 Comments »

P2H3 Run #922 – Farewell Tokyo Joe

Posted by p2h3hashtrash on July 21, 2009

FRB hustle man in tree

hare today Fere well to Joe

Date:  12/7/2009

Hares:  Blah Blah (run), Hit on Me (walk)

Run Report:  Yogi Bra

This hash occurred the week before last.  This report will contain all I can remember, which is not much.

GM Blah Blah had 3 days notice for his haring duties, plus had hared the red dress run the day before, but still managed to pull off a great run.  Unfortunately any praise he received was drowned out by his own frequent commenting about how he only had 3 days notice and had hared the red dress run the day before.

In the non-stop pissing contest for FRB mantle, the field was quite crowded.  Representing Australia was Karl and Blah Blah, the Khmer menace of Runswell was a threat as always, and the Dutchies Dinus and Ferdinand have made a decent showing lately, the first being super fast and the other tall enough to bound past most anything / anyone.  If not for his pausing to munch leaves from high tree branches he would surely take the crown each run.  However we were blessed / plagued with two foreign spies from Bangkok, CouCou and Son of Bitch, who made a strong showing and gave everyone a run for their aussie dollars / riel / guilders.

The trail was like a four-leafed clover as we kept circling around with somehow never back tracking on ourselves.  At the first hold Dinus arrived first and was lounging in a hammock between two trees.  On further inspection we discovered a young Khmer boy high in a tree, undoubtedly terrified of this sweaty thing that had turned up.  Last time we were in this area we were followed by a pack of children who got lost and had to be escorted home.  Luckily for them this time we were obviously too boring or smelly and they kept their distance.

The day was not without strife, however. Just when all thought they were safe, a quick trip to the woods for a tinkle found CouCou and Ferdinand snared by some barbed wire requiring excavation of the hash crash kit, which, like the men’s legs, was a bloody mess.

RA Flaccido Domingo was called in and punished for the sudden and unexpected appearance of a wife and two children, who nobody knew about.  If anyone else is hiding any spouses or offspring now is the time to come clean.

An English virgin had to drink from his shoe at the behest of Leaking Duck, for reasons I don’t remember, but for him it was probably an improvement of the tastes he’s used to from his mother country.

The hash bid a sad farewell to Ferdinand and Tokyo Joe who is departing these fair shores to introduce croquet, pub quiz, and Dengue to the citizens of Albania.  Poor Albania.

Through some perverse wonder of physics the truck arrived at Burmese restaurant Irriwaddy the same time as the Blah-mobile, and the ruling military junta of the hash did not get to dive into the food first and laugh over the poor plebeians suffering on the truck.  No fun at all.  Will place truck driver under house arrest until we dream up some charges against him.

On on the the Inter-Mekong Hash in Burma October 2009!

Posted in Run Report | 2 Comments »

P2H3 Run #921 – RED DRESS RUN

Posted by p2h3hashtrash on July 16, 2009

group shot Phlegmella

gym bar huxleys

circle miss red dress 2009

shameless

Date:  11/7/2009

Hares:  Blah Blah, Yogi Bra

Run Report:  Yogi Bra

A motley crew of hashers turned up Saturday for the Annual Red Dress Run for charity.  Various amounts of skin and lace were on display as hashers tried to outdo each other in the categories of showing too much leg (Phlegm), showing too much nipple (Maynot – and really, any amount was too much), chic-est dress (tie between Beth and Leckity), largest implants (tie between Paddington Bra and Blah Blah), and ability to match lipstick to dress (STD).

A brief rundown of the course by hares Blah Blah and Yogi Bra, and an announcement of the charity that would benefit from the hash’s largesse – Kien Khleang orphanage across the Chroy Changvar bridge, kicked the day off as motodops and passing tourists stared with a mix of humor and revulsion.  A glamorous Blah Blah, clad in a slinky red number and armed with a bag of flour and a thorough lack of shame, took off on a live hare jaunt, and the pack soon followed.  I broke from the pack at Wat Phnom to assume my co-haring duties with Blah Blah, who admitted he was relieved not to have to run all alone in his get-up.  We ran south towards street 178, dodging cars, motos, jeers and catcalls the whole way.  I was only a little sad when I discovered that all the compliments regarding breasts were directed at Blah Blah.  At some point we discovered a hole in the bag of flour, and that we were essentially leaving a Hansel und Gretel-like trail for the pack, and sure enough were soon snared by two Bangkok foreign spies, who hadn’t bothered to don anything red, much less a dress.

The first stop of the piss-up – I mean pub crawl was Gym Bar, where affable Randall and a couple unfortunate regulars were treated to the horrifying sight of a bunch of sweaty, thirsty runners in various states of red undress.  After a beer and a chance to catch our breath and wait for the walkers, we took off again.  We abandoned the flour and took the pack along street 19 to stop #2 – Freebird.  All were present except Phlegm, a man physically and morally unable to follow a trail, who led a few hashers astray into The Shop for reasons still unknown at the time of writing.  Best thing about Freebird: those cool, jasmine-scented washcloths that the friendly and patient staff supplied us with, and the gloriously chilly air-con.  I highly recommend it for your next running/cross-dressing/drinking triathlon.  At this point the pack should’ve been somewhat slowed, but we are a pack of over-eager, wanna-be athletes, so after another beer we took off at a fast pace north along the riverside in front of the Royal  Palace, scaring a new batch of tourists.  We hung a quick left at 136 and headed into the relative calm and cool of Huxley’s for a third refreshment.  The stops were getting to be longer than the running, and that last one almost claimed us for good, but we managed to pull ourselves out and trotted one last time upriver to street 104 and the welcoming arms of Velkommen Inn, the hash’s unofficial official pub, amid angry glares of some very jealous lady boys.  Sorry gals, but we looked hot.  Literally.

Circle:

Possibly the most exciting event of the day – quite a feat considering – was the appearance of long-lost RA Flaccido Domingo, and his family.  Wait, what?  Yes, wife and two children.  According to F. Domingo:  everyone knew this as he talked about them all the time.  According to everyone else:  huh?  However, they were very sweet and lovely and we hope to see them again at hash soon.

Moving on:  beer and popcorn flowing, we formed an amoeba-shaped circle around the front of Velkommen and kicked off a wobbly circle.  Various punishments were awarded, but not enough in my opinion.  Many men who turned up in red pants and t-shirts were spared, as was Available for $60 for impersonating a lady bug.  A sexiest outfit contest saw STD pitted against Phlegm, Maynot and Cuntsultant, with Phlegm and Maynot getting the most cheers and being forced into a compromising position to drink with their arms linked.

After we hung around Velkommen to watch the day fade and the neon lights of the bars on the street flick on, and eventually all dispersed.

Good work, folks.  On On!

Posted in Event Hash, Run Report | 1 Comment »

HASH FLASH

Posted by p2h3hashtrash on July 7, 2009

red dress run 2008 fester in red

Did you know…

That Saturday, July 11th is the annual Red Dress Run, the Hash’s attempt to give a little back to the country that has given us so much (beer, wasp stings, etc).

Meet: 2:30pm at the Post Office
*note, NOT train station

Wear:  a red dress.  If you are stuck for ideas, see the photos above.  One of the group and one a close-up of Fester, descending the steps of the post office.

Your usual $5 contribution will be donated to charity.  Charity to be named soon.   See you there!

Posted in Announcements, Event Hash | 6 Comments »