Date: 26/7/2009
Hares: Blitzkrieg (run), Abuser (walk)
Run Report: Milky Discharge
The above picture is a rare shot of a young Blitzkrieg in his early days as a heavy metal rock star.
On a cool afternoon at Phnom Penh Train Station hashers began the usual routine of greeting old friends, single expat women eagerly scouting the group for newly arrived single men, and HE GM Blah Blah loudly recounting the escapades of the weekend. Our hare on this fine day was none other than the remarkable Blitzkrieg.
Now, on the subject of Blitzkrieg, let me say this guy knows how to travel and has some great stories. If you haven’t heard his stories of razor scootering through Japan (“it travels much better than a folding bike on the chikatetsu”) or of climbing Himalayan peaks, you should make it a point to get some of these stories out of him. Because if you don’t, you might be tempted to just consider him a crazy old German dude with buff legs, short shorts, and bad knees who runs slow and likes to take photos.
Blitzkrieg told us we’d head to Phnom Sa-a (out past Takhmao), and we were off. Veteran hashers with an eye for the weather quickly began seeking rides in private vehicles, seats in which were scarce on this moderately-attended-by-bourgeois day (likey due to the GASH hash the day before). The rest of the Hoi Polloi, both the ignorant and the not-so-lucky filed onto the truck. About 15 minutes after departure, the rain started to sprinkle, and then soon after the heavens opened up. Hashers on the truck were pummeled by heavy rains for over half an hour.
Once at the trailhead, the rains had abated, and those riding in private conveyance, including Yogi Bra, Blah Blah, May Not, Check Around, Milky Discharge, and the hare Blitzkrieg, who had traveled to the start in air conditioned comfort proceeded to mock and ridicule Available for her wrinkly fingers, Germinator for her blue hands, and Sarsy, Flaccido Domingo, Dutchie, the returning Long Shanks, and the rest of the shivering pack for their misfortune.
After making introductions with the community’s ambassadors (i.e. roughhousing with the local kids), the pack circled up and were given instructions by Blitzkrieg, including a warning that the runners would get their feet wet, and that there was one on back “after more than 2 on-ons”. So with a blast from the bugle by Milky Discharge, we were off.
The trails on this cool day were beautiful, with lots of shaded single-track. But no shaded single-track comes without twice as much crappy plowed paddy field, and today was no exception. The pack struggled to keep the trail at times, and took many “on-cow” walking breaks. As a side note, the cows of this neighborhood seemed bigger than usual, and were all in good spirits for the most part as they seemed reluctant to spook.
At about the 3km mark, the FRBs – including Runs Well, Wanna Cracker, Dutchie, and Flaccido were called back by the Hare, and instructed that they were not “on”. The fugitive FRBs, however, insisted they must be “on”, and refused the hare’s instruction, to continue on their trail (which was “clearly marked”). The rest of the pack followed the hare to a submerged “bridge”, where Milky Discharge, Available, Yogi Bra, and Sarsy decided that wet shoes could be avoided with a “quick” backtrack to a previously spotted bridge. The backtrack turned out to be about a half kilometer back, so despite a picturesque hold at an aging sala, the pack was gone by the time the wet-shoe/leech-phobic backtrackers had arrived (but with dry shoes). At the same time, the renegade FRB hashers were making their way back to the true trail after their insistence they had been “on” the whole time – they learned the hard way that sometimes when the hare is giving instructions prior to the run that the instructions are in fact pertinent to the run (go figure!).
After being reunited, the pack made their way to Phnom Sa-a where those of them not too lazy to make the 2 minute stair climb to the top were treated to beautiful views of the Phnom Penh floodplain. Some lazy bastards decided to make the run an “A to B” and rode the truck back to the start from this halfway, most notably GM Blah Blah who was reportedly faking an ankle injury to avoid having to run. The rest of the pack made it a sprint back to the trailhead and finished with about 11.5 km on the day.
At the circle, Dutchie was given the name Toxic Flop, due to an incident involving a jellyfish, urine, and some fellow hashers. Married couple Gabriel and Annalise, celebrating their 20th anneverseroid on that day, were given the names “Loan Shark” (he works in microfinance) and “Cheap Date” (she’s married to the bongthom but according to rumors and an article in the Post he’s an insufferable miser). GM Blah Blah concluded the circle with admonition to the pack to consider running for office in the upcoming erections, or at least to attend the erections so you can avoid being erected in absentia (just like Cambodian court convictions).
On the way home, the sunset was marvelous and the hashers on the truck were treated to rural Cambodia’s finest views and weather, enjoying cold Anchors as they plodded back to the city. Just outside Takhmao, the truck was stopped as we waited for the premier’s motorcade to return his Excellency to his fortress (the site of a Darwin Award worthy cigarette-lighter-to-check-the-fuel-in-the-tank-of-a-missle-filled-truck-explosion a few weeks prior). The truck eventually proceeded back to town where the On On On was held at Irriwaddy restaurant, and a fine time was had by all.
On On to free and fair democracy in Cambodia!
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